ever feel like no one gives a shit?

i do, very often. i stay home all day with my two little ones (engulfed in a refined home routine that keeps laundry clean and neat, home space clean and comfy, and hot homecooked dinners on the table), but life has parted me from all my friends from life b.c. (before children). the young mothers I've tried friendships with all want to divorce their husbands and are soaked in negativity and complaint. they even update their facebooks with their latest ailments and obstacles to happiness. i've adopted my fiance's friends as my own because they still take the time to come visit him, but they don't fit me the same. �my side of the family has a tragic story, and no one from this former life of mine contacts me without needing emotional support of their own (ah, except my grandma). in the past year, I've made all the visits to them, pack up the kids and head to their town for the day (about an hour away), but despite even being invited to the christmas dinner I hosted for them, they have not come to see me. i've been working a craft business for nearly two years, occasionally someone will ask how it's going, but by the time I respond their attention is somewhere else. even the simplist friendly conversations with these people turn to debates, but i have no need to show off my knowledge or prove that my point of view is more right more of the time. seems i've lost contact with company who just likes to be around me. i often feel like a springboard used to boost other people's egos...a practice that i know even i've employed in the past, but has fallen out of favor with me.

i've begun taking time for myself out of the house, visiting monthly craft meetings, tarot club meetings, and free presentations at the college, which I really enjoy. I also really enjoy where I am in life, how my business (very literally, my "craft") is wholely satisfying to me, and my connection to my astral guides. I feel I'm making beautiful progress in life spiritually every day. When I take this knowledge into the world silently I'm empowered. When I try to relate to others, I'm perceived as sheltered, looked down upon because I've quit searching for a job title to identify me, stopped dressing in clothes to promote me, incredible (un-credible?) because it's my path, not the news or latest findings, that gives me the knowledge I use. I have a BA in Media Studies, I've completed formal schooling with advanced honors, and have been a spokesmodel for the past 3 years - it's not that I couldn't have had an image that impresses others. I did. But it wasn't what made me at ease with life.

so i'm coming out of a weekend of hosting company in my home that mostly challenged and pitied me. since my home is the place i spend the vast majority of my time, i feel sad. maybe this queen has miles to go before earning her throne, even in her own home. maybe. i also am keenly aware of how my whole life, since i was very young, i've found the most enjoyable, relatable company with women over 50, and how at age 28 i may just not be able to find many peers who've come to the same understandings I have in life.

i hope sharing this stretch of my lonely path reaches others staying true to themselves while wondering "what's the point?". thanks for the space.

Thanks, Realeyez.  Your post and the last 2 posts from Lady Elaine have been exactly what I needed due to circumstances in my life right now.
I had a talk with a couple of people this morning.  That and after your post, I feel so much better.  'What's the point?'  You said it.  Because you're being true to yourself, and you're happier for it.  
Ahh, I have so much to learn, but am enjoying it again.
Who said, 'The day we stop learning is the day we die'.
Thanks again girls.

Realeyez, I'm getting so many mixed signals from this post sweetie. On one hand , you're a loving mom who has the daily mom and homemaking thing down to a science. As a parent myself, I fully appreciate that aspect of your daily routine because my wife and I work (and always have for almost 20 years now) different hours and the childcare and housekeeping duties have always been shared. If you want to feel good about the direction your life is heading in, look into the loving eyes of your children. Think about where they'd be without you and the things you do for them. Think about how your baby's eyes light up when you enter the room. And I don't think anyone could ever say there is a sweeter sound than that of your own child's laughter. These are things you should feel great about. The young mothers you mentioned choose to focus on the negative aspects in their lives. Personally, when people like that are around me, it makes me feel like the luckiest guy on earth to be blessed with the family I have. Don't get me wrong- there isn't a day that goes by when one or both of my daughters doesn't test their mom or me, but we get through it and we still love and care for each other deeply (by the way, enjoy them while they're little- it doesn't get any easier, the growing pains just change form � ). Regarding the folks who "look down on you or pity you"- You are a small business owner who still finds the time to be a mother, a wife, and all the duties that comes with those roles. You are a person who has the courage to be themself and feels comfortable doing it. What you are not is someone who feels the must live up to everyone else's expectations of what THEY feel YOUR life should be. Don't allow others to shake your self confidence. �If YOU don't believe in YOU or the path your life has taken, why should anyone else �So fire up some sage and clear the negative energy that your guests left behind in your home. By the way, you sound a lot like my daughter: she's always been more comfortable around those much older than she is (and she's only 18 ). Older folks have the benefit of having "been there/done that". Life experience is a valuable teacher and if you can tap into the wisdom of some of your more mature friends and learn from it, you will be all the wiser for it. Hope all is well.

Blessings,

Draco

marigold - i'm glad my message reached you the way it did - paradoxically, my ramblings on loneliness aparently found company. perfect.

draco - thank you for your response. i feel compelled to point out that depression is not a necessary component of lonliness. i'm happy as a lark, as i know i'm doing what i should be the absolute best i can, but i'm also lonely as a hermit, knowing true wisdom and understanding come from the still silence within - both suit me just fine. no wonder you're picking up mixed signals � my kids deliver me most of my joy, and all of my companionship, every day. i'm with them all day and all night, they are my life's calling and they've retaught me how to live healthily and energetically. i take as much stock in them as you're urging me to - for the purpose of this post, include them as a part of me.

the original post is a testimony to what happens when you focus all your attention to your life's calling. you grow a light so bright within the confines of your own walls that it spawns and supports life itself, and you can expect distracted others from the chaotic world to stop popping in just to say "hi" and the like. this is an intentional goal - as order enters, chaos decreases. ok, so life's becoming more clear, and the unclear aspects (even the unclear people) are falling by the wayside. spiritually, this is desireable, pleasing even, but from my ego's perspective, i feel repulsive! this looks like no one understands me, no one's calling me or inviting me to go out or spend time together, and efforts to get to know me seem to be too strenuous or unworthy of other's precious time. there's bars to hop, there's work to slave away at, there's sleeping in to enjoy. my parents and siblings are steeped in turmoil over their heads - they're unable to reach me, remember what it is that i do, keep reliable transportation, or call me just to talk without heavy hearts. they are a special circumstance and i don't harbor hard feelings for them, but also feel like i'm missing out on a lot of family support that seems like it should be a guarantee in life. again, the chaotic are falling by the wayside, sometimes it sad to watch them go. it is indeed a traumatic blessing to have your original foundation destroyed.

with no interest from others, ain't no one cheering you on down your path, at least not me, not yet. they will, but they aren't people i know yet; i have a premonition that i have yet to meet my biggest fans in life, and my business is leading me along the path to THAT enjoyable treasure in due time. �i'm 28 - think about my life's structure vs. those of my peers, just getting settled into their chosen careers, getting comfortable with the security their official title affords them, earning bits of praise and interest from their families who are so proud of their progress and success in the world, affording them the confidence to speak whatever they know as if it were rock solid truth... i have a unique understanding of the temporary nature of all these pleasantries. in comparison, i try to devote my everyday simply to mere awareness, just so the universe may know of it's own creation. it's a way of life that completely negates everything young professionals are struggling for, so i have little conversations with people my age without debate and conflict. and i understand why, and i give up. i cling hopeful to the thought that the light of awareness, growing so bright within the confines of my own walls, will break through those walls someday, and those attracted to it will find it, and come say hi to me. then i will have compatible company, then i may have a friend.

until then...

Hi Real_Eyez,

In many ways, I am very attuned to your situation, with the exception that I am nearly completely alone. Since I've moved to my current location, I know only the people with whom I work. I have neither kids nor significant other, and my family isn't the nurturing type. I'm 30, and I can relate to you completely when you speak of the attitude of your peers and the struggle that goes into trying to start a career. You have a family even though you are driven, so you have some support in place. I've been walking my own path for a while, and this I can tell you...

Because I am alone, I do have the benefit of not being bombarded with other's negativity. When you really don't have close friends, you do not have that drain of energy. When someone annoys me, I can just leave. I can focus on myself without feeling guilt, and because of this, I have made tremendous progress in "knowing" me. I can also focus on the studies of my choosing with little interruption. Honestly, I've never found a person who could really share my love of learning and study, and those how nearly approached my enthusiasm could not keep up. For a person trying to find meaning, this way of life does have many attractions.

However, there are equal if not more drawbacks when you walk your own lonely path. You can become too self-focused and too self-absorbed. I don't mean in a selfish way, I mean literally that you live within yourself at the expense of the physical realm. When the world does not seem to provide you with what you need, you make your own world within you that meets your needs. If you are an imaginative person, this is very dangerous, as the world you have created can seem as real to you as the physical world. If you are a very focused person who practices magic, this can be dangerous.

At first I used my mental world to learn and organize knowledge. Over time, I've basically become dependent on my mental world to make up for all that I lack. I honestly can't say that the poverty of my "physical/social" life is something that would have happened any way or if it was fed by my ability to live inside myself. Real_eyez, you do have a fiance and children to ground you, but you need to be careful for your lack of companions.

I have found that every interaction with another person is a sharing of life energy. EVERY INTERACTION. From your significant other, to your children, to a checkout cashier at a grocery store, you are exchanging energy. I KNOW this because I live virtually a hermetic life, and when I actually do go out among people, I FEEL the exchange. It�s like living on a low-sodium diet, and then going back to regular food. You can taste how overly abundant salt is in food. You become acutely sensitive to salt. Well, I live a low communal energy life, and when I have a rare day of �normal� social exchange, it is almost overwhelming. This is probably the most important thing my Path has taught me to date. I use to believe that it was possible to be self-sufficient in every way, and I devoted my life to that goal. I was totally wrong.

The point is that you do need to be around people. You cannot get this energy any other way. At first, you will feel empowered and self-sufficient as you follow your own Path, but over time, you will be slowly drained. It does not happen like a sudden crisis, it�s just small amounts. Although friends and acquaintances can be draining, especially if they are needy, it is a social interaction, and you do get energy from them. The more intimate the relationship to you, the greater the exchange of energy, typically. When you do not have friends and acquaintances, yet give energy to others, you are slowly being drained.

I would say that I have become more isolated as I tried being a good person and giving more of myself because I basically gave more energy than I was receiving.  By the time I had realized what a hole I had dug for myself and that I needed other people, there was no one there.  At this point, every good deed feels like a small sacrifice because I am giving of myself but the accumulated lack of social energy is more than I receive.  It�s a lack I built for myself over many years, and the frail acquaintances I do keep can only do so much.

Real_Eyez, the point I am trying to make is that you need to avoid viewing friendship as a luxury that will happen as it is meant to. That is a concept that, over time, will put you in a place I would not wish upon an enemy.  Devote equal time to cultivating lasting relationships. If the �sitting back and waiting for things to come to me� approach really worked, I would not be able to move for the amount of friends and loved ones. For a stay at home mom with her own business, any strong acquaintanceship is critical.

Remember that your peers are not necessarily the same people as your friends. Also remember that the exchange of energy between you and others is critical and necessary. It may be disheartening to try to make friends with people with such dissimilar world views, but it is much worse to give them up.

oh realeyez if u were nearby i would pop in for a coffee. u are not repulsive!! i admire the fact u have a lovely family, business u love and are secure in who u are. i would be over in a flash to see what new things u have 'conjoured' up! lol!
as u said as u invite organisedness into ur life other things fall by the wayside, but true friends would still call to see what u are up to ,not just to whine. friendship works both ways, u give AND take. i have had many probs with that in that people just seemed to take all the time and left me drained.
honestly ya ever want a penpal just to chat and talk about randomness just email me i am happy to write!!! at the moment i am starting to make my own jewellery so we have quite alot in common, and i'm only 27!!!!!!!!  i also feel more comfortable in older company so would love to chat to someone nearer my own age!!!


chat soon hopefully
lucky
)0(

Ok,
First, Realeyez, there is nothing in your first post that I don't feel myself.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought that you meant loneliness as from an understanding perspective.  Since I've changed my life style, I felt very lonely.  No-one understands why I'm always emphasizing with other people.  (I now know where my previous anger came from).  My family knows of my precognitions, but they're not people you sit down to talk to it about.  I could go on about what I'm feeling, and the lack of feelings around me, but Real-Eyez I think you said it.  
Stacey, you brought up a point that I may have missed, and Real-Eyez I apologize if I didn't read you correctly.  Having someone to talk to in the physical sense is very important.  I too used to be only a housewife, mother and I didn't have any friends.  Stacey, you're right in that I think it's very easy to make another reality for yourself that your family doesn't see.  I seen that happening, got a part-time job that I love, and have made friends.  That helps in keeping you grounded and aware of your surroundings outside your own personal self.  Don't know if I said that correctly.  
p.s.  you guys are all beautiful people.

RealEyez, I didn't really interpret your post as a sign of depression, all I got from it was that you were disappointed or somewhat saddened by the unwillingness of others to include you in social circles (other than to lay out all of their troubles on you). Yes, its true that most people in your age bracket are in the infancy of their career titles. I'm reasonably certain that they are still trying to fully understand the parameters of those titles. Hell, I was on the job 5 years and was still learning. The thing is, I think that most of those folks will be struggling with their identities until they get settled into a daily routine and become comfortable with what they do. �As for the family situation, two of the three people I ever counted on for support or advise passed away in December (my parents). My wife is the only real confidant left in my life now. Yes, I have two really close friends to whom I feel I can tell pretty much anything. I don't see them much due to work schedules and geograghic distance. But we have Facebook and email. We also know that if one of us needed the other person for anything that he'd be there. Stacey was absolutely correct in stating that we are social creatures. We all need interaction with other people. Hell, they even made a "reality show" based on that fact (Survivor). To be alone or "voted off the island" assures certain doom. With regard to the "cheering section" you referred to I say this: watch and observe the people around you (and this includes your fiance and children). They say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. If this is true, I think you'll eventually notice some people in your life are following the examples you've set (whether you've done it �consciously or unconsciously). And having said that, I think you have already met your "biggest fans in life", but because of your youth, you haven't realized it yet. � . By the way, the debate and conflict you spoke of regarding conversations with people your own age- I love debate and conflict . I find it very entertaining- even if I'm on the loosing side. Hope all is well Sweetie (or at least gets better for your ego ).

Blessings,

Draco

slay the ego! 0956(  it's the only thing that perceives the lack i don't have...  

for starters, let me thank all of you for your involved responses. before i go back to address them individually, let me just throw this out there: from the depth and variety of responses this post has received, i'm coming to know lonliness as just another misperception. like "lack", it's a "non-entity", it's a "have-not", and it's not real. i have family, stacey has co-workers, marigold has family as well, and we all feel lonely. apparently, lack of people is also not required for lonliness. i hope that can help everyone emotionally involved to this post take a good stab at slaying the Lonely demon. pizza and bowling to follow.

Stacey, thank you again for your thoughtful response. i too feel the freedom of being allowed to choose my own studies and my own perspective without guilt, because no one (like parents, for example) has a vested interest in me. i count that blessing everyday, and am aware of how it has progressed my knowledge of myself as well. You mentioned, "When the world does not seem to provide you with what you need, you make your own world within you that meets your needs." I wish I could. I'm terribly unimaginative, and maybe because of this I don't cast spells. Must've had everything I needed as a child, didn't get to exercise my imagination too much and I think it's rusty   So, my mental studies are more focused on capability and functionality - what can I create here in physical reality? Any time I spend creating entities in the mental and emotional realms are quickly brought to the physical light of day. Fire sign. As my side of the family is completely dysfunctional, capability is a skill worthy of my lifelong attention - unlike a specific career for a certain boss. I know you feel me on this     I don't physically hole myself up, though. I'm out in public everyday, for groceries, taking the kids to the library, going to meetings around town I enjoy (which should suggest that I'm not just waiting around for friends to happen - I actively seek out company but, it's like, "swing and a miss" everytime). I keep a steady daily and weekly routines that keep me moving about (and keep my kids involved in life outside the home, too!). The hermit part of me is responsible - I haven't hidden from the world in order to punish the unworthy by witholding my energy from the world.  It's more like I've ignored social reality to know myself and my children better, to sync up my desires with their needs, and also to heal from years of drinking and cigarettes, and when I resurfaced to enjoy life outside the home again, strong and confident and healthy, I saw no one around.

I do think my combination of communication studies plus years of being paid to talk to the public has further skewed (or heightened) my ideas of worthwhile interactions with others. I'd bet that I've had more "energy exchanges" with people one-on-one than maybe anyone in the whole world. So, maybe my inability to find anyone to share an equal exchange of energies with is karmically in balance with my distribution of thousands of pre-planned scripted pitches, where I involved people in conversation they thought was engaging, only to close the sale with the script I was reading from my head... yeah. karma.

Marigold, I'm thankful I found you, and that someone else understands my sense of lonliness in a world full of people. So, what do we do? I start with acknowledging that I think what you're doing is worthwhile, and the world is a better place because you're taking the time to correct some misperceptions within yourself, thus correcting some of the misperceptions that reside in the world. That kind of work doesn't make the news, but it makes the most change in the world.

Draco, those two really close friends you can tell anything to and would be there for anything are more precious than gold -they are the real treasures of this life. Call them today. I do see the changes and dedications I make for myself reflected in the attitudes of my fiance and little ones. I'll keep my eyes open to more of that, and thank you for opening up my ability to perceive support, I will allow more of the supportive energy of the universe to flow into my consciousness. Thanks again.

Lucky, hit me up anytime

If the universe contains unending matter and constantly moving energy, may all of us be open to receive the energy of companionship today. If we never experienced the depths of lonliness, how would we know the value of companions and friendship? I know I'll be talking to a tree today. My two year old acquired her sock puppet this morning.

much love to you all. this is the kind of company I've been lonely for    ahh, time for a good belly laugh.

I thought of that yesterday during my last post.  I'm sure I never read such a vast and difference response from each of us over one posting.  It made me laugh.
hey....you know that you're loved.
Thanks for the pizza, and the string in bowling.

Hi Real-eyez

I havent been in here for a long time and was reading back in the forum, when i  saw your post. You just wrote everything i feel inside. There are plenty of people around me, but the loneliness never goes away. I have had this feeling in my life for the past 15 years or so. It is geting smaller now, but it is still there. The same with the feeling of " noone understands where i am in my life now " feeling.

I have never had more than 1 very good friend at once, but there have been long pauses between each of them. Right now there is no one who knows exactely how i feel inside, because there are no people around me who wouldn�t think that im crazy. I can see today, that it is my own fault that i dont have ant close friends, because im too uncertain to let them into my life. Im too afraid they will laugh at me and go away again. And then it is easier not to let them in.

But i can also see what Stacey is saying about the energy- exchange. I have kept to my self for a long time, not physically but mentally, and i have been so tired, so drained of energy. (And i have been at the doctor, who couldn�t find a reason). But reading what Stacey wrote it all fell into place. Because i have been building up a large wall between me and the world around me. I have not allowed any energy-exchange to take place, so i have only been giving and not recieving. But for the past 2 years i have begun to open up a little for the world, and i am more energetic than before, i have lost 14kilos without doing anything for it, more the opposite in fact, and im on my way to be happier, have more selfconfidence, and overall i just ge more and more in balance with my self than i have ever done before.

A lot of love and big hugs to everyone

Safire

Hey RE,

I apologize for not having anything to add to the discussion at hand just wanted to say

HEY and Welcome Home


*hugs along with a cookie and a cup of cocoa*

Bramble

Thanks a lot Bramble      

Hi Safire,

If it helps, I know exactly how you feel. I do not generally keep more than one close friend at a time, and they are few and far between. I think those of us who are in this situation have different reasons for feeling this way, but the feeling is the same. Personally, I know that I isolate myself 1) out of distrust to others, 2) becuase I had no privacy or personal space growing up, and 3) I just need more alone time than the average person. I would be overwhelmed if I had more than 3 really close friends at a time.

I've studied reiki and have 2 new, but good friends who do energy work. I've asked them if it is possible to cut yourself off from the energy of the world around you. They say it is not, but I disagree with them on many points. I know that I many not be completely cut off, but I have obviously minimized the absorbtion of energy to the point that it is like starving. I think it may be the case that there are different types of energy, or the way the energy is transmitted changes dramatically from one situation to the next. Social interaction to me feels like one of the most condenced forms of energy transmition, and when you are a loner you know how good it feels to have a long conversation with someone or just share a meal.

I've learned that whatever my personality might dictate, I do need to have meaningful human contact. I use to think that I would be an awesome monk or nun living in the middle of no-where. Now I know that I do need to have people in my life, even though my personality is more that of an independent loner.

In some ways, depriving myself has allowed me to gain powerful perspectives in experiencing the energy dynamics between people and even plants. Also, as you mentioned, Safire, isolation does seem to reset your body mind, and spirit.  I have better self esteem, feel more capable, and behavioral have changed for the better once I dug myself out of the trench. Every once in a while, I go back to the same routine of isolation like an addict returning to a drug, but now I make myself return to civilization. We really just are not made to be alone for extended periods of time.

I think there are a lot of people out there like us.