Hello all. I'm sortof new to this whole forum thing, but I'm in a bit of a pickle and I don't know how to handle this situation. I have been dating someone special for about a year now and he has known since the day we met that I am Wiccan. The problem is, it makes him uncomfortable. He flat out admited that this is purely an ego thing and that it is embarassing that I am a witch. He still loves me, still talks of marriage and our lives together, but it is clear that he does not want me to have anything to do with this path anymore. I really am not the best "witch" per se as I don't go to many circles, or participate in many community activities. I am comfortable with being in the broom closet, but believe that my partner should be understanding of my path. I'm not asking him to practice, and I'm not asking him to believe. He truly believes that there is not a higher power of any type, and trying to convince him otherwise is not what I want to do. I just ask that he respect my path and not chastise me for it. The books on physics with the split electron thing won't work. He's already read about it and has read counter-arguments. What should I do? I love him and I want to be with him, but I don't want to stop practicing just because it makes him uncomfortable, nor do I feel that I should. He knows this, but if anyone has been in a situation like this, your advise would be appreciated.


Blessings to all!

Hello Specvprincess,

Your dilemna is a pretty common one among witches and is among one of the reasons I stay in the broom closet. It is not such a difficult thing to deal with when people you do not know ostracize you. It is an entirely more hurtful situation when people you love an dtrust don't take you seriously.

From my point of view, if my boyfriend was obviously resentful of me and ridiculing my spiritual path, I would not remain in the relationship. The dearest part of any relationship to me is respect and trust, and if your partner is embarrased by you an actively seeking to change your attempt to understand the Divine, it is only a matter of time before such behavior manifests in other aspects of your relationship. This being said, here are your choices in a nutshell.

1) You can completely give up your path.
2) You can go further into the broom closet and hide your path from him.
3) You can leave him.
4) You can talk to him and hope his perspective of you changes.

Your spiritual path is about more than rationality and logic. It is a journey into the aspects of reality that defy human interpretation. It is a path that is said to bring one joy and contentment. I have never met an athiest that appeared to feel joy or contentment. I have never heard of a lack of faith bringing anyone happiness. To me, it seems that if exploring my spirituality provides me with any chance of understanding that which is a mystery to me in spite of my studying and provides me with a sense of righteousness for mysel fand the world, I am willing to take the risk and maintain my path.

In my opinion it is unfair of any person to expect another to give up something that is special to them because it makes them uncomfortable.

Would he give up athiesm because it makes you uncomfortable? No I seriously doubt it.

I do not see a long future, for anyone ,with someone who gives them such options and unltimatums.

Me or that, take your pick, is what it is he is saying.

so alas, you must choose.

If he truly loves you, then he will accept all of you, including how you think, feel and believe.

If I might ask, could you please drop us a line in the intros board so we miht get to know a little bit about you, then we might have more info to go on.

BTW welcome to the castle.

Perhaps it is just me but if my partner, a person that I loved and claimed to love me back, told me they were embarassed by me I would be hurt and wouldn't stick around. I don't see how a relationship can grow and be all that it is meant to be; supportive, loving, fulfilling, etc., if one of the people are embarassed by the other. No matter what the issue may be.
When you love someone, truly love the person, they can be anything and you may not agree with it, but you don't worry about saying it to others. You support them in every way possible..even if that means not being personally involved but yet standing up for the person and the situation.
Why is he embarassed to say your a witch anyway? To be embarassed to talk about someone's beliefs to me shows insecurity in ones own path and it is easier to lash out or make excuses than to say..you know your making me think of my own stance on things and that makes me uncomfortable.

I think he needs to re-evaluate his own stance on things. Learn how to argue his own beliefs in a better way. And learn how to support the person that he claims to love so much that he wants to marry you.
A marriage that starts off with embarassment and on this shakey of footage does not seem like it will be a long and happy union to me.

By the way...welcome to the group. And good luck with this situation. No one can make either one of you change, unless one of you wants to. And no one can tell you to stay or leave..that is your choice.
I think though you will hear a lot of people around here talking about respect and how your not getting any in this regard. And in my personal opinion, that has to be number one in any relationship if it is to last the test of time.

I married an athiest once (bang) ... when I was much much younger
what I learned I will never forget.
Geez I was so in lust with him he said he loved me but, if I would change this one thing it would help me feel so much better and then if I loved him like he loved me... if I did this his way!!! in the end I lost all my power, I was really afraid I would never make it back but I did
I have no man in my life right now but I Do Have my craft I walk what ever path I choose I have a home, happy kids, an ok job and best of all I have Peace of Mind... (butterfly)


have a great Sunday
Bri

Hi all!

I just wanted to clarify something because I know there is a sentance in my original post that brings cause for alarm. The Quote: "it is clear that he does not want me to have anything to do with this path anymore" is a little well, um, lets just say I didn't read my post before I posted. I wouldn't say its clear that he doesn't want me to practice, but it is clear that he is very uncomfortable with any spiritual path, even christianity. He would feel the same way if I was a christian or buddhist or whatever I chose. The frustrating thing for me is that as I previously pointed out, I do not want to give up this path for someone and I refuse to do so. I have made this clear to him, and I agree that if someone claims to truly "love" you, they should love all of you, not just the parts they like; because the parts they don't agree with are what makes you unique.

Obviously, I love him and I do want this to work, so I am wondering if anyone has had experience with this type of situation and what they did to successfully maintain their relationship. He has agreed to read and study and try to understand my faith, and I think it will help, but his problem is that he has NEVER experienced anything spiritual in his life. Trying to explain spirituality to someone who's never had a spiritual experience is like putting Chopin in front of a newborn and expecting them to play it perfectly. It just doesn't happen. I honestly think we will have to agree to disagree on the subject with the understanding that there will be no chastising and that we will have to support and respect eachother's spiritual differences. (Which of course will be easier for me than my booksmart man!)

So if any of you have anything that might work to help him (he's asked) understand spirituality and "get" it, please let me know! I'm open!

Oh, and you can call me Willow if you wish. Specvprincess is an old nickname that I used which I obtained from one of my old cars! Hehe. (blush)

Love and Light and many Bright Blessings to you all!

Willow

I don't think you can make him "get" spirituality. You can explain how you feel, and your own experiences with him. But, only he can choose to truly understand and "get" it.
If you want this relationship to work my advice is to treat it as any other relationship. Have good communication, trust, and respect for each other no matter what faith/belief system either one of you has.
You don't have to include him in everything you do or believe. You can have your own thoughts and ways of doing things without having to explain each thing every time you go to do it. Leave your books out and if he wants to learn more let him know he is free to grab a book and read. If he asks questions respectfully about what your doing, treat him with the same respect and answer to the best of your ability.

These things are just my opinions..you can do with them what you will. I have always been open about being a Pagan and a witch, so those that didn't want anything to do with that side of me pretty much went on their way before anything ever became of us. My husband and I have been together for 11 years and we still maintain the three things I mentioned above for a healthy relationship. There are times we don't "get" what the other one is feeling or believing at the moment.. But, we realize we don't have to..so long as we continue to talk to each other and respect that the other one has that feeling/experience/etc.

And my brother is athiest, so I know what your going through to an extent. But, while my brother doesn't agree with or believe a word of what I believe..he still shows me respect and has complimented me on my ability to speak about religions and beliefs without demeaning the other person or striking out.
Of course, it is easier for us because we do not live together and we can keep from discussing religion for the most part.

Good luck and maybe someone can help you better than I can, but imo, you have to have those three things from both of you..no matter what each of you may or may not believe. Don't try to force him to understand something or feel something that he doesn't.

Willow,

I can offer another perspective, as I came to this forum because of my lack of spirituality. I have never been an atheist in the sense that I condemned other religions or had a lack of respect for their beliefs. However, in my heart, I could not bring myself to rely upon faith over logic and science.

The point at which I began to question my lack of belief was within the last few years and came from two different parts of my life. The first was that I was going through terrible times and had nothing to loose by examining spirituality and everything to gain. But what really clenched my descision was my education. After studying the religions of other peoples and meeting people who appeared to feel such joy in their faith and spirituality, I realized that if I could expereince only a part of what these people were experiencing, I would consider my life well lived.

Also, I remember conversing with other grad students about religion. At one point I recognized that our academic interpretation of magic was completly unscientific and biased.

Essentially, a number of things led this cycnic to exploring spirituality and magic. There were people I tremendously respected as intellectuals who were spiritualists as well. If your boyfriend has led a fairly contnet and mundane life, I don't know that he will ever explore his own spiritual potential. But I have found that as I get older and study more, I feel there is something I am missing, and I consider this to be the ignored spiritual element in my life. I am still very much a cynic, but even my baby steps into spirituality have have provided me with some amount of contenement I did not have previously.

Other than experience, the only thing I can think that your boyfriend may read and find interesting is the book The Tao of Physics. It explores the scientific themes found in Taoism, which in turn can be found in many forms of paganism.

I hope you will be able to glean something useful off of this post. It's a difficult thing to talk about and make sense unless someone has been in a similar situation.

Hi Willow, I'm new here too. (First post ever)

I am currently married (4 years) to a die hard agnostic (Don't know what's out there/Don't care).

Spirituality is the one topic we do not discuss. When we first started dating we talked about our beliefs and came to the conculsion that this was just one thing we didn't have in common and that it was ok. He tells his friends I'm a witch...they think he's kiding.

No one should have to give up their beliefs. But it is ok to agree to disagree. With my husband and I, we each do our own thing. He even knows not to make plans on any full moon nights or important days.

I think it's just about discussing things and getting to a point both of you ar eok with the others differences even if you do not agree. It's the whole "Agree to disagree" thing.

Not sure if I was much help, but at least you know there are other couples out there in similar "mixed-faith" relationships.

Star
"AsTheCrowFlies"