Firstly, I hope this will actaully post as had great troubles in trying to add this to my original post.. May I just start by saying to those who replied previously, thank you all for your kind words..

Maybe a little more background would help.. As I said previously, there are a few health problems I 'cope' with - Sleep Apnoea, depression, severe osteoarthritis in all main joints from and including lower spine (so both hips, both knees to the point they are displaced, both ankles) also in both shoulders, flare-ups in wrists, knuckles on both hands and due to it all - low self-esteem.. I also have a 'mid-abdominal' hernia which have coped with for over a year (one of the operations needed in coming months) and partly because of weight issues that have always battled with, I need another operation on top.. not including the food intolerances and being pre-diabetic due to Impaired Glucose Tolerance (body cant cope with sugar - in any form - to point now am allergic to it..as well as wheat, potatoes, some fruits and certain vegetables am not allowed together..) *sighs*..

When I first saw my surgeon about the hernia in Jan 08, he told me quite bluntly that he could do the operation but I wouldnt survive. His actual words were 'I could operate on you next week but you'd be dead within a day', not exactly something you want to hear - so he refered me for Gastric surgery. Since Jan 05 I've dropped 6stone but it isnt enough, hence the gastric operation..

I'm 37yrs old with 2 gorgeous daughters and 3 darling grand-children who I feel are slowly 'losing' their Mum/Nannan because I cant do what I'd like to and because of the health issues, I feel a lot older at times, feel like am in limbo because of everything thats going on and that have gone through.. I've had numerous blood tests and just feel that despite all the 'hoops' have jumped through and the tests etc, I'm going nowhere fast.. like I'm swimming in tar

I've to go to local hospital on Dec 30th to be sorted with a C.P.A.P machine and then go back again after a short trial to see whether its helped or if it needs 'tweaked' etc.. but tomorrow (Dec 22nd).. is another matter.. that is the day I have come to dread and it is the day I really feel I need advice on how to deal with, cope with and be able to get through without it causing me the same emotional heartache I have every time I go to see my Surgeon.. I face a 3hr drive to be poked, prodded and to a certain extent, feel 'scrutinized' and leave feeling 'stripped' bare..

Thank you for reading thus far and yes, it has helped to a certain extent. I've a large collection of crystals, candles and incense I can use to help relax, but am not sure which would be better.. my darling OH is literally my rock, without his support and understanding, I dont think I'd have got this far..he puts up with so much from me.. the mood swings, the recluse I become when it all starts to get too much but I want to feel like am living, not existing.. if that makes sense?
Any and all advice which helps me through this.. and yep, I know deep breathing helps..lol..  will be much appreciated and for those who'd like to be kept informed.. Yes I will let you know..

Blessings to you all xxxx

Before you go, at some point try to do some visualization exercises and place yourself in a "quiet spot" that would suggest peace and calm to you.  If at all possible, while you are working with an exercise like that, charge a stone to be a "reminder" and carry it with you to your appointment.  If you can, hold the stone in your hand or in a pocket you can easily reach, and when you feel really nervous, pull it out and feel it in your hand.  Be reminded of your "quiet spot".  For something like this, I use a either a good grounding stone (like hematite), or one for emotions (like blue lace agate, which is my favorite stone).