I am having serious problems right now, so as of Monday I may not be on here or the net at all.
My husband lost his job and I am a stay at home mom..so we are hurting right now. I have 10 dollars to my name and that is it. I have to drive 40 miles to my brothers wedding on Saturday, so that is going towards gas for that. Once I put that in the gas tank we are officially broke. My electricity is scheduled to be turned off on Monday. I went so far as to go to the community assistance program to get help with that, just to find out that they are broke too. So, we are on a waiting list but they don't know when, or if, they will be getting more money. It is in the 90's here with heat index throwing us into the hundreds. I have no idea how I am going to keep my kids from dieing of a heat stroke.
I, thankfully have a propane stove, so until I run out of that we can at least cook. And being Pagan, I have a huge supply of candles. We will just have to live like they did way back when electricity wasn't an issue.

I have not told my family that we are this broke. I think my aunt has an idea of something being up because I have been hounding her for the money that she owes us. However, she has paid almost all of it back so the small amount she does owe now won't make much of a dent in anything. But, at least it would be some.
My family would make things worse if they knew. Especially my mother who hates my husband as it is. This would just add more stress to me with her reaction.
I am putting off driving, as I said. So I haven't been able to go out and put my plan of seeing if the local hotels need a housekeeper or front desk person into action. I'm afraid of running us completely out of gas because 10 in the tank, at the gas prices, isn't going to go far. My husband has tried to get a job and even got an interview at one place. But, that is a three step process and he never heard from them again.
I have lowered myself to asking for money from a person I know. I hate asking for money. Unfortunally, she can't lend any at this time. The earliest it looks like she will be able to is Tuesday or Wednesday.
I will have to let on some more of just how bad things are soon though. The kids will run through their supply of clothes sooner or later and I will have to go to my aunt and ask her to let me use her washer/dryer. Rather than go to the laundrymat as I usually do.
And my mother is expecting a gift on her b-day (this Friday) and will be disappointed and surprised when she does not get it.

Have you ever just felt like the entire Universe is against you? The feeling in the pit of my stomach is so strong it hurts. I want the world to stop just so I can get off. I have reached the point where struggling has just gotten too hard and redundant. Not that it would help out my husband or kids if I did get the chance to leave this world. I have done nothing in my life, other than raise my children, to make a difference. According to my SS report, I am not worth anything dead either. Talk about depressing when you open that letter. Of course I guess it could be worse, my husband's says we make more if he is dead than alive. I don't think that makes him feel very good at all. (No, I'm not contemplating killing myself. I am just to the point where I don't feel like fighting any more).

I have been told about a job in Wisconsin. However, a person is supposed to be talking to her boss about it first to see if I even stand a chance, so I don't waste time or money going up there to find out I'm shit out of luck there too. My husband is wanting to try to get on with the Madison police department. That is a long drawn out process, so that isn't something that will help right now.

So anyway, welcome to a glimsp of my life. My little boy turned 4 yesterday. And my girls are back in school and already kicking ass on tests and reading levels. My oldest is in the 5th grade and tested at a 11.2 reading level! Amazing and we are all very proud of her. Perhaps, if they continue to be so smart, later in life they will make sure not to be like their parents.
(Just posting to try to get some of this out and hopefully out of my mind for a little bit).

Sister
I am so sorry to hear about your circumstances!!!
believe it or not I have had days like that... (not the same setup of course but just as shitty !!!)
(ouch) I have had that weight right in the middle of my chest, on my back, my head and it's even pinned me to the ground a time or two!!! how I got through it well I don't really know but... my path is my strength and comfort especially in the really low times, I always keep a candle or 2 or 3 going I use alot of Pachouli and Sandlewood, it is really soothing on my aching brain, a hot bath with salts really relaxs all my screaming muscles and don't forget the music (something from the blue beat streaming , of course ) breath deep and say a chosen spell from our spellbook. relax and take a good deep breath and let the goddess soothe you. try to have a relaxing sleep and go at it again tomorrow;) (boogie)
I will light a candle for you

You have one of the most important jobs in the world in raising your kids to be Good People don't ever doubt that aa)

Tomorrow is another day (thank goddess!!!) and if it's anything like around here it will be different

there's my two cents
good luck to you and yours
Bri

Thank you Bri. I know in my heart that something will give. I just hope that it will break soon..and that the "something" isn't me.

I am losing my sense of humor which makes things even harder really because that is what I use to get through things.
I have my beliefs and stand firmly in them. And I know that Diana does not hold my attitudes against me. She lets me vent and rant and scream..then in the end is there for me when I finally stop acting like a child and calm down.
Perhaps she is just used to it from me. My life has always been a step forward and a huge step backwards it seems. Apparently I have a lot of things to learn in this life and I can't learn them without the struggle included. And apparently my children have to learn something too because they are stuck going through all this with me.

Anyway, I'm sure something will happen..hopefully something good. But, at this time I am finding it hard to look at that hope and really feel it. If that makes sense? I don't think half of what I am typing tonight makes sense..so forgive me if it doesn't.
ladyalpha

LadyAlpha,

I am terribly sorry to read about your situation. I've been a similar situation myself, but thankfully, I do not have children. I will send you much positive energy, and know that even if you are unable to make it back to our castle for awhile, our thoughts and blessings are with you.

LadyAlpha

I am truely sorry to hear what you are going through. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, I hope that something good will come from all this. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Sending you good blessings,
Riki

Ladyalpha have faith that everything will work out. Many years ago I was so broke that I had to start selling my furniture to put food on the table and keep the roof over my kids heads. Not a nice feeling, or having to explain to the kids where the couch went, where the table and chairs went. It works out.

The more thought you put into the negative sid eof it the more you will get. I realise this is easier said than done, but try to see another side of it and change what the universe is bringing you. The other thing is pride is a huge down fall , I should know I have a huge amount of it. Not that I am saying you need to tell everyone all of your circumstances, but just say to your family that you are having some financial problems and so am unable to do the present thing etc etc.


My thoughts are with you and your family. Stay strong together, and things will turn around. I am sure your children are smart, they obviously have a pair of great parents.

Kath

I have a couple of things that I can sell but not much due to all my belongings being in storage in Wisconsin.
I did put a couple of brand new shoes up for sale on my local market place website. Tags are still on a pair of them..neither ones were worn, so hopefully someone will need a pair of shoes for their kids. One pair is the popular 'Cars' and they light up so hopefully.. The other pair are Skechers.

I try not to get dogged down in the panic of the situation but that is easier said than done at times. I really worry about what could happen if the electricity gets cut off. My worst fear is that we would be deemed horrible parents and lose our children. I don't know if that is a legit fear or not. I have done what I can to try to rectify the situation and I am continuing to do so, but with the heat like it is it is dangerous. Especially in a trailor. And due to the heat, the other major fear is heat exhaustion/stroke.
My children are my main priorities in life. To keep them safe and healthy are my only concerns in life.

I know it seems like a simple swallow the pride and say, hey we are having these problems. But, it isn't that simple with my family. They wouldn't be able to help monetarially so they would cling to the situation and speak down to me and rant about my husband. Things that really would not help the situation at all. And it wouldn't be until things were taken care of..it would be years and years. They chose to omit that they ever had hard times. Especially my mother who looks for reasons to continue to dislike my husband.

Things will work out because they always do. I just have to make myself not think of all the drastic ways things can go. Easier said than done because that is usually a natural gift of mine, to see where every decision could lead. In times like this, it is more of a curse. lol

here's a (hug) for you.

Sometimes that' all we can do.

Ladyalpha

Remember to breathe, and try to have faith. Believe in yourself and in your family. Believe.

We all go thru times in our lives when it is easy to lose faith and think that everything including our lives may be in jeopardy.

These times are horrific to be sure, but do realize that the lessons now learned are necessary in some aspect for your Soul's growth.

You will survive, and so will your family. Be strong, research all your options...don't leave any stone unturned...and know that we ALL are pulling for you and sending you the enedrgy youneed to pull thru.

Blessings Bright and Dark,