WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target.  Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out.  Equally unfortunate, my wife is like
most women - she loves to browse.  Yesterday my dear wife received the
following letter from the local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in
our store.  We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban
both of you from the store.  Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,
are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares.  Get on it right away'.  This caused the employee
to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor
that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time
and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on
layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'  EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'  One of
the clerks passed out.

   

   

Lol, that's hilarious. Has anyone done anything off of this list or the other one? The "tomato juice to the women's bathroom" was new.

I cracked up which isn't good when you're eating potatoes at the keyboard.. try explaining that to the GeekSquad.

Mara

      That is soooo funny!  I can picture a couple of men I know actually doing a few of those things.

and he cant figure out why his application for the Target CC was denied....

nosepick  

Poor lady, and she didn't even do anything, well except drag the problem child along! Teach her.  

I have either perpetrated at least contemplated most of these deeds.  I once took a bottle of Coke to a Target service desk to return it because it had bubbles in it.  Years ago, when Target had those little bears all over the place, I started screaming about how they were all looking at me.  Once I bought ammunition at a Wal-Mart and mentioned that no, I wasn't going to use it there because it was much too expensive.  (I was actually telling the truth.)  My favorite thing with the wet-floor signs is to arrange two or three so they appear to protect one small area.  (This works well at Wal-Mart.)  I've also posed as upper management from a competitor, explaining that I was just there looking things over, since my company had recently purchased their company and we were going to be taking over within the next two or three weeks.


Monk

I went to work one day and found someone had built a fort using toiletpaper and papertowels and i don't beleive is was a kid because of how tall is was.

Greenmonk, you're dangerous!
I used to hate taking my ex (the first one) into the store because he'd be walking around picking his nose. �(He didn't do it as a joke...he was really fishing.) �People would stare at him and then look at me like, "he's with HER?"

Ever buy a combination of things to f*ck with people's heads?  Ex, gloves, shovel, and black trash bags Or petroleum jelly and a zucchini.  I did by accident once, I bought pickles and Ice cream.  I needed both but didn't think about what I was buying until the girl at the check out counter asked if I was pregnant.

indigo_faerie, Wal-Mart employees are issued a card that entitles them to a 10% discount off general merchandise. �When I myself worked in that armpit of hell, some self-important nobody in the personnel department announced that they would be monitoring the use of the cards very closely for any sign of fraud. �From then on I made it a point to never use my card for anything but condoms and handgun ammunition--usually purchased together.

Monk

My brother pulled the best one I've ever heard of.  About twenty years ago, he and and a friend were walking through a mall and stopped to look at a leather-goods boutique.  When the clerk asked if he could help them, my brother explained that he and his boyfriend had been driving all over town looking for buckskin condoms, and this was their last hope.  Apparently the clerk's reaction was priceless.

Monk

You and your family are awesomely wicked Monk.    

Mara