As some on you know my fiancee was in a school to be a trucker for the longest time and is now on the road.  He has been a trucker for less than two months.  Well remember his bad luck?  Yeah, it's rearing it's ugly head again.  

I know what you all are going to say. Positive thinking.  The thing is we were thinking positive.  We thought this would be it, that this was the answer but shit keeps happening.  

On his first trip out her was late on a delivery coming home and so had to drive at 5:00 AM while it was pitch black to make his delivery.  He swung out to the left to make a right turn.  had his turn signal on but some dumb ass tried to pass him on the right but he didn't see her and he clipped the front bumper of her car.  Luckily another trucker happened to be behind him and told the police exactly what happened so he didn't get into a lot of trouble for that. He had to do an hour or so of remedial training when he went back out but no big deal.

On his next run out he ran his tire into a storm drain or a ditch and it ripped it off the wheel.  Didn't damage the wheel or tire, they just had to put it back on and fill it with air but they said that was an accident.  How that is an accident is beyond me!

This last time out he ran out of hours and had to pull in to this little mom and pop truck stop out in the middle of nowhere.  well to get back on the road the next morning he had to cross a bridge.  the road he was on was two lane, the road on the other side was two lanes and the bridge looked two lane but it was not.  But he couldn't see it was one lane untill he was right up on it and hadn't swung out enough to make his turn. (happens all the time to better, more experienced trucker than him.)

Well he thought he'd try to make his turn, that maybe he had just enough room.  He kept an eye on all the corners of his truck.  As soon as his rear wheels disappeared behind the low wall on the curb he realized that he couldn't make it so he stopped right away.  But he not before his wheels touched the curb.  He got out and talk to the guy in the truck behind him and the guy was nice enough to spot him so he could back up and make the turn but the guy behind that got his truck number and called it in.

Well he went along his merry way and had all but forgotten about it by the time he called his dispatcher to get his load coming home. She told him his supervisor needed to talk to him.  Well the part that pisses him off most it that the supervisor didn't ask what happened but IF something unusual happened, trying to catch him in a lie.  Luckily Ben didn't answer right away but took a moment to recall the incident on the bridge and explained exactly what happened.

Then his supervisor told him some one had called in about the bridge and that since his tires touched the curb by the book it was considered an 'accident' Be cause his fucking tires touched the curb!  it happens a million times a day!  Just some asshole called it in this time.  But the man said "Any time the truck touches something whether there is damage or not it is an accident."

Well by that line of reasoning he has an accident every time he backs in to a dock because you are suppose to bump the dock.  So any way he has a meeting on Wendsday to see 'what they are going to do about this'.  But he has three 'accidents' on the books, if some one so much as calls him in about brushing a curb he's fired.

He is seriously considering quiting.  Even though he would owe them money.  They have not been very nice even aside from the accidents.  Most of the people that he deals with directly are nice enough but the machine gives him shitty runs. (His first ever was in D.C.) And they keep him out longer than they are suppose to.  He is suppose to be home every two weeks.  They sent him home two days late this time and he was almost late last time.  He had to beg for a load to bring him home.  And he says something about the corporate pencil pushers is making him very uncomfortable.

On Wendsday he is going to ask for a dedicated run.  He feels he would not get into these situation if he knew where he was going every week.  He is still not as comfortable with the truck as he'd like and taking an unfamiliar truck into unfamiliar places is very difficult still.  as boring as it would get he thinks at his skill level he would do better on a dedicated run.  That would also likely bring him home more often.  Being away is very hard.  He is a very physical creature and needs touch but you can't get that alone on the road.

He is also going to fill out a application with a local tow truck company tomorrow.  If they make him an offer he'll tell Snider where to stick that orange rig.  He fills like that would be better anyway.  He'd still be in a driving job but he'd be home every night, it would be in a local area where he knows the roads, and with this being a small company, when these weird things that happen to him happen he'd be able to talk to a real human boss rather than have a corporate pencil pusher tell him "This is what the book says."

But he was really depressed tonight.  Kept talking about how he is cursed.  The thing is I have seen enough with my own eyes to think maybe something out of the ordinary is going on here.  And he can give me dozens of examples of strange bad luck from his child hood and early adult years.  I don't believe that he is 'cursed', who would want to curse him?  But something out of the ordinary seems to be at work.

He also always wonders what he did wrong.  And thinks maybe he is just jinxed because of a past life.  Well we believe as many of you do that there are other worlds and other races besides humans.  in a past life he was on another planet where he was created to destroy others in a war.  He thinks maybe he is jinxed because of that, but he didn't have free will on that planet.  He had no choice in whether or not to kill.  Doesn't free will have to be a factor for Karma to kick in?  So I don't think it's because of this past life in which he had no free will.

I tend to believe that when bad things happen that are out of the ordinary either it is because you have negative Karma or that you have a lesson to be learned.  Well as I have said I don't believe Ben's karma to be this terrible but I don't know what he has to learn and I am worried that this will break him if it doesn't stop.  He says all the time he can't live like this and that the stress is going to kill him and I worry so much.  I want to make things easier for him but I don't know how.  

He has no idea what he needs to learn and neither do I.  If there is a curse there must be a way to lift it.  But if he has a lesson to learn there must be some clue pointing it out but I can't see it.  If any one has any ideas what I can do to help him or what I should be looking for please let me know .  I want to help him so bad but I don't know what I am suppose to do.

His biggest fear of all at least is unfounded.  He is terrified that something is going to happen when I am with him that is going to hurt of kill me but I have assured him I am protected.  I am.  I should have died 10 times before I ever met him but I either have a very diligent guardian or a very important purpose.  I'm not going anywhere for a while.

It sounds as if he is having "growing pains" with his new job. He needs to pull his bootstraps up and be strong. All the kinks will work out the more he is on the road. ALso, the shittiest runs always happen to the newbies....you have to work your way up, like anyone else....just be strong for him, and don't give him pitty...give him support....he is not having bad luck, he is having trials in getting use to doing something he hasn't done before....we all make these types of mistakes. It doesn't sound like they are something he can be fired over, but he does need to be strong, and realize that stuff like this happens to people everyday...and to say it is bad luck, well....it ain't. It is the nature of the world....once he gets use to doing his job, and has been doing it for years, things like this he will look back upon and smile....remember, the best lessons we learn form our mistakes....he is getting stronger each day he sticks it out...

There is no curse, there is no one or anything chasing him around wishing him ill will...we all grow from mistakes we make in our life...and as we are tested, we become better at what we do and who we are....

Be well, don't worry, and be strong for him and for you....

Well Ben has decided to quit working for schnider.  He has decided that he just isn't fit for the job and that he needs to be home with me.  He has gone to fill out an application for a tow truck company.  He also keeps trying to get in touch with a friend who's dad owns a moving company (sadly to say with so many people facing foreclosure he is probably very busy.)

Also one of the guys he use to work for at Attina's runs a part time amp shop and is making enough that he plans to drop back to part time and one of the other guys that works there has made enough at the amp shop to tell John Attina to shove it.  Even if it's only a part time job Ben would love to work in the amp shop again.  One of his goals was actually to save up money to invest in the amp shop.

I hope he can get a good job.  Otherwise I don't know what we'll do.  But Ben has decided he just can't drive that truck over the road like that.  He can't handle the unfamiliar and he can't handle being alone.  At least he has his CDL now.  that opens a few local doors but not many.  And he'll Pay Snchider back when he can.  What are they going to do, ruin his credit?  At least then he'd have some.

I did make him promise to at least stay on me about my book.  over the past several weeks I have made up my mind that if we are to have any kind of future it` is through my art.  I have talent.  I have a shit load of talent.  I just can't seem to stick with any one thing ling enough to get it done.  I told him to make sure I open my book files every day, even if all I do it sit there and check my spelling.

Before I met him I use to write just about every day.  I was just usually my fan fictions,  you can't sale fan fictions.  But I could average about 5 or 6 pages a day.  On a really good day I could peck out 11.  And when I posted them on Fanfiction.net I got great reviews from fellow writers and readers alike.  

Fan fiction is a bit easier than original work.  Some one else has created most of the characters and the basic plot line.  You just add your own  ideas and maybe an original character to this ready made structure.  Much easier than developing ALL your own characters, plot, story line, and in many cases world.

But I already have most of the Ideas for Deep Blue.  I just need to figure out how to but them all on paper and together then figure out an ending.  But it'll be a long time before I can present that to the world and hope it takes off.  Of course if even one person finds meaning in my work I'll be happy.  Hell I'll be happy just to finish but like all writers I have dreams that this will be on the top seller list.  When and if I finish it.

But until then I don't know what to do about Ben being out of a job.  I just hope these people he is talking to today hire him.  preferably on the spot.  If not we are in deep shit.

Indigo, it might be time to sit down with yourself and see if you desire to stay with this man. Evidently he has some issues with being responsible and also keeping a job.

Making you feel sorry for him is a power play that is a very old one. If he isn;t man enough to hang to a job for longer than 8 weeks, especially when he owes them money....well...what's to say he won't do that in a relationship>

Just my opinion of course....but I don't feel good about the situation.

Please keep us informed as to what is happening to you....we do care!

He was with Attina Music for 4 years.  Even after old man Attina passed away and his abusive power hungry son took over.  And he did his water delivery  thing until it went under.  It's not a matter of not being responsible, it's a matter of not feeling safe on the road any more and not being able to handle the physical and emotional stress of being a trucker.  Trucking is a lot harder than it sounds.

Most drivers who go through the school don't last 6 months.  Out of a class of 40 people 6 might make it onto the road and then half of those find they can't handle it.  I know this because my step dad is a trucker too and has seen it a thousand times.  He really did try his best.  At this point he is scared that he would be so wound up that he'd cause an accident, a real one.

It isn't just the whole accedint thing either.  He found it to hard to be away from home for weeks at a time.  and found the lack of a real schedule to much to handle.  The lack of sleep, the inability to stop when you need to, dealing with the truckers who hate Schnider because they are non union, approved truck routes that I wouldn't try in my car. And a thousand other things he has mentioned that I don't really understand.  

Trucking is one of the hardest jobs on the planet outside of the military.  He will freely admit that he is a weak person.  He thought he was strong enough to handle it.  But he just realizes now he cant do it.  Not over the road like this.

Sounds like a very stressful time for both of you..I live in Pa and in an area that isn't very industrialized and have no formal education and finding and keeping work out here is HARD....i just got fired from my new job b/c i took 3 days off in 2 mnths.  and it was only 7.75 an hour, there are only 2 of us both working for that rate of pay and things are not easy...the only thing I can say is that i feel for you and Ben while times are stressful, maybe a good smudging, cleansing and then some meditation time would help....hang in there....Love and Light, Lavendar - Ice

I am so sorry to hear of the struggles you and Ben are having to endure.  I hope he can get another job soon and that the company he was working for will allow payments to be made for the debut you all incurred.  Times are tough...   It sounds as if you are very supportive of Ben and he is lucky to have that.  I think, given time, he will get better with the truck driving if the tow truck job doesn't work out.  I can't imagine trying to maneuver one of those things in tight places.  Again, look out for you, too, though.  You are very sweet and empathetic.  Just try to impress upon Ben that it may take some time for him to learn the ropes, but he HAS to stick to it a while....

Best of luck!!

uriel

Hi, I have been reading your posts and remember from the first few.  I must agree with Lady E on this one.  I do understand how stressful truck driving can be and is.  But I must say I do not believe in curses and being cursed ( I remember saying this once before), it is only the power you give the thought.  If he believes he is cursed he will be and more over maybe it is a good excuse.

In life we have a path to follow and life will let you know when you have travelled off that path.  Sometimes we notice, get the hint and get back on track, other times we don't notice and life gets harder and harder until we realise and change things.  Does your boyfriend really think that truck driving is for him, sorry but by the sounds of things it really isn't.  He should sit down and have a long hard think about what it is in life he really wants to do, what is the desire of his heart and look into that.  Some people set themselves up in jobs, relationships etc that aren't right for them so that they don't feel sao bad when they fail.

I am not having a go at you or your partner, and I do feel for you as this is a very hard time for you both.  But his insecurities are not your fault and he needs to be a man and just do it.  There comes a time in adult life we take responsibility for our choices and if he owes money to the company, he needs to take care of that.

But my prayers are with you both that it all turns out for the best.

Kath

Well Ben has two interviews tomorrow.  The first on is for a local company driving a truck.  They rent out small storage buildings called pods to construction sites and other places that need temporary equipment storage facilities.  He'd be taking these pods out to where they are needed in the area and picking them back up.  He'd be home every night and it starts out at $12 dollars an hour with some overtime on Saturdays during the busy season.

The other is for a place that does computer and electronics repairs.  Its a temp to hire job.  If they like your work they hire you on full time.  That one pays 10.50  We really hope he gets the first but the second one would be nice to. Though he had hoped to get out of computer work.

Best of wishes on his interviews!

So I presume he was able to get out from under schnider?

No, he still owes them for the CDL training but they allow all the guys who quit to make payments.  It's still cheaper than if her had gotten a loan and gone through a college to get the CDL.  He will start to pay them back as soon as he gets a job.

Best wishes on those interviews....Lav

well it looks like he has a job but they are still waiting to hear from the coorporate office.  we should know for sure sometime today.

he got the job!

— indigo_faerie wrote

No, he still owes them for the CDL training but they allow all the guys who quit to make payments. �It's still cheaper than if her had gotten a loan and gone through a college to get the CDL. �He will start to pay them back as soon as he gets a job.

Indigo,

Did Ben ever get with the school about paying them back? Maybe the loan company who gave him the school loan can help ya'll out? It's something to think about since they gave Ben the money to go to trucking school. Just thinking of you and hoping this will help.

Be well,