Fidolin Drug Approved for Treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder: ADHDD (satire)
by Mike Adams

(NaturalNews) Phictitious Pharmaceuticals has received FDA approval for their new drug Fidolin, a psychotropic medication designed to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder (ADHDD). ADHDD is a brain chemistry disorder affecting tens of millions of dogs across America, causing them to be unable to sit still or pay attention. A new promotional video describing the benefits of the Fidolin drug is available now at: http://www.naturalnews.com/022878.html

Phictitious Pharmaceuticals said their new drug, Fodilin, is safe for use on both infants and puppy dogs. It's being marketed with the clever slogan, "Obedience Through Chemistry™" and is expected to be prescribed to tens of millions of dogs and human babies that suffer from ADHDD or ADHD.

Symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Doggie Disorder include:

• An inability to focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds.
• Easily distracted by sights, sounds or smells.
• An inability to sit still.
• Chewing on objects that are not food.
• Scratching, licking, digging and barking, not necessarily in that order.

"Although these symptoms may at first sound like normal canine behaviors," explained Phictitious Pharmaceuticals' CEO Dr. Drew A. Blank, "they are in fact indications of a serious disease that need treatment. Millions of dogs are running the streets today, untreated for their ADHDD. It's time we took care of those animals with proper treatment."

ADHDD screening centers are being set up across the nation, where dog owners can test their animals to see if they suffer from ADHDD. The test consists of a large dry aquarium populated with two paranoid squirrels, three rabies-infected prairie dogs and a psychotic tomcat. The dog is told to sit in front of the aquarium to begin the test, at which point a live gerbil is thrown into the aquarium and the dog's response is measured. If the dog fails to sit still for sixty seconds, he is diagnosed with ADHDD.

We do not yet have video footage of this screening process, as NaturalNews is opposed to the use of animals for such experiments. Phictitious Pharmaceuticals claims the test is "safer than mammography." (Unless, of course, you're the gerbil, in which case it's about as safe as chemotherapy.)

A new ADHDD non-profit group, funded by Phictitious Pharmaceuticals, has also been launched. It's called MWSDDC, or Morons Who Support Drugging Dogs and Children. MWSDDC is forming support groups to, as they explain, "support those who suffer from ADHDD." They've also announced their first annual fundraiser: An ADHDD pink ribbon leg humping marathon that raises money for the treatment of "distracted" dogs by giving reams of tax-free cash to wealthy drug companies who claim to be "searching for the cure." Their future website will be www.HumpForTheCure.org

Educational material for those who don't yet know about ADHDD and Fidolin is now available. Phictitious Pharmaceuticals has released a new High-Definition DVD that covers both ADHD and ADHDD. Those interested in the HD DVD can call the company and ask for the ADHD and ADHDD HD DVD. The phone number to call is 1-800-ADH-DADHDD-HDDVD.

The share price of Phictitious Pharmaceuticals spiked $5.60 on today's news, and profits are expected to remain strong through the remainder of the fiscal year. Be sure to watch their promotional video at: http://www.naturalnews.com/022878.html to help support this company's profits so they can have enough money to find the cure for this terrible disease.

(If you enjoyed this parody ad, be sure to visit our world-famous Disease Mongering Engine where you can create your own fictitious diseases in seconds! http://www.naturalnews.com/disease-mong..

This is hilarious!  I should pass it along to all the parents of my pharmaceutically spaced out students.

LOL!  That's funny.

ooh wow... and you know we live in a bizarre world when it took up until the Phicticious Pharmaceuticals part for me to realize it's a joke... maybe I'm just not quite firing on all cylinders today, but it ALMOST sounded plausible, even if it did make my blood boil.

Don't put your kid on riddlin, sign him up for soccer, and if you do truly have a hyperactive dog, TAKE THE BLOODY ANIMAL FOR A RUN!!!  

My vet actually wanted to prescribe something similar to valium for my dog because she's hyperactive.  Now taffy truly is hyperactive, to the point where she'll simply pace up and down the stairs or chew at the fur on her paws and create big bald patches out of boredom.  She weighs less than 13 lbs, but can easily outpace most shepherds, and will run alongside a horse at a canter for a good 20 km or so, until the horse tires and won't go anymore!  It's a challenge working and living with her I'll admit, because she's got enough energy for about 10 people, but if ya keep her brain busy and give her some good exercise, she's so much healthier and happier then the sluggish shadow of her self that she was on the drug.  

For anyone else who's got a hyper pet they have trouble keeping up with, here's a few pointers to increase the animal's workout without making it impossible for you!
-Have your dog wear a backpack.  When we go camping taffy carries all her own food and water, or sometimes we'll go for a walk and I'll put it on her with weights in it.  this way, she's getting twice the exercise you are.
-let her off leash! if you're in an area where you can safely and legally do so.  Taffy gets about 4 times the mileage I get by simply running ahead then coming back to me, running out to the side and returning etc.  
-Use something to make it easier on you, while the dog runs, ie ride a bike or scooter, or a horse.*not good for every pet, gauge your pet's individual reaction*
-let your pet pull you! Especially with larger animals, strap on a pair of roller blades, or skis, or if you're really adventurous, a sled or scooter.  doesn't have to be a big dog though, Taffy and I were on a team where she and three other cock-a-poos pulled a full size sled for short distances!
-sign up for an agility class- you quickly learn how to minimize your steps, and work your dog from greater distances, so the dog's doing the majority of the running, plus theres all those obstacles

We were told that taffy should calm down and become more manageable by the time she turned 3... she's now closer to 4 and shows no signs of stopping!! if anything her improved muscle tone lets her be even more hyper! *sigh* One day she'll settle a bit I'm sure.  And to think we selected her because of her calm disposition, and I wanted her to become a therapy dog... haha!! I do notice though that she's happier, healthier, less... annoying and underfoot in the house and sleeps better when she gets adequate exercise!

blessings with all your hyper pets!
Kathartica

o my achin' head wit all them letters!

or get your pooch a treadmill!

haha sorry Novia, I didn't mean to. I kinda just ran on there... what can I say, I've lived through it, I've seen depressed drugged doggies, and I feel kinda strongly about it...
sorry

Love the response, Kathartica.  I'm sure that having an active dog is also good for one's own health - keeps you moving!  I should add that to the list of reasons to move to a new place and get dogs: improving my health