Another update... so much seems to have happened in the past week.  

Well, we've had a lot of stress this week as my bf's pet snake has gone missing and has so far evaded capture.  We dont know where he is and we're both very worried.  Unfortunately that led to a bit of friction this week and I had to tell my bf to stop snapping at me.  I had been tellin him different ideas for tryin to lure the snake into the open, ideas I had found on the net.  I also sed he shud tell his housemates he was loose in case he ended up in their rooms.  He snapped sayin i was tellin him what to do and makin him feel even more stupid than he already did for losing Russell (the snake).  I snapped back sayin I was only tryin to help, and that i was tryin to make him feel better not worse. The friction subsided wen we both acknowledged that our short tempers were down to stress, and aftr that we were both particularly down aftr a while of not seein any sign of Russell.  This weekend I have said to my boyfriend that I have been feeling really low over the past few weeks and he wanted to kno if it was because of us.  I said our recent arguments had had a big effect on my mood, and that i didnt kno what was gona happen with us.  We're both off uni now, so we wont see each other as much which we both agreed cud b useful to us.  But he knows that i'm feelin very unsettled and that the next few weeks will be the crunch time.  To be honest I agree with the comments here, I kno he probably will never change his attitude towards me, he will still try to assert dominance, and i will continuhime to resent this and other issues.  He said earlier thsat if i wanted to break up i shud just say but i need time to gain the strength of mind to deal with it.  It's bringing a lump to my throat just writing about it, so I know I'm not ready.

We went to the travel agents earlier this week as we had arranged, and talked about our trip.  We are plannin to go to the states in the summer, flying to seattle to stay with a friend and taking trains across the country to fly bak home from new york.  Of course, thats all up in the air because I duno if I will be with him in 3 weeks, never mind 5 months.  We decided today that we wouldnt speak about the trip until i can either gain a more positive outlook on the relationship and can honestly say i wana stay with him and work at what we have, or whether I stay in the same bleak mood about it all and finally end it.  I dont know what I want right now, the idea of not being with this guy is heartbreaking for me after so many good times, yet the bad times are havin their impact on me and I just have to see if the good times outweigh the bad or vice versa. Lot of thinkin to do...

I'm sorry if this is all over the place and doesnt make much sense, I'm just pretty mixed up right now. Thank u to everyone who has commented so far, and please pray for Russell's safe return.  I know he's prob havin the time of his life but we definitely arent!

Foxi

Blessings,

It's been a while since I updated you all on what's been going on. �Well, long story cut very short, it's over. �I finished it a few weeks ago, he begged me to take him back, promising to change. I gave him one last chance. �I've been performin in a play all week and he's been gettin increasingly annoyed at me bein around the guys in it cos now I'm accepting them as friends whereas I would avoid guys to keep him happy (I know how sad that it, always did). �So he got annoyed and it all came to a head today. �I went to the cast wrap party at a guy's house last nite, and invited my boyf but he said no. �Got in at 6.15am this mornin, tho only had one drink all night, was just enjoying the fun. �Then I went to meet my friend for lunch and when I did she came walking out of the cafe b4 I got there, and said that she wasnt sure but she thought she saw my boyf sittin with a girl in there. �I walked in, and stood lookin at him til he saw me. �Then I walked out. He didnt follow me. �I don't think he has been cheating, but I was always wary of this girl (tho she has a boyfriend.) �He said later that it was cos I'd gone to the party last nite and that decidin to do that had meant it was over. �I wasnt aware of this!!! So he's broken up with me. �I've done the whole sobbing thing, the anger, �and now I've reached the point of calm where I realise this is probably a very good thing for me. �Very odd to do that all in a day, but because I ended it before it seems a lot easier now. I'm not sure why. But I just hope this means the start of a new time for me.

Love and light,

Foxi

Hi Foxi,

Sorry you had to go thru such a sad time...but from the ashes arises a new life! You now have learend the signs of an abusive-controlling relationship, and you survived! Now, you can go forward with your life,knowing that this was a good experience and one that brought you joy as well....remember the good times, and the bad....and know that these speedbumps in life are the times we remember how strong and powerful we can be....welcome to the new you!

I am so proud of you!

Foxi,  I am sorry for you.  Although the whole mind game of him going to luch with another girl just because of you going to a cast party is very silly.  As LE said you now know the signs and actions of an abusive relationship.  This is a very hard thing, this I know speaking from experience, at some point you realise the mind games are more abusive to you than being hit.  I know I use to wish for my ex husband to hit me than I would have had a good reason to leave, but I finally gained the realisation that I had had a good enough reason all along.

Relationships have their ups and downs, but at no time can their be manipulation with mental abuse.  So good for you, move on, learn your lessons from this time in your life and know that you are a very special person.  You have many years of finding Mr Right and it should be something that brings you up and makes you feel supported, equal, special and happy.  Accept no less.

Blessings to you

Kath

Foxi, you are a surviver. I went through a similair time about 2 yrs ago, only I was stupid enough to try and stick it out for 6 yrs!  I woke up one day and kicked him out and never regretted it; I am so much happier without all the stress and drama.  I'm sorry you had to experience such a relationship, I know how it hurts, but now its done and you survived. You will find that you are happier,  and your days are less stressful. You can enjoy your friends and have a life again. Don't look back....take a deep breath and keep moving forward! HUGS

See, this is why the people here are so special to me.  You are strangers, yet friends.  Thousands of miles away, yet here for me nonetheless.  Thank you.

Well, I went round last nite to give him back his stuff and a few sentimental things that I couldnt see the point in keeping.  He wouldnt let me in, jst stood on the doorstep cos he sed it wud make his housemates uncomfortable (heaven forbid..). So we talked a bit there, in which I had a reasonable reply to everythin he threw my way, and he was left without a leg to stand on (metaphorically speaking of course!).  He'll soon come to realise that he's made a huge mistake in letting this one thing come between us and led us to this point.  But its too late, I'm never goin back to him.  I dont even feel angry anymore, jst a bit sad that it ended this way but i kno in my heart it had to end sooner or later n its better that its now. He jst has issues I was never gona be able to help him solve.  His jealousy is not my problem because i did all i could to reassure him and it wasnt enough.  But it is done now, I'm free.  If it is not asking too much, please include me in your prayers to lend me some strength, because I know the next few weeks of this great change will not be easy.  But I kno I can do it.

Greatest love and numerous blessings to you all,
Foxi