Ok I am in the middle of a divorce... should have happened years ago...though he also claims a Pagan path his disrepect was just.. shocking.

ANYWAY... tomorrow I go to court for the first time. He now lives out of state and since I finally filed ( I was tired of his threats)  he hasn't mentioned it to me... completely out of character.  I have no idea whether he will be there and keep waiting for him to show up.

Since I am a stay at home mom with two special needs children I had to use my mortgage money for a lawyer...so they will be foreclosing on the house.

This is why tomorrow is very important.  I need the court to give me permission to leave the state with the kids so we can be close to family so I can go back to work and get our lives back on track.

Any suggestions on meditations ... or anything really ... to help me stay calm, cool and collected tomorrow?  I am not angry anymore...not really...just tired of the games and fed up with being trapped here ( kind of an emotional hostage if you will...tells me I can leave whenever I want but if I leave with the kids he will charge me with kidnapping though he hasn't seen them since November and he won't call them...waits for them to call him)

Happy thoughts?  positive energies?  Suggestions?

Thanks!  I am having to do things not normally within my character ( let the house foreclose for example) to get us where we (the girls and I ) need to be. So this is hard for me.

Thanks so much... this is just something new.

Taking lots of deep breaths tonight... got a little one who has become a night child lately...so to bed at 8 pm...up around 1. And then down again around 4 or 5 if tonight holds true to the other nights.

I am feeling more positive... I know in my heart I have never done anything hurtful and I know my intentions are good.  Over the last few months I have let go of the anger.  I can't help but think these are all positives and will come back to me.