Here is a hilarious article from www.landoverbaptist.org  For those of you unfamiliar with this site, none of their articles are real, this is a parody site poking fun at the closed mindedness we find in many religions.




TAMPONS:
"Satan's Little Cotton Fingers!"


Landover Ladies Vow to "Stop Satan From Pulling The Strings!"

Ladies of Landover member Mrs. Taffy Davenport-Gaines Crockett, visiting the Landover Christian Pharmacy recently to refill the church tract display, happened upon a shocking sight. A young woman was visibly upset and arguing loudly with pharmacist Emma Mae Martin. What Mrs. Crockett discovered next sickened her unto the point of nausea.

"The young woman was trying to buy tampons," Mrs. Crockett said, barely able to hold back tears. "I snatched that girl by the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can you imagine how they'd be damaged by hearing such evil ideas?"

�I explained to this young lady that we do not carry such phallic devices as tampons and when attending to her monthly curse," Mrs. Martin said, adding that "Satan himself controls the manufacturing of those things." The young woman then began to verbally abuse her, she said.

"A Godly woman is only to use a Maxi-Pad," Mrs. Crockett stated. "Why, they even have them with little angel wings now! I handed her a box and told her unless she wanted my handprint across her face she was never to utter that evil  T word again!� The as yet unidentified woman then fled the store in humiliation. Landover Security sketch artists are preparing a likeness to aid in identifying the young woman. Her salvation status is unknown, but based on this event, it is likely she is Hellbound.

"Toxic Shock Syndrome is God's way of punishing unsaved harlots who choose Satan�s cotton fingers over a Godly pad," Pastor Deacon Fred stated upon hearing of the event. "These playthings of Satan are created under the guise of a ladies hygiene product to bring unsuspecting women and young girls to the fold of the Devil."

Church members are commanded to talk to your teen-age daughters, and search their rooms if you have to. "Souls are at stake and God is taking names," added Pastor Wiley.

Mrs. Crockett has organized the Ladies of Landover Phone Bank to spread the word, and has called for both a letter writing protest campaign and a boycott on all stores who are found to carry these satanic sexual devices. Manufacturers who create such vile products will also be targeted for salvation, or, failing that, closure.

Mrs. Crockett has secured six 24-foot trucks for use in her new ministry, "Stop Satan From Pulling The Strings." She and the other Ladies of Landover plan a nationwide tour, going city to city, pulling what she calls "The Devil's delight" from store shelves once clerks are distracted. Upon the ladies' return, Mrs. Crockett plans a large bonfire.

�We shall pray over the flames as we watch these evil devices go back to the fiery pits of hell from whence they came,� Mrs. Crockett said during her church news conference, adding, "these things are created by Satan for pleasure, and young women are succumbing to the Devil without even realizing it. This is one battle Satan will NOT win!" Her statements drew a standing ovation from the congregation.

All church members are encouraged to join in the BBQ and bring a covered dish as we celebrate yet another Victory over Satan. Marshmallows for roasting over the bonfire will be provided by The Ladies of Landover. Due to the nature of this event, the roasting of hot dogs will be prohibited for  obvious reasons.

to be a parady it's very  true ... been talking to some of my family of the pentacost persuasion  

bri

Satan's cotton fingers!  I love it!  

That was funny.    

Funny--on a real note, this reminds me of a real life funny thing that happen to me.

I work in libraries.  Most people who work in libraries are women.  Most libraries, however, have a male library director.  

At a public library I worked at for a while, the director sent out a memo informing us that tampons were not designed to be flushed down the toilet, thus to avoid backing up the plumbing we should take "proper actions."  

Our library was an old building that did not have the little sanitation trash cans within the stalls.

You can imagine the talk that went on that day:

"So, what are you going to do with your tampons now that we can't flush them?"

"Gee, I think I'm going to make mine into a key chain!"

"I think mine will look great hanging from the rearview mirror of my car."

"I think I'll see if I can make a 3-pointer from the bathroom stall over the divider wall to the bathroom trashcan by the sink."

As you may imagine, the memo provided a day of entertainment and was ignored aside from the humor factor.