I hate this time of year so much. I always get so depressed for many reasons.
I lost my daughter November 20, 2005
The holidays have always made me depressed.
Everything I try to do comes out wrong, nothing is right.
I just can't seem to get happy, I have even been to the doctor and he gave me prozac.
I don't mean to sound whiney or anything just nothing makes me happy lately.
Years ago all i had to do was "smoke" that was my way with dealing with everything.
I know thats no way of solving anything but it sure made me feel better. To bad I don't live in California.
Hell I'd even take a new job that doesn't drug test everything I turn around.
I feel like im working all the time and have nothing to show for it. I have a small one bedroom apartment, and
a car my grandmother bought me.

All you can do in life is to say: "f*** you," put your head down, and power through all those obstacles, like an ox through a glass wall.. I'm not going to pretend that I know what you're going through. I'm very sorry about your loss. You can't numb yourself to life though.

And about everything coming out wrong..? Your grandma didn't have to buy you the car did she? You have a small one bedroom apartment, don't you? So your grandma is watching out for you, atleast a little. And you're not on the street heading into winter. Why don't you just, think hard on why you've always hated the holidays..Do you hate the spring or summer holidays, or just in winter? Ask your doctor if you'd have something like Seasonal Affect Disorder. My mom and Her mom both have it. It's not just depression.

Life is extremely hard at times. Sometimes though it throws you a couple of cookies every once in a while. You just have to be in the right frame of mind to see them.  

mara

You can always volunteer all sorts of different places during the winter. Giving something that doesn't cost money can be a warm fuzzy feeling maker.

Oh, Trinity.  I'm so sorry you are feeling so depressed and I'm sorry about the loss of your daughter.  I've been somewhere near where you are right now.  So many people get the blues around this time of year for various reasons.

Try to focus on the good and the positive.  You do have a job, an apartment and a car.  You are young and will be able to have children in the future if that is what you want, and you have said that you do.  And you have prozac!    

You're not being whiney.  You have a legitimate reason for feeling down with the anniversary tmw.  Set aside some alone time in remembrance of your daughter.  Sometimes this is the best way of getting thru such things.  

There are people here who care and are lifting you up to God/Goddess.  

Just hang in there, Dear.  Working hard sometimes helps us get thru difficult times, too, but take some time to rest yourself. This too shall pass and you will be happy again.   (comfort)

Thanks guys. things are just really hard right now. I know come Jan I will be back to myself. Hell I can't even goto walmart without hearing xmas music. makes me want to puke

Tell me about it...
I'm keeping you in my thoughts... I hope you're doing ok.  on the bright side, tomorrow is your first anniversary of joining! you've been stuck with us jokers for a whole year already! Thank you for adding your own wonderful flavour to our castle... we love having you here.

Trinity, I think I'd have to agree that while the loss of your wee one is good cause to not like this time of year to keep dealing while not dealing is not good for yo.

You are young, you do have your whole life ahead of you, and I'm quite sure that if she, or gramma could, they'd tell you themselves that this is ont the you that they would want you to be.

Check into the whole SADD thing it is a pain, I know. I have to deal with not hiding all winter long. Spend more time in the sunlight, even just sitting staring into nothingness, listening to nothing.

I don't like Xmas simply because it has totally lost it's meaning. Hell it desn't even really have the whole christ born thing anymomre, just the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ aspect of it, it's been polluted to such an extent that it is beginning to repulse alot of people of many different paths.

Hiding behind a vice isn't a biggie as long as it doesn't become a vice to hide from yourself. Then it's a problem!

hang in there sweets, and

[marq=left:980636979a]HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY[/marq:980636979a]

I aboslutly love being a part of this wonderful website. Everyone is so amazing and helpful. I love you all so much.
I have never met a group of people who are as kick ass as yall are

:mrgreen: