Ok, so my dog had to be put to sleep the end of October.  It was horribly sad, but his heart just couldn't do the job anymore and he was suffering.  It sucked, I helped him cross over, I still felt shitty in spite of all the sages in my head telling me comforting things.

Ok, so my husband left AGAIN the beginning of November.  Didn't even console me about the dog.  I'm better off, right?  But there's still a part of me mourning the loss.  Being alone sucks.  Sure, roll your eyes, you'd love to have a night to yourself once in a while.....but coming home to a dark, chilly, empty house after work is not as freeing as it seems when you dream about it, especially over and over and over.

Ok, so I'm an adamant pro-choicer.  Nobody but nobody is going to tell me what I can or cannot do with my body!  It never meant that I would actually choose to end a life or encourage anyone else to do so.  NO, dear readers, I've been through chemo so it was not me this issue was about.  My son tells me he and his girlfriend are expecting, oh joy, joy, joy....a bright spot in a long line of crappy life-events.  Then he tells me there's no way they can do this right now, and they've made the really hard decision.  From the flight of thinking my first grandchild was on the way to the headfirst spiral decent into grief for a little soul I don't even know.

OK, so material things shouldn't matter that much, right?  Dettachment and all that Buddhist teaching towards enlightenment.  Well, don't try that approach with anyone who has just discovered they have been burglarized.  Yep,  me again!  My marriage may be in the crapper, but my wedding band still meant something to me.  And the ring my ex gave me when I forgave him the love-child he'd produced with his secretary still meant something to me, and my greatgrandmother's engagement ring meant a hell of a lot to me.  Police don't have alot of hope my stuff will be found although they were very nice to me.  And the thought that some creep went through all my drawers and was in my bedroom!!  I've been violated in more ways than should be humanly possible for one person, but this feels......there aren't words to describe it.

Could use alittle help here, starting to feel like I'm circling the drain.

I am so sorry for all these things that are piling up for you, Acasia. The good thing about time, is that it keeps moving and all those pains will start to not be so sharp. They'll still hurt of course.

You know you did the right thing by your dog. It would have been worse for it to suffer. As for your husband, I don't know any back story to it, but maybe you are better off. If the man who's supposed to be your life partner keeps taking off on you, maybe you should analyze what he's really there for and what good he's doing you..?

Maybe your son really can't afford a baby right now. Time-wise or financially, and I know that doesn't help, but it's their choice. If they can't do it now, then what will it be like in early stages when all the night time feedings and doc check-ups and all that starts. That's adding more stress than they might be having now.. You want a grandchild who comes in at a time when other than the early stress of acclimating to it, it is surrounded my people loving it and having time for it. You don't want the parents to be worried about money and where their lives are right now and all that. I've always thought that if a miscarriage or something like that happens, the childs soul will keep trying to come through.. �

And what I always thought of owning things is, as long as those objects aren't the only thing that make you happy, it's not wrong to own them. I'm a taurus and the baby of the family though, so when it comes to living the comfy life, I usually get my way, or atleast wiggle into a good situation Maybe that's why I'm no more enlightened then I was ten years ago.. �

Those rings weren't ones you just went out one day and bought for yourself. Those were gifts from people who you cared a lot for. I don't think it's wrong to grieve for the objects that you had deep memories connected to. I would be especially pissed and disgusted that someone went through my house looking for things to steal.

Hopefully there's someone else who can post something better for you, seeing as how I've not even had a serious relationship yet, I can sympathize but not imagine how it would be in your situation. Other than the stealing thing. I've had someone who I thought was my best friend help another one of my friends steal from me.. I still haven't talked to them, that was three(?) years ago now..

Mara

Things always get better. You have to believe that, and just keep trudging through..

I've got a billion little wisdom nibblets that could apply to your situations, but all I can think is "wow Acasia, that's so f*cking terrible." I have no idea what all that must feel like, but I think mara was right in breaking it down to examine the pieces. whew. take a deep breath - you've earned it.

keep on changing and just go with it, right? because maybe the only thing we really are in control of is how we feel.

Dear one, I can't think of any consoling words to offer, but I am sending healing energy.   You have had a rough time, but you just have to ride it out.   Goddess bless you.

Lots of love and light to you.  And hugs... (hug)

Anything I can think of to say is just so trite. I hold you in my thoughts and wish only good from these things for you.

Lots of hugs, hun.

Thank you all so much.  Just knowing that you are keeping me in your thoughts and sending healing energies helps so much!  I have thousands of little nibblets of wisdom too, that I try to practice on a daily basis, but it's alittle different when you're actually going through it.  I know time, well if it doesn't heal all it at least makes you strong enough to bear the pain.  I've been through other tragedies as well, but never so many in such a short span of time.  I think that is what is making all this so freaking hard.  I have the feeling I am being stripped of all the things necessary for some kind of major change, but it doesn't make it any easier since I can't see the future.  I guess I just needed to freak out alittle bit.

Well Hun, just put that plug in the drain and know we all got a line tied to ya to keep you from going down.

Wow, I am sorry to hear you've been going through so much.  I have no wisdom to share and nothing I can say will ease your pain.  All I can suggest is you brew yourself some tea, find your favorite book, run a hot bath and hide in the bathroom for an hour or two.  Hopefully it will help you relax a bit.

I too believe that if a child is not born for what ever reason it will hang around the family it chose until it gets the chance to come through again.  So don't worry about your grand baby, you'll meet them someday.  And when you do it'll be a better time for every one.

my heart aches for you....lets just pray the nightmare is over now....you need time to heal all the damaged places in your heart.

blessings in great bunches darlin'

eeyoresgirl

(comfort)

Acasia, I'm sure you know already that you have many here praying and sending positive wishes and energy your way, but I just wanted to let you know that I, too, am thinking of you.  

I wish I had something more soothing and wise to say, but all I can think of at the moment is something I've had to hang onto more times than I like to admit.  "This too shall pass".  

Hugs, kisses and blessings.
Amethystone

Thank you all again.  Time is helping put things in perspective, although I still have bouts of anger and depression.  I'm thinking about taking a martial arts class at our local karate school.  The exercise should help dissapate the anger and I can fantasize about kicking the crap out of my burglar (and my ex, and death, and fate......).  I choose happiness, consciously, every day, even though it feels alittle contrived or forced, I know eventuallly it will feel real again.  

I thank the powers that be everyday for all of you here.  The world is a better place because you are here.

Acasia,

Happy to hear that you are coming to terms. Martial arts class sounds good -- get some of the anger out and learn calmness.

You are in my thoughts, each day.

Blessings,