My Fear, my shame.

I get upset over people allowing fear to rule over their lives. Like someone who says they are afraid of dogs, or afraid of cats and run for the hills. If you come to know something, face that which you are afraid of and no longer allow it to rule you makes you a stronger person. I think you get my meaning.

Over that last few years I've come to face many of my fears, and thought that there is not one thing I am afraid of. Death, no for I know there is something beyond that. Meeting new people and weather they'll like me or not, nope I am who I am and they can take it or leave it. Someone getting hurt, no I worry at times but no not that, people get better. Troubles, no things will works out someway.

Yet just when I think I have faced all my fears, I look in the mirror and smile. Damn!! I found my worst fear yet. The dentist and the judgment I face there. Yes My fear is going to the dentist, I know the condition of my teeth. They are bad, very bad. When I was young I was brought to a dentist and every single time I had to have something worked on. I was told I needed to brush more. How could that be!? I'd brush more then most people ever did, six to seven times a day if not more. Flossed every time I brushed. An yet I'd still end up having to hear " you need to brush more". And no matter what it always hurt like hell getting those fixes.

When I had my kids, things were tight, I could afford for them to have dental care, but not for myself. I could get Medicaid for them but not me. Then when we had insurance I could only afford for the kids. We barely made enough to cover them and to much to get any assistance. So I put myself to the end of the line and there I have stayed. Now I've had to visit the dentist a few time over the years, only out of desperation and those visits did nothing but reinforce my fear.

Now things are different, kids are older, things are better money wise. So why am I not dealing with myself. It's simple. I am afraid!! As I set here and write this and thoughts a dental work run through my head I am in a cold sweat, and shaking like a leaf. I know what will be said, and I know the look on the dentists face when they have a look at my teeth. An the money it'll take to fix them. Hell I worried about money back then, the amount it will take now is even greater. And I am ashamed to let anyone see, I hide my smile and laughter behind my hands.

I cry at the thought of them, I cry at the thought of the money I don't have to fix them. I cry at my fear and shame. �I am ashamed.

Inde Hun, Be afraid, it's ok. Just don't let that fear consume you, and beat you.

I understand totally about the teeth thing. My front one's were rotted. I looked like a meth head. I wasn't, well I might have been, was a speed freak for years, nother story, that and I lived on antibiotics when I was a kids, killed my teeth, and have a calcium isssue.

finally a couple years ago hubby told me to get things done, like it or not. I did just as you did, about had a panic attack. I also had gone a few times, but only to have one I couldn't bear anymore pulled. Now, not as much money later as I thought, I now have a partial filling the spaces that were once filled wtih rotten teeth. I still have things I need done, but eh, they can wait, but not out of fear mind you, nope I beat that monster down!    So can you.

It's not the pain factor, or the money factor,  that scares you most, it's the judgemental factor, and like you said, you don't care what people think, right?

Another thing, which I suspect is bothering you.  It did me too for awhile.
It's not your fault you have problems with your teeth.
Indeshadows, I went through the exact same thing.  My old dentist used to tell me to brush more, floss more.  My new dentist tells me my teeth are white, clean, and I have good roots.  Something that is hereditary is causing my teeth to decay.  I'm sure I'm paying for my dentists vacations, I see him on average every second month with a toothache.  My brothers and sisters all go through the same thing.  I'm told now that it's hereditary.  And my eldest daughter and youngest son are going through the same thing, and they brush, floss very well.
Remember, it's not your fault.  Your dentist shouldn't be so judgemental.  If you can, get a new one, or at least have a discussion with this one.

You know, I've heard of dentists who are suspected of filling and fixing perfectly healthy teeth, I'm sure they got paid well. Dentistry is a business, and the aim of the business is to make money. Maybe your former dentist found he could fix more teeth with a guilt trip.

The memory of blame mixed with pain...what a tangled situation Inde. I am sure you do not possess the worst teeth ever seen in dentistry. I'm also sure you were not to blame. It's not your fault, no matter what the health professional you gave your trust to decided to tell you. I'm gonna call this a betrayal - hugs and healing to you.

Dentists shouldn't be judgmental, and if you get one that is, go to a different one.  Maybe you could ask around, your friends and such, to find a good dentist.   If you can afford to go, you should go.  Dentistry has come a long way.  I recently had a root canal, it only took about 1 1/2 hrs.  NO PAIN at all.  Dentists don't have to hurt you, you just need to find an understanding one.  If money is an issue, they can even do a little of the most critical work at first, and leave the less important things go a while.  You will be able to find a good dentist who will work with you and not judge you, you just have to look around.   Good luck to you.

When I started going back to the dentist on my own, last couple of months, I found out a lot has changed. Like Rainbells said, root canals don't hurt anymore, it didn't for me either, and you can't even tell that the tooth is dead. I love my dentist, he's a really cool guy, is always asking me how I'm doing, and is a very personal professional. The root canal is expensive though. My friends used to stay home from school for a couple days, but mine, I was fine the same day. My jaw was sore because they really spread your mouth wide.

There is something called CareCredit, or CreditCare, and it's this certain kind of insurance, that if you're approved for it, puts you on a payment plan for no interest in the time alotted.. I think it goes up to twelve months. I wasn't approved. But my dentist also does this thing, where if you have a capital one credit card, that you can put that on your taxes somehow, and you can get some money back. I don't remember how the receptionist explained it though.

I had the worst two teeth that were cavities done first, because I couldn't eat anything sweet, and we're not talking just chocolate cake, lol. One was where the filling had just fallen out, and it was a hole between my gum and tooth, that had been there for atleast two years. Because I didn't go to the dentist for the last couple of years, I'm probably going to be owing more than a grand.. But I've checked at other dentists and they're running the same prices, so either I'm not getting screwed or everyone is.. That's another idea, you could call around and see about estimates for those teeth that you're having problems with. They'll say they need to see you because they don't know how bad it is, but they should be able to give you an estimate for you. I got five teeth or so done, and I still have three more.. You might be better.

If you don't trust any medical person, you shouldn't see them. Find someone else..

And don't feel bad about putting your children first, that's a sign of a good parent. Now that your children are big enough, it's your time to get your health in order. Like it was already said, it's fine to be afraid just don't let that fear control you and your decisions. The mouth is a bad place to have decay and infection, if that crud gets into your gums then it's already getting into your bloodstream.

Good luck with it.

Mara

Also try and see if you have a dental college around. They do work for less, because you are the learning tool.

Ok, climb out from under that table, it's not bad. Actuallly they are often better because every little thing they do is double checked by the teacher.

I agree with Novia.  Along with having everything double checked, you consider that these guys/gals are at a level where they CAN be performing dental work, and they have FRESH information.  Its not like going to the old guy that hasn't updated in 20 years and still uses some pretty Machiavellian tools.