Hello All,

I've been in hiding (from myself and from magic I suppose) for over a year.  This seems to be a pattern in my life.  Whenever I begin to open up and begin living as a witch again, I find myself bound into strange associations with incredibly gifted people.  However, these people are almost always highly unbalanced.  I never notice this at first, or at least I do not judge them for the imbalance.  More importantly, I fail to protect myself from them.

It's just so difficult to believe that someone with such an amazing gift, with such talent in spirit, intuition, and magic, could be simultaneously so destructive.  I want so much to have friends who I can share with and learn from, but somehow I only meet people who are out for the power and status of magic.  These power mongers have nearly reduced me to ruins at times, and yet they have been the ones who showed me the most powerful magic I've ever encountered.  So many people attracted to this path continually question the existence of magic.  I don't question it at all, because these power hungry manipulators have shown it to me time and again, but it's so hard for me to accept that the final truth came from such a dark place.  How can a woman with healing hands also be a liar and cheater and someone who traps and manipulates?  How can a man who can read eyes, a man with flawless mastery of the pendulum, also be a person who seeks to destroy and enslave other minds?  I was raised to believe that spiritual and magical power came hand in hand with enlightenment and compassion, but that does not seem to be the case at all.  I know that there is always a balance between light and dark, but these people seem so much more destructive than creative.  I don't even have serious problems with the left hand path.  But the left hand path is so much different than power mongering, arrogance, and spiritual/emotional slavery.

Has anyone else noticed this, or is it just a lesson I personally need to learn?  Does anyone have any suggestions for dealing with this?  At this point in my life, I completely avoid other pagans because I am so wary of these destructive people.  It's so ironic that I'm in hiding, not from Christians or conservatives, but from other pagans.

Advice?

Raith

Rath i understand your problems. being born with the powers i have and many of the people you discribe have tried to bring me into there folds. what helps is quit hiding face them and your own fears of these people. they maybe talented but there is nothing to fear if you just face it. just carry some extra protection and go about your way you don't need them although they may want you don't cater to them if they themselves are twisted then there path is twisted and not neccesarily for you. i think that is why they keep being put in your path maybe that is what the divines are trying to teach you but you keep on putting your head in the sand. i think you need to become proactive against it and more rooted like here i am and i'm not hiding. the gods and godesses and least in my path like and respect that in a worker of magick.

Thank you so much Torrvald and Cromotos.

Believe it or not, I never considered just stepping out and facing up to this.  For some reason, it's very difficult for me to cut people off, even when I know they are an unhealthy influence on my life.  It's especially difficult when they are gifted, I think, because I know what it's like to be judged and pushed aside because you're different/gifted.  But I think you're both right.  I think I need to trust my instincts and learn when to say no, and when to back away.  If someone is a twisted person, I need to give myself permission to do everything I can to protect myself from that energy.  Any suggestions on protection charms?  Or even "trust your instinct" charms?

Thanks,
Raith

Depending on your path there are always protections for the various things from stones like jet, black onyx, and moss agate to runes and talismans. I being of the norse faith and way would tell you to carry or wear a Thorr's hammer. but anhy symbol of protetion from the dark would work.

One thing that I have learned over the ages, is that we are presented at all times with experiences to learn from.

They may not always be pleasant experiences, but even from the darkest of them, we learn, and in learning we grow.

Take what these people teach you. do ont take the people, or the energies, but take the lessons.

Even if what you take from the whole thing, is that you are strong enough to walk away, head held high, and not buried in the sand.

By the sounds of it, you have learned alot from them. You have learned that man can be tainted by power, but you have also learned that it is not all about the power as well.

You have seen things in their magick that some never see in many lifetimes. Learn from this. Grow from this. Be stronger than this.

Dearest Raith,

I hear your disappointment in that you find people with qualities that interest you only to find out that they are not people you want to have a friendly relationship with.  It is hard being a solitary, it is human nature to want friends with like interests!  Everyone here has posted some excellent thoughts and advice.  Cromotos has had a similar experience to myself in that when I finally decided to be happy single that special person shows up, and I think that goes for more than just finding your own special person.  It is something about being grounded in your own self worth, and being content with where you are and the lessons that are there for you.  When that happens then new stuff opens up.  It's tricky, and I don't profess to know exactly what I'm talking about much less having any kind of mastery over it.  It also has something to do with being patient and content with the present while waiting for our desires to manifest - and that's hard too! I'm a solitary and often wish I had someone to share my interests with.  Being physically close and sharing the energy of a like-minded person is an extremely affirming experience, but for now I'll be content exploring this path alone, welcoming the time I unexpectedly come across someone with similar interests.  (And of course, you have more friends than you can count here in the castle, even if we can't all get together in the same physical space.)

Hang in there Raith, we are all here when you need us.  There is no time-table on the path of the ancients, don't get down on yourself for hiding for awhile, maybe you needed that.  You're not hiding now even if you feel alittle vulnerable or wary.  And remember, we who follow the ancient paths are the silent ones, the invisible ones, the ones who can only be found by subtle clues.  As AliceJ wrote, the truly powerful people always "appear" less than they really are.

With light and love,   Acasia

It is verry true what we all have told you. me i am happy with being solitare and don't play well with other sorta speak. at times i have both helped and hindered people on there paths and later thanked by everyone of them. knowledge if that is what you seek can be gleamed from many sources but especialy with magick you must follow your heart for it is what helps us along the path and we will always be around in some way to kick around  

I would have to agree with all the advice here.  I have seen some of your other posts and still have only one question for you

Are you being fair to yourself and the relationships around you by hiding who you truly are?  

Remember nobody is brave without fear.  You can do this, you just need to pull your head out of the sand and look around, the way will be made clear to you.

Blessed Be
Skyy

Thanks Again Everyone

It amazing how clear things become after I read your responses.  Everything seems so incredibly complicated . . . and then poof, simple.  I think that, like Skyy said, I'm not making the right decision by hiding.  There are so many pagans I know, but I hide the fact that I'm pagan from them because I'm afraid of finding out that they are, like the others, cruel and manipulative.  It's so much easier to stand at a distance and tell myself they're wonderful people (never running the risk of finding out otherwise).  I'm afraid of being disappointed again.  But I need to get past that fear, give myself permission to protect myself from twisted individuals, and then really stand up and be exactly who I am.  I've been doing better about that lately, but I feel so much apprehension about it.  Every time I do something "hocus pocus" one part of my brain is making up excuses to tell people if they ask me about it.  But I don't need excuses.  I don't have to play it down or act like "it's nothing."  Whenever I eat outdoors, or close to outdoors, I like to leave a portion of my meal out in the grass for the critters, nature, and whatever else.  It's a symbolic and actual reminder for me to give back, and it keeps things in perspective in my mind.  Whenever people ask me about this I tell them "just cause."  But there's no reason I can't make an offering at a barbecue in front of family and friends and just tell them what it means when they ask.

So, you're probably all right.  When I'm finally alright with being me (all by myself), I'll meet the right kind of people to share that with.  Anyway, I hope you're right.  I've noticed that this works in the romance department, so lets hope it works this way too.

Raith, thank you so much!!! I now see I'm not alone, and I'm not the only one that has met that kind of people.

Let me add something that helped me..

MAYBE you unconsciously attracted those people to your life, to remind yourself you have POWER (as they do), and the size of it.... and to remind yourself its your decision how to use that power (as it is theirs).

Saying goodbye to that kind of people and recognizing the horrible things they do recquieres power. So let me remind you that using your POWER with your heart, does not mean you have become like those people.

You learned from them, but YOU ARE NOT LIKE THEM! and this sounds silly, but it was the most difficult thing for me to understand about my situation.

Blessings
Jimmagickal

Raith
  you are a special person i think you haven't faced that you are yet once you open yourself up and face the world the magick mirriors and will show you more of the magick within.