Hello All,

I'm not sure if this is the place for this post, but I need some advice.  I've been with the same person for about 3.5 years through varying levels of intimacy.  Right now we seem to be stuck in the "officially not together" phase, altho we still talk to each other every day and do everything we did as an "official" couple.  The reason for our "officially not together" status is almost entirely my fault.  I accept the consequences.

Recently, an ex showed back up in my life.  We dated ten years ago, and since then have kept in contact (but haven't been steady friends).  He's going through a divorce right now and I've been trying to be supportive and re-establish a more stable friendship.  This development, however, does not seem to be going over very well with my unofficial bf.

My unofficial bf is extremely closed off and almost never shows negative emotion about anything.  This is probably why I am so shocked that he has been showing snappy, offish, and jealous behavior every time I mention my ex.  Moreover, he doesn't seem to want to spend any time with me now that my ex is around.  I almost feel as if he is waiting to see if I will leave him in favor of my ex, but that he is angry about the possibility of this at the same time.  He denies all of this, of course.  He in fact denies having any kind of emotional reaction to the situation at all.  This is all very strange from him, because (as a closed off person) he is generally very placid on the surface and I almost never have to worry about him taking his emotions out on me.

Simultaneously, he has been acting very affectionate toward me (when he's not acting offish and jealous).  He came over yesterday and literally took a nap on me while me and my brother were playing Final Fantasy 12.  He has never done anything like this, even when we were together-together.  He is very anti public-display-of-affection, but lately he's been touching my hair and giving me lots of hugs in front of everyone.

For the record, I am not interested in hooking up with my ex.  Not only are we at very different points in our lives, but I feel that no matter how much I felt for him before, too much has happened and too much negativity has taken place between us.  I think I would like to be friends, but nothing more.  He, on the other hand, does seem to want us to get back together once his divorce is final and his life sorts out a bit.  I genuinely feel like alot of that is just divorce-jitters.  He's lonely now that he's by himself, and needs support and affection.  I just can't give it to him.

So, advice would be great.  Advice of any kind, actually.  Spells for the situation.  Stones for the situation.  A different perspective from an outsider.  Anything, actually, would be very much appreciated.

Raith

Sounds like good ol' green eyed jealousy monster to me, my partner and I are definately not togther although for ten yrs we still live together, call each other hon and babe but have different rooms, but last week her ex- (that she left me for two yrs ago) called and i felt this nauseating feeling come over me, then I noticed that i was flirting with her, I put the brakes on quick b/c of my general situation, but sounds familiar.....
Just a thought, Lav

I think communication is order. It is natural for a guy to be jealous of your past but through communication and understanding it can be worked through. I know speaking as a guy we need re-ensuring. We in general are insecure creatures. Just tell him that he is the one that you want to be with and not to be with your ex. I have found that if I am out of balance I have unrational thoughts and moodiness. Give him some hemotite to help him ground and be more balanced. At least it works for me.