Hey, I've been researching and learning Paganism for approximately five years now, and just about to actually practice the craft. However, I'm baffled on what I truly believe in.
Do I believe in the Goddess and God? Do I believe in just a spiritual energy that surrounds us? Or do I believe just believe in Spirit? I'm lost in what to believe, no matter how many hours I spend trying what feels comfortable to me.
So, I ask what deity or deities do you believe in and, if there is a reason, why? This way, I can get a better understanding and hopefully get a new viewpoint or path on which I can go about this. Also, if you remember how you found which deity or deities best suit you or how you found the ones you worship, how did you go about doing so? Thanks!!

I believe in a spiritual energy that flows through all things, ourselves included.  I believe that all things are sacred and all people are as well, connected by this energy.  I believe there maybe a consciousness to this energy but that it also responds to our will and can be used by us either consciously in prayer and spells or unconsciously as thoughts and fears.

When I choose to acknowledge an external personification of this energy I usually acknowledge Gaea and Luna, Spirit of the Earth and the Goddess of the moon.  My reasons for this are many, first is a strong sense of connection to the Earth and Moon.  My father was a marine so we moved every few years. I was uprooted every time I started to feel at home and placed in a new environment with a different climate, new flora, and new cultures.  The Earth and moon were always two constants in my life,  the two things that remained the same.

One of my earliest memories is of watching the moon out the car window late one night.  The trees and houses all flew by and shrank into the distance while the moon alway seemed bright and close.  I remember feeling as  though the moon was following us.  Always keeping the same distance, not intruding on our space but alway with in sight.  Always watching over us.

And my mom was an avid gardener where ever we lived.  She grew both flowers and vegetables.  Hawaii, California, Virginia, didn't matter where we lived she could coax things to grow.  And we always had pets so I learned early that the plants  that form the base of the food pyramid came from the Earth and at the end of our lives we return to it.

So all my life I have been extremely comfortable with the moon and Earth even before I realized there were gods and goddesses beyond my father's patriarchal god.

My first introduction to religion beyond southern baptists happened quite by accident.  I found a book on Greek  mythology in my school library.  At the time I was still a Christian but I found the stories entertaining.  Before long I was hunting down other books about mythology.  Most were Greek and Roman mythology but occasionally I would stumble across Native American and Egyptian.  So that was when I first learned that others worshiped two things with which I was already so comfortable and familiar.

And of course the fact that Gaea and Luna are both goddesses and not gods does play a role.  My father was a very cruel man.  He cheated on his wife, beat his children (until I was old enough to threaten to call the police) and was cruel to our pets.  For all his "Jesus loves you"  and "God is good."  he was a complete and utter  *&^% head.  And taught me it's not who you worship that makes you good or bad but who YOU are.

My early experience growing up under my fathers iron fist along with the tormenting of school bullies left me deeply bitter against men.  So of course goddesses were more comforting than the idea of male deities.  So when I choose to acknowledge external expression of divine nature I feel most comfortable turning to Gaea and Luna first.  And of course those are just the reasons I understand enough to put into words.

When it comes to decided whether or not you believe in god and goddesses there is no one answer.  It is a very deep and personal decision.

Oh and I have moved past my sexism for the most part.  now when I make sexiest statements in is usually in the context of joking.  Often with Tyrone's finest when they come hang out in the store.  I give those boys hell and they love it.  Though I still get nervous about men I don't know.  Particularly older men who are very vocal about their Christian faith.  I have nothing against the Christian faith but vocal fundamentalists remind me far to strongly of my father and send me running in the other direction.

That's a good question (one I think I have actually asked on the board myself).  I do practice magic, but I am not Wiccan.  From what I have learned of most Wiccans and witches, they seem to adhere to a sort of polytheism, with a concentration on the feminie gods.  Given that many of the forms of witchcraft you see are nature-based, this is not surprising.  The earth is viewed as symbolically female in Western culture, and the modern pagan movement has strong ties to women's rights, as it presented an alternative belief system to the major world religions, all of which are patriarchal in practice.

Defining the metaphysics of the Divine is not really possible with ecclectic practitioners, as the entire point of the system is to choose from a vareity of sources and concepts what seems right to you.  Usually one's chosen path will depend on their on religious and education background.  If you were brought up in a religion that believes in a personified deity, polytheism or a focus on a god or goddess from a foreign panthion is common.  Many people who are better versed in Eastern philosophy are more focused on Divine Energies.  For many people, nature is itself a Divine entity to be worshipped.  For magic practitioners of the many occult and hermetic orders, well that can get complicated.

As you asked our personal perspective, I'll through in my two cents worth.  I am Jewish, and the personification of the Divine is the second worse thing one can do other than worshipping another deity.  It was actually a pretty scary thing for me to start ot practice magic and adapt my beliefs.  The Old Testament God is not the forgiving, loving paternal God of the New Testament  -- bad things happen to unrightious people in the Old Testament.  Like many women, I found the major religions to be way too restricting, and I wanted a beleif system in which I was entitled to power.  I have a strong background in Far Eastern religion, so I kind of have a Near Eastern/Far Eastern spiritual hybrid worked out.  I prefer the concept of teh Divine in Buddhism, where we are all one single DIvine entity with the concept of separate things being an illusion.  I also find the pantheism of Daoism appealing.  I do not view the DIvine as a person or even as sentiant in anyway I can understand, but I think it can manifest for our understanding in infinite forms.

Thank both of you for answering. Indigo_faerie, I'm sorry for the torments you had to endure during your childhood years as, in my opinion, those years are the most sacred. But I see how you worship the earth and moon and the reasoning behind it is strong.
Stacey, I'm impressed. I now a few Jewish people and I love them to death as they are all optimistic and have a wonderful outlook on the world, better than mine at least, but I do believe you are the first I've every encountered who also practices magick while believing in the Jewish or Christian faith. That is impressive!
I see how many people in America, which is where i currently reside, worship feminine energy, but, if I'm correct, many practicioners are female. With me being male, I see a lot of topics on the Goddess and many books about her but I see few on the God. I would most definately worship the God and Goddess, but I feel the Goddess is too powerful and that both of their energies should equal each other. Isn't that also a part of Paganism, dualty? If I'm wrong, please correct me as I may have read incorrect information. I'm just lost as to how people worship other Gods and Goddesses and with each person worshipping them and other deities in different ways, I guess it's just confusing me.

I understand your comments on balance and duality, Lunos.  I do not view the Divine as being gendered.  

The theorist who really emphasized the dominance of duality in human thought is Claude Levi-Strauss.  The theory of  binary opposition suggests that human mental categorization is a construct of duality -- we see things as opposing pairs. I agree that there is a certain predisposition for humans to view reality as structured by pairs of opposities, but this is only a model of thinking.  Duality is a human construct used to understand exisitence around us.  It is not neccessarily how reality is actually organized.    

In my perception of the Divine, the personification or mundane manifestation of the sacred into the shape of the profane is the manner in which my human brain, in its limited capacity, can attempt to understand the Divine.  In my belief, envisioning a god or goddess is only a tool to help me relate and understand the Unknowable Truth.  I think true to my Jewish cultural background, I tend to interpret the Divine as in more characterisitcs I am cultural bound to call masculine, but I know that the Divine is in no way bound by the limited adjectives of mortals.

So, in other words Lunos, use what ever tools and mental constructs you require to have a relationship with the Divine, just remember that the Divine is not limited to it.

There are a lot more books being published on men in witchcraft, and there are a couple of groups around the country for pagan men.  Feel free to ask us anything we can do to help you on your Path.  We have a number of men on the board, so you're not alone .