Maybe this is the wrong place to post this, but I couldn't find somewhere else. I've been looking over Lady Elaine's sites for the past 2 or 3 years and have been debating whether or not to leave my Christian roots and embrace paganism. I was living with my family until about a year ago, and there's no way they would accept me even considering a change in religion. But it seems that whenever I reach my lowest point I turn to books about magick rather than the Bible. I've never been very close to God no matter how much I've wanted to because everything about Christianity seems so contradictory. I know that if i do choose another path I will probably never be able to tell my family as it would hurt them deeply (them believing i was destined for an eternity of damnation) and this is partly what stops me. The other is that my husband is also not sure what he believes. He's willing to accept whatever choice i make, but I don't want to cause any problems with our relationship in the future.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me to become a witch, wiccan, neo-pagan or anything else, but if anyone can offer any advice in making my decision, I would really appreciate it. I know in the end it's up to me, but I don't know anyone in my area who isn't at least mundanely Christian (meaning here that they celebrate Christmas which they believe makes them Christian).

Sorry to make a short story long, but I want people to understand where I'm coming from so, thanks a lot.

Since I'm still here looking around I thought I'd say thank you both. I really want to learn a LOT more before I make any decisions. I was baptized once because I really thought it was the only thing to do, and have rededicated my life to God probably four times and my faith always fails because I don't take time to listen to my self. This time, whatever I choose, I want to be certain that it's right for me. I don't want my religion to be a fad like it has been for me in the past. I've always found god in nature and not in the church, it's really more a question of how you see god/dess in the end I suppose. I really need the encouragement as the last few weeks have been pretty turbulent for me, so thanks again.

I actually can be fun when I'm not desperately serious. *shrug*

I think that's sort of where I'm at right now, not having a religion. I've always been attracted to magic. Ever since I was little I've tried to will things to happen. I've always thought it would be nice to have a religion I could adapt, I've always done things my own way.

I won't be making any decisions until I've really thought over all of my possibilities. I think it's more fear of the unknown than anything else. I really needed some sympathy, I've been pretty pathetic the past few weeks and I didn't have any like minded people to talk to, I thought I might find some here. I am amazed that I haven't had anyone say anything negative or condemning yet. Try posting that question on a Christian site - not for the faint of heart.

Enough self pitty for now though, I'm feeling better today for the first time in a long time, so you've really been a help. (I actually started to cry reading your posts because it's been so rough for me)

Thank you all so much.

Feronia, the best thing I can add is you have had great advice. As someone that spent years being different but not willing to expend the effort to find out why, all I can say is you are looking in the right direction. Read, learn, be willing to suffer self examination. Look within, trust your own mind, heart, and soul. Where ever your journey leads you, it will be yours.

Sundown

Feronia, you've had some wonderful advice here, and I'm glad you're feeling better. There is no hurry, take things at your own pace, wherever they lead you, and follow what feels right in your heart. Try to find some "alone" time in nature, whether that's up a mountain trail or in a local park, whatever is nearby for you. Not that doing this will give you the answers, but I find when I am having a crisis of faith, it helps me to feel more centered and "in tune" with nature, which is a good thing whatever path you are on!

I have had really great advice here and it's helped a lot.

Spiritweaver: it's funny you should say that, I've done a few tarot readings lately and they all seem to be telling me to find some alone time with nature.

Freedom: that is a wonderful name, a wonderful way to live. I seek to find god in everyone and everything (and living in an apartment with no balcony or common yard isn't very conducive to communing with nature!) and, as you said magic is what the world is made of. Beautifully put and thank you for pointing that out. I don't want to fall into a religious fad as I've been inclined in the past to do. Too often people seek to find somewhere to belong through religion. This time I want to choose a path for good before committing myself to any one path - even if it takes the rest of my life to figure it out!

I can't tell you-all enough how much I appreciate your advice and support. I've never been in a community (even a virtual one) that bonds together so strongly.