Please forgive me if this is not the proper place for this post. I only joined today. My name is Izrail. I started on the pagan path ten years ago, strayed for quite sometime, but have returned to it with renewed strength and determination. Unfortunately, due to the quirks of life, I'm not as active in my practice as I would like, but... there is hope.

Something has been bothering me of late and I sincerely hope someone might offer me some bit of wisdom.

I have a bit of a dilemma involving cats, you see. To start, there is my dearest Sandman. Poor Sandman found me when I was about 20. He was a stray outside my parents' home in small town/rural north Florida. A stray black cat. I'd wanted a black cat for as long as I could possibly remember. Silly, I know. But I was an odd child. My father tried to run him off. I was living with my folks at the time - bit of a rocky start in adult life - but due to move out into my first apartment in just a few months. I started feeding the poor dear - skin and bones he was - and convinced my father to let him hang around outside until I moved and could take him with me. No one ever claimed him and no information could be found about the numbers tattooed on his belly. A vet confirmed he was a fixed male cat, in reasonable good health, fairly young - maybe 3 or 4.

This cat was very docile, very special. Would come jogging up from the bushes when I pulled into the drive way to see me. Didn't mind a bit when my young son managed before I could notice to pick him up by the head one day shortly after we'd met... Sandman just licked his little hands - kisses for his ignorance - when I'd gotten the child to set Sandman down. I had to keep this cat. I made a promise to Sandman that he would never be hungry again or beaten up (he was very banged up when he came to us) or discarded again. I've kept that promise thus far.

I've noticed over the years that Sandy - we call him that for short... incidentally the name of my grammy who died a year a half ago, a very magical woman, indeed - is like no other cat I've ever known. He's very docile physically to the point of be hesitant to defend himself. He's also very loving of those who are like-minded - his people, other docile cats, a young kitten being picked on by a grumpy, old female cat and this kitten, who lived with us for only a short while, was the only thing I'd ever really seen him get worked up for until recently. He would get between the older female cat and this little kitten.

Sandy is also a guardian. He hangs out infront of the front door while we're away and once scared away a maintenance man at our apartment because Sandy refused to move. He stared down a big, burly guy and all we could figure was... Sandy didn't know him... we weren't there... sooo... Sandy must have assumed the maintenance guy wasn't supposed to be there. At night he typically hangs out in the hallway perfectly centered between the entrance to my room and my sons. Just guarding. I've also noticed that he camps the "weird spots" in homes - my parents home and four apartments so far. Weird spots here being those spots in a home that for whatever reason seem to give you the creeps. He had a field day doing this with the hall in my parents home when he was allowed to stay inside there last summer when we were visiting. This hall always creeped me out as a child and my son says there is a lady who lives in that hall.

Sandy is also very devoted to his people and empathetic. I have actually known this cat to babysit us when we're sick. He'll go and sit with person A till they fall asleep and then go and sit with person B until they fall asleep and then go assume his post in the hall.

Special, indeed.

So special, in fact, that my boyfriend and I agreed to find another home for his cat - a very large, dominant, aggressive, unfriendly cat that was giving poor, pacifist Sandy hell every day. But then I remembered how Sandy was with that kitten. How much he loved her. And we decided to find him a companion.

After a kitten didn't work out for poor Sandy (too dominant for him apparently, but the shelter we adopted her from was able to find her a perfect home the day after we brought her back, thankfully), we found Oscar. Oscar is a big, beautiful cat. I thought he might be right for Sandy despite my boyfriend's objections to another male cat when I saw how he reacted to an altercation that transpired between a cat I had been considering and one of the volunteers at the shelter. This other cat freaked out! Completely. No idea why but went scooting down the row outside some of the cages hissing and carrying on. Scared poor Oscar into a cupboard to hide... until.... the other cat decided to lash out at the volunteer at which point Oscar stepped right in between the two of them. Very Sandy behavior. Oscar is one pitbull of a cat, I have to say - solid muscle like you've never seen on a cat. The little female cat made a wise decision and calmed down considerably.

So... Oscar came home with us.

He and Sandy hit it off. Snuggles together, bathing each other. There's just one problem.

We've determined based on behavior and what little of a bio the shelter had for Oscar that he was not a stray cat before they found him just 4 months ago but a feral cat. For those who don't know, the difference is that feral cats are born in the wild and grow up with very little contact with people. Oscar would randomly lash out at us. He has on two occasions now latched his paws around my son's head in attack mode with no prior signs of discontent. Recently, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, petted Oscar a bit and then stopped. Oscar turned to leave and then turned back around and wrapped his claws around my leg and bit a my knee. Random. Very random. There are other things that suggest that he was likely a feral cat or at least had very little actual positive contact with people. When he comes looking for affection, he acts in the way I've seen the small colony of feral cats that live outside our home act and not the way a stray or family cat would act. He has no idea what any human attempts to lure a cat over for more affection mean.

There are other problems. Sandy, while patient with Oscar and affectionate toward him, doesn't entirely trust him either. I have seen Sandy show more displays of aggression in the past month and a half than I have ever seen in all the years he's been with us. When Oscar gets too close for comfort from time to time, Sandy has actually lashed out at him - mostly biting at his ears.

I know this sounds dumb... but Oscar has also started to creep me out. It's not just that I worry that he's going to lash out again - we've made a big deal out of it to him and I think he got the point the last time. It's something else. He creeps me out in that way that certain places from the moment you step foot in them or people from the moment you meet them creep you out. He can be so sweet one moment - intoxicating, really - and then next alarms are going off in your head. My son seems to share in this. And since Oscar's gotten here, the house has started to creep me out at night - something I hadn't felt before - even if I know where Oscar is and that the doors are locked, blah, blah, blah.

I know there isn't really such a thing as evil but for lack of a better word to describe that perception... do you think it's possible for a cat to be "evil"? "Evil" in that aggressively haunted house sort of way?

And here's another thing I just realized tonight. My whole life I've been terrified of aliens. Just typing that scares me to death. But tonight I realized that some people believe that there were other beings at work in the construction and perfect alignment of the Egyptian pyramids to the stars. And then there's Bast - the cat goddess. And tonight I was just realizing how much little kitty faces look like the popular portrayal of ... them. [gulp] Isn't it funny how fears can make a perfectly intelligent person feel like a crazy woman?

The other thing I thought of... if Sandy were some sort of spiritual guardian... well, maybe that old saying about keeping your enemies close is at play.

Any thoughts on this - or assurances that I'm not insane - would be very much appreciated.

Again, I apologize if I've broken any guidelines in posting this here and I do so with the utmost respect. Awkward way to introduce myself, I'm sure.

Bright blessings,

Izrail

Thank you both for your responses. My apologies. The guidelines I had read but somehow I'd managed to miss the Introductions forum entirely. My apologies. I've corrected this.

As much as it pains me to do so, I've contacted the shelter we adopted Oscar from. They understand entirely and would be happy to have him back. They actually have lots of different environments for cats with different needs one of which is their "kitty barn" for feral cats and some cats that have very wild behavior. He may very well enjoy it there.

I suppose I've been hesitant because as someone who's afraid of very little, I don't like the idea that I may be casting out an innocent creature that with a little work may very well be the companion I've been searching for for Sandy simply because he's started to creep me out for reasons not quite clear. On the other... I've never been around a cat I couldn't trust before nor have I ever seen ol' Sandy act like this before and that's certainly not good.

Raevyn, thanks. I feel a little silly. Reading too much into things. I'm sure Oscar will be much happier where he can be himself. Thanks.