Some of you know a bit about my past, it is something that I am trying to deal with and put behind be but sometimes that is easier said than done!
Right now I feel confused,bewildered even...and somewhat lost.
I try and focus or meditate and well is bloody impossible for me at this moment in time. The more it happens the worse I feel.
I cant sit still, I fidget allllll the time, I'm getting pins and needles in my fingers and sometimes, the odd jolt through the body. If it wasn't for my hubby and my kids annnnd my friends online I know I would disappear off the edge of the earth.
I am "missing" something, some big part of me inside is not there, my muses seem to be on vacation and I am filled with self-loathing.
Luckily I still have my dreams, at least I have them...but as for all my spirits around me, right now Im not picking them up to well...I am in a HUGE fog and I cant find my way out, and right now as I finish writing this out I am crying...pathetic eh?

Dear Hedgewitch,

We all have times like these (comfort) ....if you don't feel the sadness that life has, how can you enjoy the happiness???

Take time to be easy on yourself, and if you can, take a walk outside. Notice the seasons changing, the crispness in the air, the beautiful warmth of the sunshine.

Call a friend or family member and go to lunch, or better yet, pack a lunch and meet them at a nearby park. You can actually even do this by yourself....and enjoy the peace that this season brings.

It truly feels as if you are being too hard upon yourself, and need to get some fresh air. Your life is changing, and breathing will help the transition.....and being outside is the best way to do this.

Is there a zoo nearby? That's always a treat as well....or an aquarium, Butterfly pavillion....many of them have free days this time of year.....

Treat yourself to something fun, and that involves you getting out of the house....you will find that your spirits will be lifted....

Remember to take a warm shower before bed each evening if you can....this will help too. It will wash off all the negativity and "yuck" that we accumulate during the day, so you don't take it to bed with you.

These are only a few suggestions, I am sure others will offer more I am sure....

My thoughts and love are with you dear......you take care of YOU....and be at peace that life is ever-changing, and the light is out there....and inside of you!

Blessings Bright and Dark,

Thankyou Lady Elaine for your post.
I do find it hard when I havent got anything to do, Im currently working in a youth centre but I hate it there, the verbal abuse and threats of violence are too much to bare and I will be finishing that job around Yule time, during my days times is when I find things getting on top of me. I am volunteering three days a week at the primary school where my hubby works and I love it, but I am trying to find a paid job and Im applying for one at the primary school working one to one with a downs syndrome child and Im waiting to hear back about applying for one in the local special school...so hears hoping. Right now my hubby works all day 5 days a week, he also works at the youth centre 4 times a week and he's always on the look out for extra hours so that I can finish my schooling to be a teaching assistant and this makes me feel incredibily guilty and what makes it worse is the fact that we are short of cash because we're paying off the debt that my ex left me with, so that makes me feel doubly guilty.
I would love to get out and do the things that you suggested, but stupidly I never learnt to drive and public transport is expensive and the buses are few and far between. But tomorrow I will be at the school and I will be happy.
Anyways I have dug out my paints, I havent painted for such a looooong time so hopefully one of my muses will make an appearance...anyway Im beginning to lose any sense of what Im saying so I will leave this hear.
Thankyou again dear lady

Raevynkiss,
Thank you for your thoughts, I have been to the school today for my voluntary and at the moment I am feeling better for having been busy all day and I have college this evening so thats ok.
I think it stems back from when I was with my ex. I was a full time mum then and even when my children started at school my ex wouldn't allow me to get a job or to leave the house, if I went shopping I had a certain amount of time to do it in and if I was late...well I will just say that he wasn't impressed! So sitting at home now makes me feel that way again, though my husband has encouraged me to go out and do whatever I want to do and that feels wonderful to have that support, just when I'm at home on my own my mind wanders to places that I don't want it to go. When I'm at the school I feel like I glow!!
Tomorrow Im at the school too so I think I will be ok...