First of all, Hello.  I did not introduce myself to anyone yet as I was exploring the site and the forums are a bit...overwhelming.  Not sure where to post and if this is the wrong place for this, please excuse me! ^_^  I had an experience which I would like to share, I would like to know what you make of it.

I was a young girl (I still am really but this was some time ago) and still very naive in the ways of the world.  I was sucked into some wicca hocus pocus with my step sister and her friend (I will tell you right now, they were extremely misguided...I didn't know it at the time, but looking back... *shudders* ...there don't seem to be many rules, but I think they broke most of them, and unintentionally at that) and I participated more out of boredom and lack of will to say no than anything else.  I was trying to be open minded but the things they were doing didn't seem real to me at all, it was more like a mockery and I mostly shrugged off the experiences with them...except for one.

We were sitting in my step-sister's room, on the floor, a candle between us.  My step-sister put on some music, lit the candle, then told us to focus on the flame.  We were supposed to be concentrating on something she was saying but I kind of tuned her out and just stared at the candle flame.  I found myself swaying back and forth slightly and mesmerized by the flickering of the flame...I don't know when, but at some point I closed my eyes, just visualizing the flame in my mind which I could see behind my eyelids anyways.  I had never felt so calm and at peace with the world, my whole body was relaxed and I felt a bit strange, kind of detached from the world if that makes sense.

I saw clearly in front of me a thick white pillar candle, ringed in blood red roses.  I didn't remember when it got there, in fact it felt like it had always been there and I was the one who had recently arrived.  A trail of rose petals led away from the candle.  I looked up, my gaze following the line of rose petals, and I saw before me a doorway.  It was a simple wooden doorway (no door), the frame ringed with red roses.  Within the doorway, light did not exist.  It wasn't dark; there simply was no light.  And light could not penetrate the doorway in any way.  

I was drawn to the doorway, but I felt so strongly drawn that I began to fear for what might be inside.  I looked back to the candle, and noticed there was a doorway behind, a doorway filled with light.  The doorway of light filled me with dread.  I did not want to go there; it felt...wrong.  I turned back to the doorway ahead, the doorway of dark.  I saw now within it's depths the face of a woman; the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes upon.  She had thick, luxurious black curls falling to her waist and eyes as deep as the ocean and as dark as the night.  Her arms spread wide, her hands reached for me, welcoming me.  She smiled, and it was as though all the joy of the world was shining through her to me.

At that moment, I knew that there was no other place I ever wanted to be but with her.  I surrendered to the desires of my heart and my being rushed towards her...and just as I reached the edge of the doorway, on the verge of entry, my conscience was snapped back to reality by my step-sister, who had decided that she had had enough meditating and that it was time to move on.  I felt such a profound sense of loss, I thought I would weep; the whole thing had felt so real, more so than actual reality.  In fact I can still vividly remember it today, with almost all of the details in tact.  And of course the first thing I did was tell my step-sister and her friend.  Oh how I wish I hadn't.

My step-sister and her friend immediately filled me with fear like I had never experienced before in my life.  They told me that the doorways represented "good" and "evil", and had I gone through the door that I would surely have gone mad.  They also said it was a warning that if I were to take up magic (they knew I wasn't really serious at this point) that I would inevitably be drawn to black magic and that it would lead to my downfall.

Needless to say,  I was terrified.  I swore off anything remotely wiccan, unwilling to become an evil being, which is what I was assured would happen if I touched the stuff.  And it stuck, for more than a decade it stuck.  I did not mind if others practiced wicca, but I wasn't going to have a thing to do with it.  My step-sister and her friend could not get me to participate for anything in the world; I wouldn't even be in the same room while they did it.  I refused to even meditate, for fear I would go right back to the same scenario and this time no one would be there to bring me back in time.  In fact, I was so horrified by the whole thing that I didn't share it with anyone for years, and then only my very best friend and eventually my fiance.

Well my fiance told me that he thought I should try to figure out who the woman represented to see if it was in fact a bad thing; through research my fears were eventually soothed and I came to realize that the things my step-sister and her friend were doing were not true wicca in any way (they were crafting love potions and reading passages of the bible backwards, among other things, in case you were wondering).  The more research I did about wicca, the more I realized that it had been my loss to reject it so thoroughly, as everything I have learned through research has been compatible with my thoughts and feelings.  Particularly the "harm none" bit...that assuaged any remaining fears I might have harbored.  I realized that I was a fool to listen to them and that I was an even greater fool to believe that I could be forced toward "black" magic when it is so ingrained into me not to harm anyone.

I am still learning the basics of wicca but I have found myself what appears to be a loving, kind, friendly, knowledgeable coven who believe in the "harm none" bit passionately and I am finally feeling comfortable with the whole thing.  I was lucky to join up with them as the first day I attended a meeting was also the first day of their studying a new course with a new mentor and before that they had all been solitaries.  I am excited to learn and most importantly the fear is finally gone from my heart.

What was the point of this post?  I guess it was a bit of venting.  Also I always wondered what a knowledgeable person would make of the whole thing, particularly what I experienced.  I suppose it was some sort of vision, it was rather startling and unexpected, and I still to this day wonder what it really meant.

Hello Roxy,

It sounds like you had a very powerful experience that was ruined by ignorance and immaturity in your group.  I think it's wonderful that you have gained the courage to explore the experience in a healthier environment.

Your vision appears to be a classic vision experienced in some form by many involving embracing the path.  All of the symbols in the vision are potent symbols of feminine power.  The rose is a classic symbol of the divine feminine as well a secret knowledge.  The woman, I think is self explanatory, and the dark doorway in which she was standing is also a feminine symbol.  Darkness is the feminine complement to masculinity and light.  It is the moon, the yin aspect of balance.  The dark is also associated with the inner self, secret knowledge, and the occult.  The white pillar candle is not only a common indication of divine blessing, but the symbolism of the candle falme in many paths represents inner enlightenment.  Of course, both doorways could easy be viewed as symbols of rebirth.  

Normally with visions, I would suggest that you follow your instincts.  I would not advise that you pass through the doorway for which you felt dread, but I would not immediately cast it aside as evil until you know more about it.  For some people, the truth that is laid bare to the world when illuminated by light versus the subtlty of reality shadowed by the moon is a truly terrifying thing to consider.  

I hope this provides some additional insight into your powerful experience.

Thank you for taking the time to read all of that!  I value your insight, I have my own now as well and yours does compliment it somewhat. ^_^

What a beautiful experience to have!  (I mean the vision, not what your stepsister and her friend did!)  I agree with Stacey, that in visions it is best to follow your instincts (or gut, or feelings, whatever you want to call it).  Your higher self will know, and let you know what is right and what is wrong mostly through feelings, although I have been in situations (physical, not meditative) where I have actually "heard" a voice in my head exclaiming "GET YOURSELF OUT OF HERE!".  

Also, I have found when I reach that true meditative state and experience something divine, I often feel a thrill that can be alittle scary merely because it is new, not because it is "bad'.  Example, when I meditated on the Earth element and unexpectedly came face to face with it.  Its power was indescribably awesome, it was a divine moment, and while I never had a feeling it was bad, it was exhilerating and alittle scary.

Good luck with your new coven.  It sounds like you are back on the path of exploration and adventure!  Blessed be!!

Yes, that vision has made a lasting impression on me, luckily now I am no longer terrified of it! ^_^

I actually did a little solitary ritual/meditation on my own and have come to terms concerning that vision with myself and the goddess.  It was pretty powerful in it's own right, though it was more of a comforting vision than anything else.  I felt like it was something I had to do, I couldn't ignore the urge-it was so powerful I felt like there must be something the Goddess wanted to tell me, some important knowledge I needed to have.  I was guided entirely by intuition and it was a beautiful thing.

I was walking down a flight of stairs, imagining myself going deeper and deeper into a state of relaxation, with the intention of reaching a field at the bottom of the stairs and then climbing another set of stairs to meet with the woman of the previous vision.  On a whim I had specifically called out to her my intentions to meet her within the self-induced vision (which went in no way as I had planned or imagined, let me just say).  I was immediately relaxed and felt a bit strange as when I relax my head tends to roll forward toward my chest but as I relaxed I felt my chin lifted to the sky as though by the gentle touch of a hand, and it remained this way the entire time.

I reached the bottom of the stairs and before me I saw a green field full of bright yellow and orange wildflowers and the sun shining merrily overhead, as I had imagined I would see from the beginning.  This lasted for about five seconds.  This image was pulled away from me and suddenly I was standing amidst a vast field of lavender, stretching in all directions as far as the eye could see.  The full moon shone down on a lone willow tree, it's branches swaying in a slight breeze which rippled over the lavender like waves in the ocean.  It was a powerful image which I certainly did not originate or imagine on my own!  I was suddenly naked but not ashamed or scared; in fact I found myself frolicking joyously in the lavender with wild, passionate movements and I had never felt so content.  

Almost as a gentle nudge of a reminder, a grand curved light-colored marble staircase appeared in front of me, and I stopped with a start, realizing I had forgotten what I had come for.  I began to climb eagerly up the stairs, my hand on the left rail.  It was easy at first, but around the 5th step I began to feel such a weight on me, it became difficult to muster the energy to climb.  I called out spiritually for assistance, and I was surrounded suddenly by several animals.  Something perched on my shoulder (maybe a rat or a bird, not sure), something large walking at my righthand side which I could not decide if it was a small bear or a large wolf (I think it was changing back and forth, maybe unsure itself), and a little creature scurrying back and forth from my feet to the stairs above, as though showing me where to go and waiting impatiently for me to follow.  They renewed my energy and resolve, and I continued to climb.  At the 18th stair (there were 20 total) I tried to glance over the top of the stairs to see what awaited me, but I could not.  My gaze was glued to the stair below my feet.  Finally I reached the top.

I saw before me a stunningly beautiful woman, everything I had remembered from the previous vision but so much....more.  She was dressed in a dark flowing gown and seated on a large throne in the middle of a marble platform.  Power emanated from her, but I did not feel threatened.  She grinned at me and held out her arms, her sleeves flowing to the ground, beckoning for me to come to her.  Her gaze said that she had been waiting patiently for me and could not be more pleased to see me.  (Now I would like to note here that I had every intention of walking calmly over to her and greeting her warmly, then having an intelligent discussion with her...ha!)  Before I could think I had run into her arms like a little child, my arms around her waist and my head in her lap, weeping uncontrollably.  She laughed softly and stroked my hair, comforting me.  I kept saying I was so sorry, sorry for how stupid I had been, sorry I had cut her out of my life so completely and for what, for what, I had missed so much, I had been so stupid, I was so very very sorry. (None of this had been pre-meditated...it just gushed out of me instinctually and uncontrollably)  She pet my head and told me it was okay, she had waited for me and I was here now and she was here now, and the past was not important anymore.  I was comforted and I stopped weeping, I just enjoyed the feeling of being in her embrace.  

I felt myself begin to get heavy again, and I realized I was slowly sinking through the floor; I could still feel her embrace but I was no longer next to her and I panicked a little bit.  I called out to her, begging her not to go yet, that I had something important to ask her or she had something important to tell me, I was sure of it.  She looked slightly bewildered and slightly amused, and told me there was something a little unpleasant coming up soon that I should try to avoid, but nothing serious.  I felt myself getting even heavier and no amount of willpower on my part was going to be enough to keep me by her side this time.  I held out my hands to her, urging every part of my being to stay there, but I was being pulled down the stairs away from her.  I called out, begging her again not to go yet, that I still wanted to ask her what my name was, the name she called me by, my true name. (This is something I had been researching about a little over the last couple of weeks and was impatiently curious about, though I had no intention of actually asking her at this time)  She laughed and was silent, but the music I had put on at the beginning became clear and audible (it had not been for some time) and I heard a woman's voice singing softly with a hauntingly beautiful melody "....look within your heart and you will find it...." Her grin said that she had lined this up on purpose, and there was no mistaking that I had been meant to ask that question at that moment.  She whispered that she is with me always, and with that I was able to release my anxiety and relax, which actually dropped me suddenly and unceremoniously back into reality.  

I opened my eyes, knowing that I was finished for the night.  (I did finish the ritual)  Nothing had gone according to plan, and I felt a bit out of sorts but entirely satisfied and very pleased with the success of the whole thing.  This was my first real ritual which involved a circle and calling the quarters and all of that (which I must say was an interesting experience, I did not expect the elements to have so much...personality!  I won't go into it now, the length of this is getting a little out of hand) and I had been putting it off for fear of failure.  (I tried to bring back the old vision a few months ago with utter disappointing failure but we won't go into that, I know now exactly why it failed)  It was so beautiful to just let go of my doubts and worries and just surrender to the moment, following my heart and my intuition!

I would like to mention also that song I "heard"...I didn't remember those lyrics being in it, so after the ritual was over and cleaned up after I put the CD on again and listened to that song...and they weren't.  I had so clearly heard her sing "....look within your heart and you will find it...." and I had no doubts at the time that those were in fact the lyrics!  The song was Dreamcatcher by Secret Garden if you care to listen, the whole Dreamcatcher CD is absolutely gorgeous in fact, I cannot recommend it highly enough!  I listen to it all the time.  The actual lyrics to the song are as follows:

Hear my silent prayer, heed my quiet call
When the dark and blue surround you
Step into my sigh, look inside the light
You will know that I have found you

Not really too close to what I heard, and I actually had to turn it up quite a bit from the volume I had it at in order to make out the actual lyrics anyway.  That was quite a surprise for me! ^_^

I absolutely love those times when in meditation, Goddess calls me to her for whatever reason.  Usually there is some sort of message, mission or advancement involved, but sometimes she simply wants to comfort me through a rough period.  It has taken me such a long time to come to terms with "a goddess", but when I finally gave in and allowed her to "be" in me, so many good things are happening now.  And when she communicates back with me, I feel so free and happy...and guided.  So much more so than when I only believed in G-O-D.  There is so much more to Spirit than what we can imagine in our puny, human minds.