okay all I am at my wits end here.  My son is getting married in June.  She is a nice enough girl, she has no idea of what I am or if she does she isn't letting on.  She is not the sharpest tack in the box but all in all seems to be not to bad.  Here is where the problem comes in.... Her family.  Her step-father is causing all kinds of problems and her mother is just stupid.  My son is actually very devote in his religion. Catholic and so is my mother.  yes they know I am Pagan but it does not bother them.  They know I follow the old ways.  Anyways her step father is interferring anyway he can.  He is running around saying he was going to show up to the church dressed like a hillbillu in overalls and carrying a shotgun.  I was livid.  First off my kid is a 27 year old virgin. Okay sounds fantastic but he is.  He takes his religion seriously.  He won't live with her and he isn't sleeping with her.  Also before they even started dating or getting serious he said there were three things he wasn't going to bend on. One she couldn't have any children, weather or not she is a virgin is not an issue for him just no kids.  Second they were going to get married in the Catholic church and lastly if there were any children they were going to be raised in the Catholic faith.  Now religion hasn't been a real sticky point in the family. Dad was Luthern, hubby is not really anything but was protastant of some sort.  he told her if she wanted to continue to go to the church her mother went ot (evangelical Baptist) that was alright with him.  It was cool until her step-father got involved.  He told my mother that he wasn't putting 5 cents in the wedding and then proceeded to insult her religion.  Now mom is a 65 year old Catholic Irish woman.  My father has passed on to Summerland in 2007.  Her step-father does not work and won't really let her mother work, someone has to watch his kids. He is younger than her mother and has three kids from a previous marriage.  The boy's fiance is the only one bringing money into the house and they are draining her dry.  She has to buy all the stuff for the wedding and there clothes.  We are providing for our side and the boy is getting married in a traditional Scottish kilt.  My mother has said she would pay for the sit down meal. Now the otherside is trying to have us pay for it all.  We are told that her mother feels we are pushing her out of the wedding plans. We have been trying our best to back off on things but we want it to be good for the boy.  I even laid out 300 dollars for the veils for her dress.  Her side is doing nothing but causing us to really begin to dislike the girl.  She will not tell them to back off.  My son has his own house filled with antiques and all she says is that he has nothing but old shit that doesn't match.  He owns everything free and clear and she has nothing to bring to the house.  All she is bringing is one rocking chair and a handful of clothes.  I keep asking the Goddess to help me be patient and not ot be so negitive but I am having a hard time of it.  I am tippy toeing around to not fight but it is coming and I know it.  I am thinking it will be like the hatfiled and mckoys.  She treats him with disrespect and his stuff with disrespect.  I do not know what to do.

Love and Laughter
~Raveness~

OK, Mom, first thing I would do in your shoes is sit down and take a few deep breaths.  Tough stuff, this, and I've not been through it, so I'm only speaking from the outside.  Seems to me that your son has made up his mind on his choice of young lady, and you should respect him for that, even if you dislike her.  As for her family, once the wedding is over, you do not need to associate much with them at all.  However, if you are footing the bill for this wedding, you have a lot of weight in the decision making process (so long as it doesn't interfere with the happiness of the couple getting married).  

I wouldn't worry too much about Bubba comin' in with his shotgun and overalls (sounds a LOT like my ex's family--hope not...lol).  He will make plenty fool of HIMSELF.  He sounds like a real "winner" anyway.  (dee) Your son's fiancee probably just doesn't want to make a problem with her family, which might be why she is not asking them to lay off.  Sounds like the step-dad probably wouldn't back down even if you persuaded him  sn))(( as he has some weird sort of ego anyhow.  His excuse for not paying for anything (so that he doesn't find himself FEELING like the loser he is) is to not pay for anything because of "religious differences".  (This is how I'm understanding it.  If I'm wrong, stop me.)  People like that generally don't take a look at themselves.  They don't because they wouldn't like what they see.  Its so much easier to take out their issues on "others".

Maybe try having a "tea" with Mom-in-law-to-be, and tell her how you feel about all of this.  Be honest.  And then give her a large "assignment", like organizing the seating chart or something...lol.  Let her feel as if she's included in all of it, but also, explain the money issue.  There are a thousand ways to very nicely say, "pay up or shut up!"

...and then go out and buy Bubba a very nice "formal" pair of overalls and a tie.

I likes the overalls idea!!! Complete with cumberbun, of course! (Maybe some toothblack if he really wants to play the part! )

THIS is why I tell my kids, get married at the courthouse and have a slammin' reception!

sorry but I can't think of ne decent thing to say about these folks.

I'd take care of your sons side of the wedding, and leave her side to tend, or not, to theirs. I'd explain it to your son why, I'm sure he'll undeerstand.

...or run off to Vegas and ENJOY themselves at the same time.  Lord knows, they're in it for the long haul afterward, so they might as well make the best of it while they're young!

Maybe she just needs a strong man in her life to help her grow a back bone. I know before I met my husband...my parents, my ex husband, everyone in general...walked all over me. I'm still growing that spine, but at least I know that my husband will help me stick to my guns when I say something and mean it. (and kick someone in the shin for being mean to me when I can't do it myself.) From the way you describe your son he seems like a very strong individual with his mind made up, plans for the future, etc., maybe that's exactly what the doctor ordered. Besides, once they are married, hopefully she will be able to relax a little, providing for a whole entire family that you didn't spawn can be a lot to handle. Now she will only have to worry about bringing money into a family of two.

Thanks all for the comments.  Told son about the overalls.  I laughed at it.  He said don't even think of telling him that cause he (step-dad) already mentioned he would show up at the church like that.  Mom and hubby said if he did he was going to be barred from the church.  We think it may be better after they get married. Okay hoping with fingers crossed. We put her Mom in charge of making the wedding cake.   bad idea.  At first it was going to be a four layered red velvet cake but her mother can't seem to make the cake without it falling. Then she was told that it was the hardest cake to make.  Then she is playing with a banana cake.  By the way her mother is not a very good cook.  she gave us a sample of this banana cake and I don't understand how someone can make the cake so heavy.  we have a friend making a traditional fruitcake for the grooms cake.   We are holding our tongues as much as we can until after the wedding.  We are at the point that we aren't doing nothing more for her side and just now consentrating on our side.  we want to make it a happy thing for the boy.  By the way he is the one that wants the fancy wedding in the church.   (angel)  I think she secretly is happy about it being formal instead of otherwise.  Son told her last night to tell her step-dad to knock it off about the shotgun thing.  There were going to be no pictures of him and anyone handleing a shotgun.  She asked him why we hate her family.  I told the boy to tell her we don't know her family.  She has a brother and sister and brother-in-law plus two neices in Boise.  We don't know them.  She does not belong to her step-fathers people.  he never even raised her.  Her mother remarried after her father died when she was out of high school.  so there is no attatchment there.  

I do feel soooo much better though after letting off steam on the boards yesterday. .

One thing Bubba did was go into town with her and her mother yesterday and treid to get her to buy a new car.  Now the girl has lousy credit, several judgements against her and she is not paying her bills cause she is supporting them and paying their bills.  Says Bubba said he would co-sign for it.  Kid went ape shit. Said if she did that he was calling off the wedding.  She wants to declaire bankruptsy and even though he is a lawyer he isn't making any money right now.  We still are supporting him.  Grandma pays his car loan, I work for free.  The family pitches in for everything.  That is how we have always done.  Kid also has a 100,000 dollar loan for school.  They think we are rolling in dough.

Anyways thanks for listening and offering your advice.  I am sure this won't be the last you guys hear of it until after the ceramony.  *LOL*  I told son they should be happy I don't show up in all my Pagan regalia.  Now wouldn't that be a sight. hehehehehehehe

Love and Laughter
~Raveness~

I'm sure everything will go well, and then it will all be over...whew!!     It sounds interesting, to say the least, but if they're happy with it, well, that's all that matters.

you could always threaten to go skyclad

ee000)   Love it, Badb!...and if you need to bring a weapon, brink your athame...

*LOL*  The kid will have a traditional dagger in his sock.  He is wearing the tradional kilt and highland regalia.  I could always grab that.  I do like the skyclad idea though.  I have a REALLY big Pentacle I could wear.

Love and Laughter
~Raveness~

 glad I could put an idea out there! :idea:

You know I just got to remeber to wear my protection jewlery all of the time.  The minute I am without it BAM :| they show up.  Today her step-dad and mom showed up at the boy's office.  They seemed very surprised my mom was here. Anyways they were being cryptic about wanting pictures of James.  Of course Grama being on the defensive anyways told her she wasn't giving up pictures for any kind of joke.  SHe said she did scrapbooking and was working on a surprise.  Okay thought that was dealt with.  Then as her mom is talking to my mom her step-dad leaned over to my desk and started whispering to me.  Okay I have ot give him credit when they walked in and I saw them the old protective white bubble flew up around me and the dragon sitting on my shoulder was throwing glares.  He knew something was not right but obviously didn't know what. Oh if he only knew. *LOL*  But he was asking me what my husband and I liked to eat as he was thinking of having us over to their house for dinner.  Prpbably not going to happen.  HUbby doesn't like the man.  I of course didn't tell him that.  Kid is between a rock and a hard place.  Well of course after they left Grandma gets mad because he deibertly invited me and hubby but pointedly ignored grandma.  Okay usually grandparents aren't involved but as there is only the four of us my mom is involved in all we do.  They know this.  So anyways the girl gets home after work. calls the boy and starts ragging on him because her mother said my mother insulted her on purpose.  Kid gave the phone to me,which his girlfriend of course didn't like.  I tried to straighten it out as best as I could.  Seems I am the mediator now.  
Anyways I did warn you guys. *LOL*  The saga continues.

Love and LAughter
~Raveness~

Dude *gives you a big glass of wine*  This sounds too much like my boyfriend's family expect his mom is just insane.  I'd try and offer some words of advice, but sadly, I don't think I have any to give. It does sound like Son and Girlfriend are at odds though.   No harm done, but maybe this will help both of them figure out if they are suppose to be together.  Always seems like something major comes up at an odd time to test a relationship. That's just my thought at least.  Anyway, keep us posted *stands by with popcorn and an orange soda* ^__^

ummm...are you going to be filming this and posting it on here for us?  I would love to see the whole ceremony.  Actually, this is like reality TV.    

It sounds really awkward and it may be that the girl's family is trying to find a way to "fit in" with you.  They are as "weirded out by you as you are by them", since you obviously have different lifestyles and different ways of looking at things.  It might not hurt to take them up on their invitation.  If your hubby doesn't want to go, he can politely back out, but I would ask them (sweetly/diplomatically) if you may bring along your mother since she will be involved in the wedding as well.  

Durn, woman!  If it's this tough with the wedding, I can't imagine what it might be like if these two have a first child!

It sounds like you have a very small but close family and you have a close relationship with your son. After reading everything you've posted, I can assure you of this one thing: there will be some fireworks at this wedding! That is if it happens. You stated that your son is an attorney. I have to ask: How did your son meet his fiance? What does she do for a living? Her step father sounds like a real jerk if he is unemployed,has no income, won't allow his wife to work, and your son's fiance is the only source of income in that household. I'll assume that she too is in her mid 20's, just starting out in life, and her relative infancy in the work force puts her closer to the entry level on most pay scales (which may at least partially account for her poor credit rating as she has to support her dead beat stepfather's household). �This can put a lot of stress on some people. Now, as some of the other responants have stated, after the wedding, your contact with your son's fiance's family will be reduced to a minimum. The real concern needs to be the relationship between your son and his fiance. Why are they getting married? I haven't read any mention of how much they love/respect each other. I your first post, you stated that one of them (your son I think) doesn't want children (non-negotiable). I don't know of many mariages that aren't built on compromise. Now understand that I have much more respect for couples that "choose" not to have kids (for whatever reason) than those who do have them and neglect or abuse them. If they're not in agreement about this, IT WILL EVENTUALLY BE AN ISSUE. Does this girl love your son? They're not even married yet and she's complaining about his "old stuff that doesn't match". What are their plans for the future? Not trying to rain on anyone's parade. I had 1 marriage that lasted 8 months because it was not thought through. My current one is going on 19 years and still going strong because we both had bad past relationships and didn't rush into this one, and we both make consessions when necessary. �Now, please understand, having been in law enforcement for the last 22 years, I am suspicious by nature. �Would she still want to be with your son if her current home life wasn't sucking the life out of her (as it seems it may be)? Or is he a way out of her current situation? Her family seems to be the type that are salivating at the prospect of this union because they appear to be a bunch of leeches. Please understand I mean no harm or intended to offend you or your family and appologize if I did. I have two daughters of my own and the only thing that matters to me is their happiness as I'm sure your son's happiness is yours. However, as a dad, I always want to protect them from harm. Your son's fiance is the real concern. Have your son suggest a "pre-nup" and guage her reaction. Remember, his practice is a business. She gets half if the marriage fails. Best of luck with this.