Ok, this is going to be rambling and disjointed but I hope you will understand.

   

I am a member of a group that gets together for the big days.  The rits arent formal and used to be a lot of fun.
Dh and I have moved out of the city and it seems we have been forgotten ... actually it started before we moved.

This time last year I was pregnant with our daughter.  My friend threw me a shower and invited everyone in the group.  NO ONE came.  Even tho they said they would be there.  
One person talked about throwing me a shower herself and it never happened.  Now she is throwing one for our mutual friend.

I have always talked about wanting to be part of a working group.  I found out recently that a few friends of mine have a working group that no one ever even asked me about.

My DH and I have gone out of our way to help people in this group with no intention of being "paid back" but is it wrong that we are hurt.

There are other things too.  Mostly it is the fact that my pregnancy was barely acknowledged but the three women in the group that are pregnant now are being fawned over.

The founders of the group go on and on about how nice it is to see us, how much they miss us and how nice we are when we are there but never talk to us otherwise.  
One of the founders has blog I was subscribed to but when I read it I feel rejected, left out and get jealous.  I unsubcribed today.

Please help me not feel this way about people.  I dont want to lose all of my friends but I am really hurt by all this.  I feel like a horrible person for being jealous and upset by all of this.  I dont want to feel this way but I thought these people were my friends.   I am even thinking about leaving the group.

Am I even justified to feel this way???  Am I a horrid person???

Sorry for rambling but if you have read this far I really do appreciate it.  I hope what I wrote made at least a small bit of sense.

Thanks    

Have you given thought to just sitting down with them. True friends would be willing to hear you and in return listen to what they have to say.

It also could be that you are doubting yourself and in so doing they are picking up on it in a way that makes them feel like your closing yourself off.

Then again it could be time to move on.

I don't see how this could make you a nasty person. You don't sound like it. An yes you are allowed to feel those things, now sounds like a good time to take a step back and look within yourself. Fix you!! If they are friends they'll understand and be there when You are ready.

I know how it feels to put together a nice ritual and have no one show up. Even when I was told they'd come. It hurt like hell!!! This has happened more then once. I now no longer try. I work alone.

Take time to gather your thoughts before the next group, then speak with them, express your feelings, ask if there is something wrong, then listen.  Who knows it may have nothing to do with you personally, it could be them and the fact that they are Not what you need in your life. An are Not truely friends.

I wish you the best and may you find the answers your looking for.

Blessings.

Thank you for not flaming me!!!  (That's one thing I was afraid of when I posted that)

I just needed some other than DH, someone outside the situation, to tell me that Im not a mean, selfish child for feeling this way.

I wouldn't mind talking to the people but I know the only thing that would accomplish is hurting them.  I know it because that is how they are.

They are wonderful people ... I dont know, I'm just babbling now.

I guess I have some thinking to do

Thanks again

— Sehkmaa wrote

I wouldn't mind talking to the people but I know the only thing that would accomplish is hurting them.  I know it because that is how they are.

Well honey people like that would have no place in my life. That may sound harsh but that's how it is. Now I'm not Wiccen but I do share many of the beliefs and the Rede has one law/rule I hold true an that is "Count no fool as a friend". You said you did alot to aid them, and they snub you. Not very friendly if you ask me. True I don't know them personally, an there many be alot more to it, but this is just how I see it.

Thinking is good. Why not just take some time off, take care of you and your family. Do a good house cleansing, do a good cleansing of yourself. Focus on yourself, and family.

You need time off from the outside. Take it, enjoy it, love it. If it's ment to be for you and this group, they'll come to you. You'll see. Time has a way of showing you just who your real friends are.  

An to bad for them if they did show up for your shower, their loss.

I don't know who DH is, but yea it's nice to have an outside view sometimes, and just ranting can help blow off steam and unload some built up unwanted emotions.

Things have a way of working out for the best, even if it's not what we wanted.

So deep breath, take time out from them, and play with that baby!!  

Hi Sehkma,

I agree with Indie on this situation. Your feelings are very valid, and you have been wronged. I would try to talk to everyone and let them know how you feel. It doesn't matter how they take the news, you have a right to speak out, and if you do wish to continue relationships with these people (I wouldn't) open communication is the key.

Personally if someone did that to me, I would wlak away...without even a blink. And yes, I would be devastated as well. The problem with magickal groups like these, is that they tend to be very clic-ish and egos abound. It is much better to work on you and your own spiritual path and when you are ready, people will show up around you, wishing to be in your company...and they will have similar likes and dislikes.

Being a new Mom, I know you need friends you can bounce things off of, new moms often feel isolated and out of touch....sleep deprivation doesn't help either.  At least in my case, I was fortunate to have family close by, but as soon as I had my first baby, alot of my "friends" dropped by the wayside....they did pop-in about a year or so later, and I am still connected to a couple of them....and I am glad I did. We all evolve and change....and the people who stick by us, well, those are the ones you can count on....

It is very sad what happened, but as Indie stated, It's their loss, not yours. You have a brand new life and a new baby (and a beautiful one, at that). When we have that first child, it is a life-altering experience....and for them not to be there for you at such a pivotal moment...well.....I wouldn't call them my friends.....

I would recommend this exercise for you....

On a piece of paper, draw a line down the middle. On the top of the page write "good points" and "bad points." Now.....write down what this group gave to you in the good points, and in the bad points, how they hurt you. Keep the paper and when you think of something, write it down....after about a week. Put the paper away.

On the next Full Moon, get the paper out, re-read it, and then write a letter to them..( youw illnot be giving it to them)...express your anger, hurt and also your joy....then put the paper away for 2 weeks. Then, get it back out, light a white candle and burn both the paper you wrote th good/bad points on and the letter and burn them in the candle flame (be sure to have a plate nearby to catch the ashes.) Take the ashes outside and blow them to the wind.

This will help release the emotions and ties you have with these people, so if it is meant to be, you can re-eastablish communication with them...if it is not meant tobe, you will be over their "group" and you can move on and turn into the beautiful YOU that is who you are....

Blessings Bright and Dark,

You know, we have people in our lives for reasons, sometimes one's we arent' even aware of.

Sometimes these people change, we change, they change. it is no one's fault. yes, it hurts like hell when things like this occurr, but sometimes it is for the sole reason of making us take notice of the people who are in our lives. Are they there in a true 'friend' sense of the word, or are they merely one of those 'moment' friends and that moment is now gone?

I have a dear friend of mine who a year of so ago after having suffered a horrendus break up in her marriage, and had once again been heavy in my life, seemed to pull away. She had a new man in her life, as well as school, and once again I felt as if I was put on the back burner, no longer needed. I hurt. I even posted here about it some time back. I went to her, knowing she was a friend, a true friend and told her how I felt. I left that night feeling better, and about a 1/4 inch tall!!

She laid on me all that was going on in her world that she did not share cause she is not one to burden preople. We who are close to her never truly know as she puts on good false fronts.

After a good screaming match, a whole lotta crying, and even more hggling. I understood. We are friends most of all in times we truly need a freind. We know the other is there at the drop of a hat, and she now knows she has to let us all know what is going on, that is why we are there, becaus we want to be, good times and bad alike!

Alas these guys don't sound like those kinds of friends at all.

Take a momment and talk to them, if it will help YOU. If not, take your lessons learned and time spent with these friends, and move forward, because ya never know, just around the corner may be a new friend, waiting to change your life, once again.

Very well said Novia.

Thanks for the responses everyone.  I really needed to get some of that off my chest.
Im feeling better lately and have talked to the "main" person.  Things are better now

Good, as long as it is for you.