Hi, All!  I'm new here.  I basically followed Lady Elaine here from the News Star forum in hopes of seeking out her advice and counsel with regard to spiritual issues.  Having looked around here, I'm hoping there will be others who will be willing to mentor me, as well.  Please excuse the length of this introduction.  I will make it as concise as possible, but it will still be long.

In the past couple of years, I've had a major change in my spiritual beliefs.  At this point, I don't know where to look further for answers.  Which is why I'm here.

I'm 52 years old.  I was raised a Southern Baptist, in church whenever the doors opened.  I considered myself "born again."  In college, my family suffered a significant tragedy, and I lost my faith.  I felt that God had let me down, by not answering my daily prayers to protect my family.  I became agnostic.  I remained so for several years, a very lonely period in my life.  After a few years, I gradually returned to the belief that there definitely is a God, although I had significant problems with many of the traditional Christian concepts, especially as they relate to damnation and universal guilt just for being alive.  In my mid 20's, I found the Unity system.  It changed the way I prayed and how I looked at God, giving me a much more positive approach.  There was no Unity group here that I could find, however.  I tried attending local churches, but always came away feeling much worse than when I went in.  For most of adult life, I've struggled with what felt right to me versus what I had been taught growing up.

A couple of years ago, I decided it was time to get serious about looking for answers. I undertook an indepth study of Christianity, both formal and much on my own.  Among those I looked to for answers were New Testament historians Ehrman, Borg, Crossan, and Fredriksen.  The end result, after much reading, studying and praying, is that I am no longer a Christian in the traditional sense.  I believe that Jesus lived, that his message was one of passive resistence intended for Jews to help them fight the Roman Empire and what was happening to Judaism in that day.  He was probably crucified, but I do not believe he died on the cross;  he simply wasn't up there long enough.  I do not believe he was born of a virgin, that he died for our sins, or that he was resurrected.  Very little of his original message is understood by today's version of the religion(s) that were created around him by Paul, John, Peter and others.   And since reaching this conclusion, I believe I have become much more at peace with myself.  I no longer feel the horrible guilt that haunted me for years, just for being alive, a feeling that I could never be good enough or make up for the fact that God had to execute his own son for me.

Part of what leads me to believe as I do now is something that never seemed quite right to me.  It never made any sense to me logically.  I'm God, I create a planet and put people on it, but I make them so profoundly evil and full of "sin" that I finally have to send my own son, and have him die a horrible death, to save these other creations of mine from eternal damnation.  WTF????  What kind of system is that for a supreme being to use??  That's the best the Almighty can do??

So, what do I know I believe now?  I do believe in a Divine Power, and this is where I need some guidance.  I am trying to learn to define my beliefs, and find greater clarity in my belief system.  I believe that this Power is in all and around all, and accessible to us all.  This power is not the old man in the sky, picking and choosing what prayers to grant.  I have had to completely adjust the way I think of God in this respect, realizing that the Divine is within and without, and here for me if I accept it.  I prayer daily, and my prayers are much more satisfying to me since I no longer feel the need to constantly acknowledge my "sinfulness" and thank God for sacrificing his own son for me.  I feel more at peace with the universe and myself.  I also meditate daily, and the last year or so have noticed that during meditation, I seem to feel much closer to the Divine.  I have had numerous ideas and answers and inspiration come to me during meditation, and I think it really started as I got closer to rejecting the Christian model.

During my years studying Unity I reached the conclusion that there is no devil (and no hell). I believe that evil is simply the absense of good, much like darkness is merely the absence of light.

I also believe in reincarnation.  I also reached that conclusion while studying Unity materials.  It never made any sense to me that a god who is all powerful, who has all of eternity, would give us one mere lifetime to learn all there is to learn and experience all there is to experience.  And if you don't get it right this one chance, bam, off to hell you go!

Well, I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now.  I greatly appreciate any input from anyone, any advice you can give me, any questions you might have.  This is an ongoing quest for me.  I believe I was led to the NS forum to find Lady Elaine and be led here, so there is no doubt that I am on this forum now because there are answers here for me.  Thanks to all!!!

Your story sounds so familiar, and brings back memories to me. So familiar. Yet now you are searching for your path. You have already made the first big step. Trust yourself, trust your heart. Here you will find much information, and so many with so much knowledge and experience. Best wishes on your journey.

Sundown

Thank you so very much, Sundown!  I'm still kind of paranoid about this, waiting for some hard core right wing Christian to pounce on me and tell me I'm going straight to hell!  I appreciate your kind words and support!!!

Just remember that the whole concept of "hell" where people burn to death forever is a Christian ideal and one which was formulated to keep people on the "right track".  I was told for years the same thing as was my father (who believes in absolutely nothing deific whatsoever).  He is a generous, good and loving man who has no malice in him whatsoever.  I find it difficult to believe that he will be going to a place of punishment after death for his life of goodness.  
Anyhow, welcome to a cool forum and a wonderful place to learn.

Welcome Girlfriend,

First off, I would like to tell you how much I admire your determination and the beauty in which you present yourself. You have a loving presence and I know you will find out group here enlightening and uplifting in many, many ways. I also admire the fact that you have studied many facets of spirituality....it seems we never quit learning. I believe that is what we are here to do...to learn about mortality and the wonderful gifts that await us in this lifetime.

I think that most of us here (myself included) are always looking for that feeling of "belonging" and believing in something that makes our heart and soul sing. I personally have studied various spiritualities, and after delving into Eastern and Western philosophies, I have a Hodge-podge of ideals that helps me from day to day. I think we all have the inherent right to choose what is right for us this lifetime Reincarnation is something I believe in too, and I also feel that we learn certain "Soul" lessons each time we return. If we do not "get it" we receive a harder lesson along the same lines....

I think Jesus was a magnificent person, and had many wonderful things to teach us, but as with all religious mythos, it has been twisted and perverted to suit the nature of the time it was conceived. Hence, we have many Spiritualities which in my opinion, are truly outdated in some of their ways of thinking. This is a natural thing, and one that will continue...it is up to us, the people who wish to "break the bond" as Jesus did and many others before him, to bring a new Spirituality to this planet and its peoples.... one that resonates within each one of us....and know this...I feel it will be different in a myriad of ways for each one of us as well. And we can come together and accept our differences, we too, can live "heaven" on Earth. No, I do not think it will happen in our lifetime, but we have a chance to start the process....and as the World changes and become smaller, and the religious wars fume and boil around us, we can see that the ground has been broken. It is only time.....and patience...and most of all a understanding that each one of can make a difference. Even if it is just within ourselves....

Hope I made some sense, I am rather tired at the moment and I tend to ramble....forgive me

Again, welcome Girlfriend, it is a pleasure to have you among us...and know that you need not fear here....it is a glorious castle..and its walls are strong...and its people...well, I am sure you can feel it too...

Blessings Bright and Dark,

Lady E, I think one of the saddest epiphanies of my study of Christianity was the realization that modern Christianity, for the most part, has completely missed Jesus' message.  He was indeed a great man, one of many that I believe have been sent here to teach us great lessons.  His compassion, his hunger to see justice, his belief that heaven is at hand, right here on earth, were and are wonderful concepts.  Unfortunately, somehow (and I'll admit, I blame Paul and John for most of this) his message became so convoluted that it has been lost for the most part.  Christians are so focused on his death and "resurrection, to save us from our sins," that they completely miss the message of his life.  I often wonder if he would not cringe to hear how some invoke his name and truly believe that they are following his way.  But that said, it does not keep me from appreciating him for the great teacher that he was!  And in some ways, I follow his teachings much closer now that I no longer view him as a god.

Several years ago I began reading Tony Hillerman's fictional books set among the Navajo, and it prompted me to learn more about their belief system.  Their connection with nature and view of the oneness of all really hit a note with me.   I believe that as a society today, for all our technological advances, we have lost a spiritual connection that most native American tribes had and many still have.  That connection to life, to the universe, to all around, is something I would very much like to hone.

Thank you for being with me on this part of my journey!  Have a pleasant evening!

The death message of any wise soul should never be the focus, but instead it should be their life one instead.

I typed this rather nice posting last night only to have somenone decide I need not have posted it as it went poof into the ethers. which alwyas leads me to believe there was a reason to not have that particular post post.

so basically here goes, again, lol.

Welcome to the castle Girlfriend.

We all have walked paths that were not our chosen paths, but rather one's that are chosen for us by those who think they know best for us. Often we continue to walk these paths because there are truths that lie on them, but are not 'just the right fit for us'. Eventually we move off that path for one reasonor another, seeking that perfect solution. Alas I don't think there is one perfect way, but rather a plethera of this' and thats' taken from all sorts of paths, like taking pebbles from each path and in the end lying them to make our own. (confused yet, lol, I am.)

Some of us just get off the paths and wander aimlessly thru the fields. Creating our own by constant wanderings.

Each one of us has ended up where we are for one reason, to learn something. We learn, we move on, we learn more.

So on you current sto in you lifelong learning, welcome. I'm sure we will all have lots to learn from you as well.

Thank you for those kind words, Novia!   One of my reasons for being here is that thus far, I have not been around many who could show me the many paths that exist, and the pebbles that are available to choose from to make my own path.  SO I greatly appreciate any and all input!!