Okies it is my time to rant and rave! Time to let the 'other' side of me say its say!

My 3 year old is going through a phase that is driving me bonkers - well i dunno if you can actually call it a phase...

my father in law lives with us and gives the little one everything he wants when he wants it - even when i say no!

its gotten to the point where I am the screaming monster mother who can't get her children to listen to her - or even go to bed normally! And I don't like shouting at my children - It makes me feel like a failure and guilty

It used to be different - I remember when bedtimes were a pleasure! with giggles and kisses

But sweets and milkshakes at bedtime every night is not good - and when i say no it gets done underhandedly

And when I say bedtime for the 10th time and he says Oh! come to Gramps! or come watch TV in my room!

Its infuriating - BUT he is not a bad person and I love him more than he even realises - but this play of tug and war with the kids is doing them harm, damaging my relationship with them and making me angry at the old man.

My husband avoids confrontations - and would rather just take his dad's side to avoid arguments - last night when i spoke to him he acknowledged that he knows that it is wrong - and promised me he would speak to his dad! - I doubt that he did or if he would.

Tonight after I put the little one to bed - and tonight he went willingly - My hubands father told him to go lie down by the little one - which all sounds fair enough - until you see what the out come was - I have a 3 year old throwing a hissy fit and looking for every excuse under the sun not to go to bed eg thirsty, hungry, toilet, headache etc

After I calmed the comotion down I told my husband that he without realising it (trying to be polite) - that he undermined my authority - now he is also angry

but then again - if I look at the astrological aspect - My husband, father in law and me are all GEMINI's and the 3year old is a TAURUS - and it makes me wonder why my 9year old Cancerian just smiles and kisses me good nite and trots off to bed without a care in the world.

Has anyone else been through something similiar?

Any advice on how to handle this situation without causing friction? or major family disputes?

I have to tread carefully - my father in law has cancer and we don't know how long he has left - but is it fair to let someone run the roost and do just what they want because they keep reminding you of that?

I need advice here!!!

Allie , you could go talk to your father - in -law and show him examples of the after effects of him rying to interfere . You need to talk to him yourself . Your husband should not interfere . Now you need to set your children back to as it is before he came . It's common for grandfathers and grandma (but not all of them) to feel that they need some control over the family . Your father-in-law (grandfather to the kids) , felt that he had lost his authority over the family and his act of defience is to over rule your authority and show that he's the boss (whether underhand or not) , so that he could comfort himself that he has still some power over you , your kids , husband and family and he's still the head .

It's a psychological thing , not an astrological thing . I observe this pattern of behaviour from my grandmother and grandfather and some elderly (not all) , where they feel that they need control over something . Although what happened did not apply for my family , but sometimes I get to see and sense some small disagreement between my parents and grands and I felt that that's over some control and to comfort one's mind that they still have some authority in the family .

This is just my personal observation and opinion .

First~ I am so sorry that you are having this problem!
We also have my father in-law living with us, my kids are all pre &teens now, though and the issues are not the same. But I agree with Wanderign, and have found that he likes to at least feel like he has a say in things. I am a Taurus and have a hard time letting anyone have a say in anything to do with my house or to do with my kids, that's my bad!!
My kids are Cancer cusp Leo, Pisces and Vergo, hubby is Sag. and dad is Leo, interesting mix in my house. Not always a pleasant place to be..

And I will let ya know I was a awful kid, there was no telling me to do anything, and i was extremely attached to my grandparents, who we lived with when I was young.
They used to always take my side, and it made me feel very safe and loved, my poor mom could only pull out her hair.

Years later we had moved very far away and it was no longer an issue, but when I was 16 my Gramp died and it crushed me.
I still have my Gram and she lives close,so my kids have her aswell, as my mom,who is a great gram, but not at all like her parents where with me, I wish she was, I know how wonderful it made me feel..

My point I guess is its a special thing to have grandparents in your life, and as hard as it is to deal with the clashing/I clashed a lot with my mother in-law when my kids where little, but now she is gone and my youngest doesnt even really remember her well, which makes her sad...

I know its hard but I know as a Taurus child and adult I am very drawn to people who need someone, and once on there side I stay, perhaps your little one feels your father in-laws fear (cancer) and since your in-law has taken his side your little one will return the alliance with all his little strenght, would your in-law take on the job of a nightly story, it could give him a positive boost, and it would give your children time with him they will remeber forever..
Good luck

Thank you all for all the input - I really feel that I see the situation a little more clearly... Outside input - I find always seems to be the most clear

Aloramyste tonite I have tried to comfort him with material things - and he is taking to it like a charm! He seems more relaxed and content. (excellent advice!) and i have put aside special me time during the week - to do bellydancing and what ever else makes me feel happy

EponAnu I take my hat off to you with such a big clan! you must have your hands full! I loved your description of a bull in a corral lol it was a funny mental pic!

Wandering Mystic - I think you right that the battle of authority with my in law is psycological and not astrological - but i do think that the astrlogical aspects of his personality makes it easier for me to understand him - and because he is ill I am scared to upset him - and he tends to pull my hubby into the whole mess - and then we argue aswell... whereas when i discuss it with my husband - i don't try and throw stones - I say have you noticed - or I feel etc - so that he doesn't get defensive. Usually communication with a Gemini is the best possible thing bit with 3 Gemini's going head on head its quite a show!

Welele - Your whole explaination of Taurus maybe being attracted to a person with a 'fear' etc hit me like a ton of bricks and i was like duH - it made a lot of sense if I look at my little ones personality... eg. I work from home - and I was worried that my supplier was not going to delived by 3pm and my client was comming at 4pm - my little one brought me a flower and a piece of chocolate - and said dont warrie mummie

So I have decided to be more positive and think more logically about this situation - and take the time to get to know each person in my family - as to who they are, what they like etc - And by doing so i hope to overcome this underhanded bickering - and like Welele said grandparents are special - I need to learn to live with him - not learn to go against him

Thanks y'all

Oh and don't be surprised if I come back to this forum to 'stomp' a bit - every path we choose has hiccups

the hiccup faerie
Allie

Allie , if you are talking about Astrological , maybe three Gemini would either kick up a big storm or could settle things peacefully(not trying to be rude) . Maybe , you could discuss with your hubby , then plan a meeting together with your hubby to meet your father-in-law and speak to him .

Try to show your hubby what is actually going on . Maybe it's time for him to get the kids to bed , do the house ...etc .. (Best done on weekends when the family is free) . Sometimes , to get the message across , you need them to get down and work . Yes , you can get your father-in-law to be in-charge of getting your kids to bed and let him handle them for sometime .