As some of you know my job stopped giving me any hours about three weeks ago.  Basically they fired me with out actually saying they fired me.  Both Subway and Wendy's said they'd hire me but I keep getting yanked around.  Wendy's 'hired' me about three weeks ago now and still haven't put me on the schedule yet.  I have tried to explain that I need to be working NOW.  I was told to come in today at 11 but she had to many people and to go home.  Just now I called to find out when I am on the schedule next and she doesn't have me scheduled until next Saturday and Sunday.

I am out of money.  I have less than $20 in the bank my phone runs out tomorrow so I can  no longer job hunt because no one can reach me, I have less than a quarter tank of gas in my car, and am 3 weeks behind on my car note.  Ben had to pay all the bills by himself this month but his work is slowing down and he isn't going to make enough to keep us afloat on his own, much less pay for my car, insurance, and phone.  He is going to have to dip into the money we saved to try and buy a house.

And the ceiling is sagging in the living room here.  Ben is worried that it'll cave in this winter.  And even if it doesn't we can't afford to heat it with all the holes in the floor and gaps around the doors.  If I don't find some source of income soon we may be homeless this winter.  He is talking about we might have to split up and live with our parents this winter so he can save up enough for a down payment.

I don't know what to do.  My mother gave me her engagement rings when she divorced her first two husbands and I think I am going to ask her if I can sell them.  I really don't want to but I may have no choice.  I am desperate at this point.  But even if I do that's just a drop in a bucket.  Mom's exs were both poor so those rings don't have huge stones on them, just chips. I don't know what I could get on eBay but I doubt it'll be enough to catch up my payments, much less allow us to move.

I just don't know what to do at this point.  I don't want to move back in with my mother and her 500 animals and over bearing know-it-all husband.  And I can't bear the thought of being away from Ben.  I need a miracle.  I just don't know what to do.

I scared poor Ben half to death the other day.  I try to be laid back and not worry so he has never seen my have a panic attack before.  I started to get the chest pains while we were showering then I got short of breath.  I was so bad I had to get out of the shower and lay down.  I really though I was about to pass out.  Then I realized I was shaking.   I haven't had such a bad panic attack since the deepest darkest days of my depression.  I had another one last night but I could breath well enough to hide the pain I was in.

I can't turn to my mom for any support right now because I don't want to bother her while my Paw paw is sick.  He had to go back in the hospital for is heart again.  I think they had to give him a pacemaker.  He is back home now but I think she is still up there in Virginia with him.

I just feel like my whole world is falling apart.  I am not sure how much more I can stand.  (I have been having panic attack left, right, and center. (though I hide this from Ben)  I have been having nightmares.  That's when I can sleep.  I'm just at the end of my rope and slipping.

Hi Indigo,

Breathe....breathe...and relax.

You are anticipating the worst....stop it. By thinking and beleiveing you are going to have all the bad things happen to you, you manfiest them. Begin to try and dwell on what you do have....and how you canmake it better.

Have you ever waited tables? It is a good job, great hours and you usually eat very cheaply if not free. People will always go out to eat and drink regardless of the economy.

Think outside the box....and if things get really bad, moving in with your Moms not something you should shrug off. She is your Mom, she loves you. And I am sure she would let you move back in rather than be homeless.

Sometimes we have to make decisions in our life we do not like, but in the end they make us a much stronger person. You are an adult, and if you are working you won't be home that much with your Mom and Step-Dad.

You can do this and get through these trying times...you have done it before. You will do it again. It is the process of life. I have faith in you to be strong and do what you and Ben need to do that is best for each of you.

Big hugs indigo....

These times do have alot of people at the end of their tethers....it is a crazy world out there right now!!

I agree with LE....waiting tables can be an awesome job.  I have used that source of income in between my real job for years.   Not only do you get a paycheck...which usually isn't that great because of the wage....but you have money in your pocket every day.  If you put out lots of resumes' at restarants, you are sure to get a job, then you can look for a job you really want.  If you enjoy waitressing, if you can get into a fancy restarant...the tips can be as much as $200 a shift.  So if you have 4 of those a week, that's $800 in tips!  Not bad.   Subway and Wendy's....you can do better than that girl!

Much love Indigo....I will light a candle for you to aquire work asap....
Freedom

Thanks every one.  I try not to dwell on the bad in my life but some times these situation just can not be ignored and when I found out Wendy's was not going to put me on the schedule for yet another week it was, of course, a moment of absolute panic.  Being 3 weeks late on your car payments can do that.  And man am I starting to hate that car.  My $450 wonder car was much better.  And payed off.  But after the wreck there was no way the fix it.  I did at least manage to pay off my insurance before I went broke so at least I don't have to worry about the insurance lapsing for a while.

I decided to bite the bullet and buy the smallest phone card I can find.  Do they make Net 10 cards for $5?  If not I'll have to go with a $10 dollar one.  that would leave me 9 dollars to put gas in the tank.  Enough to go to a couple of interviews if some one calls me back.  And I put in an application to petco.  The girl working there said she had been hired and put on the schedule within 3 or 4 days of putting in her application.  I think I'll apply for other positions with them.  Those stupid on-line applications only let you apply for one job at a time.

That would be a fun job if I could get it.  I love animals.  I grew up on my mom's farms after all.  Even when we were living in on base housing we had about a half dozen bunnies, a few kitties, birds, turtles, fish, and a dog so I like to think I am pretty good with animals.

Thanks for the candles and good thoughts.  They are appreciated.  

I had briefly considered waiting tables but decided against it.  I know you can make a load of money because my mom use to do it but I have a very poor memory.  I also know I would spill a lot because I have a tendency to stumble.  I have weak ligaments in my ankles which just spontaneously give out with no warning. Over the years I have learned to catch my self and not fall but never with full cups in my hands.  Not to mention if some one expects me to do 3 or 4 different things at a time I tend to spazz out and not get anything done because I'll start on one thing then start on a second task but totally forget the first.(Yay for ADHD)  Ben can tell you all about coming home to find 3 chores half done.  No, I believe I am better suited to wait on one person at a time.

The only time I can handle a hectic environment is when dealing with pets or children.  Believe it or not I am a trained and certified daycare instructor.  Or at least I was 5 years ago in Virginia.  I couldn't find a day care job that wasn't through a church so i did other jobs and I let my child CPR lapse.  I don't know how long my certification is good or if its good in this state.  But I do think I am pretty good with kids.

I was hoping that if we get this house in  Griffin there would be a day care center near there.  In fact I would not be worried about babysitting at home if we had that house.  So long as Ben agreed.  I would definitely have to put up gates to keep little kids out of the computer room and the music room  because Ben can be rather territorial about his things but I wouldn't worry about them getting hurt.  But we have to get the house first.  So right now I am just hoping the hear something from Petco or Subway.

When I first came back from Egypt, Indigo, I worked for two weeks in a "day care" (although they wouldn't call themselves day care, but rather, "a school").  They certified my CPR while I was working there.  (I didn't stay because we relocated across town).  You might give it a try, babe.  Cover all bases.

Wendy's just called me in.  Maybe I can get a couple hours of pay.  Though I am still looking around for jobs.  I don't really trust them anymore.

I agree to keep looking around, but try not to worry yourself sick. When you go into Wendy's next, tell them your situation. Sometimes that can help, it might also show them that you wouldn't be going anywhere soon, so to trust you and give you hours.

hoping for the best for you and Ben, we're all cheering for ya!

mara

Thank you every one.  I have tried to explain to them that I desperately need hours but still they seem to be dragging their feet.  I was told that I did a good job though so I hope maybe next week I can get some decent hours.  

Tomorrow Ben and I are going to sale some jewelry that I never wear.  People always insisted on giving me jewelry even though I almost never wear any and when I do it's the same 2 or 3 pieces (those I am keeping)  I have a gold chain I haven't worn in 10 years and another bracelet that I think is gold that I can't even wear because I can't do a clasp one handed.  Most of it's only been worn a few times just because I don't like jewelry.

Mainly I just wear my wish pearl (which was pretty cheap.) and my butterfly earrings.

Best wishes, IF.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I just know you will find the right job or the right job will find you.  

I hope you get what you need in selling your jewelry, although in my experience in that sort of thing, it was only enough to pay a light bill or something, but if that's what you need at the time, then so be it.  Been there, done that.

Candle has been lit and prayers have been sent.  

Blessings.

Amethystone

Well I still have all my jewelry.   Not of it was really worth anything.  The silver bracelets I had, weren't silver at all.  I also had my mama's engagement rings, she gave them to me after she divorced her second husband, the second one was cubic zirconia.  I still think we ought to put a few items on eBay and see if we get any bids but Ben doesn't think we'd get enough to be worth bothering with.