Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Casserole
From: http://www.care2.com/c2c/groups/disc.html?gpp=4282&pst=88095

Many people are aware of the "kitchen witch", but fewer people are aware of the "kitchen ceremonial magician." This is due to the fact that kitchen ceremonial magic had been a secret tradition for decades.

But the time for such secrecy is past, since kitchen ceremonial magic can play an important role in confronting everyday domestic problems. For example, suppose you are unexpectedly called upon to prepare a meal for others, but are unsure of your ability to cook.

You will find it prudent to practice the time-honored ritual of kitchen ceremonial magic:

To prepare for this ritual, clear a space for the circle in the center of the kitchen. Then don your ceremonial apron and hold your ceremonial spatula in your right hand. Stand in the center of the circle and face East.

You are ready to begin:With your spatula, draw a banishing pentagram to the East. Then, thrust your spatula through the pentagram and say,

"Microwave dinners, be gone!"

Move to the South. Again, draw a banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it.

"TV dinners, be gone!"

Move to the West. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it.

"Ramen instant noodles, be gone!"

Move to the North. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust your spatula through it,

"Mystery meat in a can, be gone!"

Move to the center of the circle and stand still. Chant the following:

"Before me, Martha Stewart.
Behind me, Betty Crocker.
To my right side, Julia Child.
To my left side, Martha Stewart, AGAIN!"

Visualize yourself standing in a giant casserole and proclaim,

"For about me bakes the casserole, and around me shines the 6-course meal." Clap your hands three times and say, "Its a good thing."

The rite is over.

If the ritual is not effective, please order take-out ASAP!

Lmao! I wish this would work. I'm such a bad cook, that my nephew's and niece won't even eat my eggs and sausage in the morning.   Thanks for sharing!

mara

 I wonder if I can adjust this ritual to help me ENJOY cooking.  (I hate the kitchen).

I am not the best cook either. �One of the few things I learned to cook as a kid is eggs, and Ben can't eat eggs. :roll: � I am getting a bit better at cooking though. �There are a couple of things I can whip up but not many. �Ben say's my tuna fish salad is the best he's ever tasted though.

My recipe for that is pretty basic. �2 cans of tuna fish, about 1/2 a cup freshly diced onion (Never use dried or frozen, it must be fresh), about 1/2 to a cup mayo depending on taste, a heaping teaspoon of sweet pickle relish, and a couple squirts of mustard and blend well.

Ancient Chinese secret? let it sit in the fridge for a few hours or better yet over night. �It allows the flavors time to blend and mellow.

  Thanks, needed a good laugh...may be an old post, but it keeps giving

Yes it does but I'd have to change my "rite" for the left to Alton Brown and I'd have to figure out someone to replace Martha with since I don't use or watch her much....but that's beside the point.