After my mother died, my father was lonely and married rather quickly an evil, evil woman.  Ok, if you don't believe in evil, this woman is selfish, egotistical, and a money hungry bimbo.  
After they were married, my father proceeded to do all the housework.  He changed his will to (to put into simplistic terms), all his possessions and money to go to his new wife with the exception of one bank account to go to his children.  Under law here, that one account has to be dissolved into the other accounts because of his age.  
She refuses to pay for anything.  The purchase of the new home came from guess what account, the purchase of a new car, same place.  Ok, so what is money.  This is his decision.
Now, he's had 2 or 3 strokes and each time he was in the hospital, she refused to visit him, instead, staying home and drinking.  Ok, blame this one on the fact that she's an alcoholic.  Now, she still refuses to do housework and this includes making meals.  
He now is so frail that he can't do anything, hardly get up out of a chair, has trouble breathing.  Won't leave her.  Both of them are now in ill health because she refuses to cook meals.  He is skin and bones, literally.  She still is overweight because she can reach the candy bowl.  But both of them are suffering from blood deficiencies.  
My father is so frail and sick, I just want him to come and live with me to at least die with some dignity, and a small hope that he might get somewhat better.  He is so sick,  I think he is going to die soon, it's not about the money, because even if I could, I wouldn't be pressing him to change his will at this stage.  She can have everything.  
The problem?  My siblings want me to start taking over meals.  I can, and this is where the guilt comes in.  I cannot feed that woman, she is more than capable of cooking at least one meal a day.  Why won't she help my father?  Why is my father still with her?  You can't even call the authorities about abuse because they would say he was of sound mind.  I wish I could just say to my father to write her a cheque for everything, and come live with me.  But I refuse to give her my food, and my time.  Of course, now, I'm hurting my father.

The authorities might not do anything at this moment, but talk to a lawyer (not for the money, but for custody of your dad) and make an appointment for you to see his doctor.  Then maybe make another appointment for the two of you to go together.  In that enviroment, kind of a neutral zone, talk to your dad and his doctor about your concerns and what you see happening. Don't bring the money into it, and don't even mention the name of the wicked witch because that will make your father defensive.  Don't lay any blame anywhere...... don't say "She never cooks for you"...... say "you are unable to cook for yourself and therefore you are not getting any home cooked, nutrious meals."  I too had an evil step parent .....
Good luck!  I'll send good vibes your way!  Keep us informed.

If it was me, I would do the meals for both of them, just to help my father.  I might have to grind my teeth, and swallow my words, but I would just consider the good energy such an act will set loose in the world, and I would do it.  The worst feeling, most horrible, terrible feeling, is the guilt we get when a loved one dies, and we think about what we could have done, and didn't do.  If you feed both of them, then when he dies, you will have easy dreams at night, and you will be glad you did it, and the only thing that will be left will be how much love you showed to your dad.

 Ahh Marigold, Im sorry to hear about what is happening to your father.  Id combine both of what has been said above.  I would seek legal advice, *and* try and take him to the doc without the new wife.  I would *also* be cooking the meals.  I know it would be damn hard considering the way she has behaved, but in the long run...you are hurting yourself and your father, and not her.  Which I might add, she probably would enjoy.  Id cook for your father and her, and be as sickly sweet to her as I could

I hope your father gets stronger, and hopefully sees the new wife for the person she really is.

A

I'm with all of the above...cooking for both of them will not only help your father, but it will assist you spiritually as well.  Even if you don't want to cook for her, your father will appreciate you doing it because he loves her.  In the end, her karma will catch up with her.

honey make yourself a list of the good foods YOU know she hates and your dad likes....start with those you will feel better or at least get a good laugh out of it...
I am with you all the way. I have freakin inlaws staying with me who have never been anything but a pain in the .... well you know .
There will be a light at the end of the tunnel for us both....myself I am going to turn it off BEFORE they get out....but I just know it will be there


blessings

Marigold,
These are all such wonderful and helpful tips and suggestions.  I agree with them all.  I really like the idea of cooking only meals you know your father loves regardless if it is something she likes or not and hopefully, she won't like most of them......   Good luck!

Marigold, I too agree with everything that has been suggested. First thing I would concentrate on though is getting your father nourished (I especially like the idea of making foods she hates and he likes ). No matter how much it kills you to feed that woman, the fact that you're so upset over the situation as a whole says that you love your dad deeply. However, don't let your disdain for his wife overpower that love. Another suggestion might be to bring meals just for your dad and help him to eat it. That way you can be sure he is getting fed and she can go fend for herself. Financially, even if its no big deal, I see no reason why your siblings can't share the cost of caring for your dad. If they have a problem with it, they're the one's who will live with that guilt. As for seeking legal advise- absolutely do it. What you've described sounds like a form of spousal abuse (which is a criminal offense by the way). However, it won't come without a steep cost: you may have to have your dad declared incompetent to ultimately rid your family of this parasite. You stated that he won't leave her even though she is clearly neglecting his needs. This sounds to me like he may be giving up on life- Not exactly demonstrative of rational thinking (almost suicidal). Take it a step further: when did he change his will? Was it after he had his strokes? If he's found to be incompetent and the changes to his will came after his strokes, those changes may be ruled invalid. Again, consult a good lawyer who specializes in this area. Best of luck to you sweetie.

Blessed Be,

Draco

Thank-you so much for your input.  It is one bitter pill to swallow, but will definitely help me feel better in the end if I take my father meals.  I like your suggestion on taking over food that she doesn't like.   Unfortunately, talking to the authorities wouldn't do any good right now.  I think Dad has a way to go until he will be found incompetent, and only then could I say 'abuse' or get custody of him.  Last time he was in the hospital, he said he wanted to come home with me, until his wife showed up on the day of release.  And I was taking him to the doctor, but now he wants her to take him.  Hm....
Also, thanks for the good vibes.  I feel so much calmer today.  I'm on a mission to help my father, and to bring her down if I can, but right now I'm looking at it with a more positive note.  Thanks

Maybe I am looking at this the wrong way.  I am not arguing with anyone's opinion, but I think, for the sake of peace, that you should honestly do the best you can, with good intentions for everyone concerned.  Making things you know she won't like puts a hateful energetic spin on the food you make for your father.   Just cook nourishing food that will taste good, make enough for two people, and don't worry about getting even with her.  The Universe will deal with her.   And the Universe will deal with you, too, and It will treat kindly if you have good intentions for all of Its creations.   Your father must have some reason for wanting to be with her, and you said yourself that he isn't incompetent, so I think you should try not to make his life more unpleasant and more difficult than it already is.  Making food that you know she doesn't like is likely to rebound on the way she treats him, which will make you feel even worse about this situation.  Be a better person than she is.

EERGH......I hate it when someone is right.. (WHAT? no liver and onions for Dad???) But, I still will ask the goddess to intervene.  I'm not asking harm to his wife, I just asking that she see the error of her ways.  And if she is deliberately harming my father, then she should get back what she's deserves.  If she's doing it unintentionaly, (though I don't think so), then no harm should come to her.  I'll accept whatever happens.  I believe in justice, I believe we should ask for it, but I know that not always do we see justice happening.
I'm just thankful that when I was so upset and angry that I had you guys to talk to, and now I can see things in a clearer light.  The emotion of anger really affects me.  I tend to see 'red' and have a knee-jerk reaction.

Darn...yeah Rainbells is right on this. It is fun to think about the liver and onions...but probably not the best idea to do it. There are some good recipes here (might start with his dr as far as what he is supposed to be eating).Chicken soup , blueberry crumble....good comfort foods are always my fall back when someone in the family is sick.
Some people who at first seem to be nasty and evil are just very badly scarred emotionally and there is always a chance she will lighten up or improve with time, until then you have enough just to focus on getting your dad well, or at least making him comfortable and you won't be able to do that if you are rumbling with big mama.... :lol
blessings

I totally agree with Rainbells,
you see, most people are deep in their heart not evil at all... maybe someone else hurted her a long time ago, maybe she have mental problems or she lost her trust in people and that's the reason why she can not ''give''... there are so many reasons why someone is evil, but most of them are just because their anger, their hate is a kind of protection - which means that there is still a good side left too. Try to see that good side, even if it is so difficult.

Just do what you can for your father, don't think about her - why she is like this or that, how to cook bad meals for her;.. I mean, if she is the evil one, let her be the evil one.   Don't let her push you down too...

Maybe, if she sees that you respect your father AND her too, and cook without having issues with her - maybe she will change and respect you  and your father again. Wouldn't that be great?  

It's possible that my father's wife is like this because of her first marriage.  He left her without any notice and she was stuck raising 2 children by herself.  I find her and both of her children are both takers, not in the any way giving, selfish, etc.  Maybe they had to do that in order to survive, and maybe that's why she drinks now, to forget that time in her life.  What worries me is her second marriage.  Her second husband died at home and was gone for several hours before she even noticed.  After that, she refused her husband's children into the house to gather personal effects.  Thankfully, anything that we would want, (photos, etc) Dad gave to us before now.  My sister offered to drive him to the bank to pay some bills and his wife complained, saying that she herself could do it.  We feel that she's just being transparent, she's afraid we're going to talk our father into writing us cheques.  She doesn't drive him anywhere, he has to get the physical strength to do it himself, or ask us to drive him.  We've never asked him for money, and I know that none of us ever will but she is so money hungry.  
I know that I have to think positive about her, and believe that she will change, but that seems impossible for me at this time.  I have to think about Dad only, think rationally and calmly.  I'll take over a nice tender juicy roast, something to get his blood levels up, maybe some beans too.  (try not to think of her benefiting from me).  Say some prayers for me, light some candles, I definitely need it.

hey Marigold.....just checking in with you and wondering if your dad is doing better these days?


blessings