i just need to let this out... let me explain the situation...
my mom goes from yelling screaming rage to joking to pissed off as all hell in the same minute. constantly.
she is constantly yelling at me or one of my siblings, im 17 and have 3 younger siblings. they deserve better.
she can get very physical and mentally tries to tear you down...

its gotten to the point that i don't feel anything anymore. just confusion.

i broke down in front of the only person i trust with my life and when they tried to comfort me i got more scared
and confused and ended up pushing away from them... but the thing is... i want comfort... but it confuses me.

she tells me a lot that she basically wants to disown me and hates me... i use to think what is a child suppose to think when their own mother thinks that... but now i really don't care at all. but then when i try to leave she tells me im not going anywhere and that she will basically control me for the rest of my life

i want to feel again... but  i feel i might be .... beyond repair.... I've tried to feel happiness, imagine it...

i cant just leave cause id worry to much about my siblings. ...

... i don't hate her... but i don't love her either... thank you for listening

I'm not going to give you advice, Silver, because I don't see you asking for it.  Just know that you are in a place of peace here in the castle, and there are many here who can give you an understanding, empathetic shoulder to cry on.  Take care, babydoll. (hug)

As Seamonster said, let it out. Know that people do care and that you will "feel" you can. Remember you are not the one that needs "repair". And no one can control the rest of your life!
Blessings young one, thinking of you

Sundown

Huggles for you and your siblings!!!!

You've come to the right place, Silver.  You've already done the hard part.  Opening up and talking is the first step.  I believe you will find direction and when you do, you will know it.  Sundown is right in that no one can control the rest of your life.  Blessings, Dear.  You are heard.   (comfort)

This sounds all too familiar. �My brother and I grew up in an identical environment. �Your mother could have mental-health or addiction problems. �In any case, she is definitely not a happy person. �You are taking the right step by reaching out here; sometimes it's actually easier to talk to complete strangers. �What really helped me way back then was making friends, most of them older than myself. �It's also important to keep in touch with your feelings so they don't fester too much. �Keeping a journal will help you sort things out. �Just remember many people have been down the same road, and many of us have the advantage of experience and hindsight and are more than willing to help and listen. �Let us know how you are doing.

Blessings.
Monk