I have some serious issues going on here in my life that I have no idea how to fix.
I lost my car at the beginning of this month, I got into a fight with the landlady over her retaliating against me for something that I had nothing to do with, she served me with an eviction notice because of it. I have taken time off from work, that I really can't afford to, to deal with all this crap and then started having serious health issues in the process. My kids are not in school yet because I was not sure where we would be living at, and I honestly thought that I could deal with all this crap in less than a week. I had enough money to get moved and had a house lined up to move into then wham! Everything blew up in my face. Now I am sitting here feeling seriously depressed. I went to the dr yesterday for anti anxiety meds that I have not had to take in a long time and I just feel lost. I have no idea what to do, where to turn, or even have any one that could help financial wise to help me get moved. All I want to do is cry all day long, even though I know that won't solve anything. I have cried so much these last few weeks, that I'm surprised I have any tears left. I feel like there is this huge cloud around me that no matter what I do, I can't shake. I have tried being positive because I know like attracts like. But when all these things happened at once, and I do mean at once, literally all in the same day, I have almost given up my will to fight. I don't want to go back to work, I don't want to get out of bed but I know I have too. I just want to scream and scream and scream some more. This has been the worst year ever for me. I feel like I have let everyone around me down because I don't have the answers. I spend every waking moment waiting for something else to happen. I am one step away from being homeless and that scares the crap out of me.
I rented a car when I first lost mine so I could go to work and they literally fucked me out of a house when I turned it back in. I have been raising hell with them everyday since then, and am just worn completely out because of all this crap.
I look at my kids and my mom and feel like the world's biggest failure. They all turn to me for answers that I don't have. I just don't have the energy to fight this anymore. I am seriously considering telling my kids to move back in with their dad (a move that would make them hate me, because they do not get along with their step mom) and just running away to somewhere, anywhere and saying to hell with all of it. But I love my kids too much to do that to them, but it might come to that.
Please, guys, I need some serious positive energy to help me break this funk that is hanging over me. I feel cracks in it here and there and I know it is starting to break but I can't do it alone.

Thanks for listening
'

(hug) First off you sound like you could use one of those.

Secondly, whatever energies you need, consider them heading your way!!!

I am sending healing and lots and lots of love your way, too, Sibrei.  
Have you considered just letting the kids stay temporarily with papa until you get past this situation?  That way, at least they have a place to stay while you get those elusive ducks in a row.  I know they won't like it for the time being, but sometimes, a kid just has to deal with something unpleasant now and again.  
Meanwhile, take a deep breath and realize that all things appear larger in the side-view mirror.  Life can be big and scary much of the time, but we, as humans are really resilient.  We have the ability to weather great catastrophes and chaos and still make it through.  You WILL make it through this.  You are strong (hell, you live in TX) and you have a good head on your shoulders.    I'm pulling for you!

I don't know if this will work in your situation or not, but when I am overwhelmed by bad stuff in my life, I try to deal with the most important issue first, and just focus on that one thing.  As soon as I get the most important thing dealt with, I go on to the second most important thing.   I take a lot of deep breaths to keep myself calm.  It's important to remember, at times like this, that as long as you do something constructive in your life, you are making it better, even if it's something small.  Also remember, that tough times don't go on  forever, and if you are improving your situation a little at a time, then eventually you will have it worked out to a point that the problems are manageable, and you won't feel so overwhelmed and sad.

Sibrei, �

I am sending you all the positive energy I can. �I know the feeling of not knowing where you will live or how you will get to work. �

How far away is the kids' dad? �It may be a good idea to let him know some of your situation and have a little talk with the kids and let them go stay with him for a little while. �Just assure them it is temporary. � At least let him get them started in school and you can deal with your situation much better without having the worry of that on your shoulders, too.

We try to be superhero to our kids, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to let them see our vulnerable side, too. �I don't know their ages, but deep down they will want to help. �

You know it takes a little while for the drugs to start doing their job, then you will be able to think clearer and move better. �Keep going to work. �You don't want to lose your job, too, with all this other going on. �Maybe you can even talk to someone at work (a supervisor perhaps) and let them know your situation. �More times than not, they understand and may even have an idea or two to help you.

I'll keep you in my prayers. �Hugs and blessings, Dear.

*Hugs*  As much as it sucks just keep swimming.  And I agree with Rain and Ame. I think a combo would be the best bet with the way things are looking.

Sibrei, my first question is regarding the eviction notice. How long have you been battling your landlord? Don't know what the laws are in Texas, but in NJ the landlord can't just all of a sudden evict you because of a disagreement- particularly because you have children living with you. Hell, the electric company has to jump through hoops just to turn off the power for non payment when there are kids' welfare involved. You may want to check with a public advocate's office and seek some sort of representation in court. This may buy you some time to address some of your other problems. I know you love your kids dearly, and that's why you have to look out for their welfare first and formost. I understand that they may not get along with stepmom. But as long as their father will ensure their well being, having the kids live with him may not be a bad option until you regain more control over the critical aspects of your life. Hopefully it won't come to that though. Is their father even aware of the difficulties you're having right now? I know if my kids were going through what you've described, I'd be all too willing to lend a hand (be it financial or whatever) just to have the peace of mind that my children were safe and cared for with a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. Talk to him. Set whatever differences you have aside and think only of the well being of your children. And when(if) you reach an agreement with him, you should both sit down and discuss it with your kids. Let them know that what they want or feel does matter to you both and that your decision was made in their best interest. And if that decision is to let them stay with Dad for awhile, keep in touch with them EVERYDAY. I don't envy your position at all my dear. But these are your babies and if not for yourself (and you do matter too sweetie) you gotta stay strong for them.  (hug)

Blessed be my dear,

Draco

Sibrei I feel what you are going through as I have been in a very similar situation before and it is definitely overwhelming.  Depression is the manifestation of a loss of control and the feeling of helplessness associated with it.  
1. Take a very deep breath, hold it allowing the negative energies to settle there then let it out slowly, repeat as necessary.
2. Your landlady has to take you to court to evict you.  Has this happened?  If not, you should have 30 days to move from the date of going to court.  Do you have a lease?  If yes it should specify such things.
3. Do a spiritual house cleaning.  Get the negative energies out of your home and block them from re-entry.
4.  Make a list of what you can do.  Focus on the positive and look for a plan.  It is there, you just have to see it.
5. State the desires of your heart.  Not what you "want" because to "want" is to be without.  What do you desire?

Life has taught me that when every door slams shut in my face I have come to a fork in my path and I have choices to make.  I have to find the path that I am to follow as the one I am on has come to an end.  Sometimes a little backtracking is necessary to see where I took the wrong turn.  Sometimes it is nothing more than a speed bump I have to slow down for so that I don't hit a tree.  Either way I feel the answer is sitting there in front of you but you became so overwhelmed that you cannot see it.  I believe this is my Universe and I am able to create changes to control the effects on me if I choose to do so.  In the same context so can you.

It is about choices.  You can choose to be a victim who has no control and is spiraling downward or you can reach inside you and find that center of strength that has been there for you through all these years and pull yourself out of this.

Your situation is one that, no matter how much energy is sent to you, will not fix itself with out action on your part.  You have to get up off that chair.  Suck up the tears and get your ass in gear.  You can cry later.  Your kids are depending on you to be strong now.  You need to get back to work while you still have a job and an income.  Activity is the biggest defense against depression.  Make yourself get out and do something, anything other than sit in that house.

If the kids relationship with their father is good they will survive the step-mother.  It is good that there is that option.  I would save that for a last option.   For a couple reasons.  First it would mean them changing homes and schools more times than necessary and two it will cause doubts in your mind as well as his as to whether or not you can successfully raise the children.

Did you totally sever relationships with your landlady?  I keep feeling that you need to sit down calmly and talk to her.  Explain that things happened outside of your control and that you wish to repair what is broken and fix things... or at least get an extension on the move date.

I am not intending to sound like a bitch.  I have been in your situation and I know it is very scary.  I just know also that inaction will cause your biggest fears to manifest themselves.  No matter how scary it is, sitting around feeling helpless and sorry for yourself is not going to fix anything.  You have to pull your head out of the sand, shake it off and take the necessary actions to get in control of your life again.

Draco is right in that people cannot just evict you over a disagreement.  There are laws to protect renters against such things.  Have you checked with the housing authorities in your area for advice?  Might be a place to start or they may be able to help you relocate quicker.  Give you a list of agencies to help women with children in your situation.

I am sending you the energy for clarity and peace.  You will make it!

Hugs and Blessings!

Thanks everyone. That was me feeling really really sorry for myself and having a good old pity party. I have begun taking the necessary actions to fix things. Not so much with the landlady because unfortunately, that old lady is off her rocker and can not sit and calmy discuss anything.. I have checked the eviction laws here in Texas and found that I do have more time than she was letting on. Thanks to the power of the internet! I have also taken steps to procure myself another vehicle. Might not be a fantastic brand new one, but will be one just the same. I think the biggest reason for the post was to help rid myself of all the negativity that was building up inside. It help me clear my mind and start thinking again. I have talked to their dad and we do get along ok, and him and his wife have already said that if it comes down to it, we all have a place to stay until I can get moved, so that stress is relieved. I have talked to both my kids and they are both fully aware of the situation and what might happen. I told them it might come to the fact that they go stay with Dad temporarily until I can straighten things out. I go back to work on Thursday of this coming week.In the meantime, I have been looking for houses and such and will hopefully find someone willing to work with me on everything. I know they are out there, it's just a matter of finding the right one. Like I told my youngest yesterday, Everything happens for a reason. We might not know what it is, but it does. We had a good long talk yesterday, me and him. And in trying to make him feel better, I found myself feeling better too. Isn't it funny how things like that work. They are both going back to school tomorrow. This school district here is huge so it won't be as big of a pain to transfer them. Thanks everyone for the excellent advice and the good old fashioned kick me in the butt! lol
I WILL  get through this and I WILL become stronger for it. But I have to say, that as a whole, 2009 has sucked!!! And I cannot wait for it to be over !!!!!!
lmao.

LOL   You are SO not alone, 2009 has been crappy for a lot of us.   Goddess blessings to you, and it's good to hear you sounding more positive.

Just read your post today.  Totally happy that things are looking up now for you.

aa)     Yay!  That's the way, Sibrei!  I'm so glad that you are seeing the positive now.  

It usually helps to let it all out if for no other reason but to clean out all the negativity from your being.

I know you will pull thru this and you'll feel so much stronger when it's all done and settled.  

Continued blessings, my dear.  

^______________________________^

So glad things are coming together!  
We have some rental properties we manage and I am amazed at some of the things landlords have done to people.  Is great that you have a good relationship with the ex too.

I am so glad that things are getting better!  You have to hit the bottom before you can pop back up and it sounds like you're popping!  2009 has been a hard year, that is for sure.  Its great that you can talk to your children the way you do.  Step-mother or no, the kids father is their father and he will not let anything bad happen to his kids ever!  Yes, he is your ex for a reason, but at one time he was not your ex ..... you must always remember that part of him too.  And its fabulous that he & his wife would allow not only your kids but you to also stay with them, I know what a relief it is just to know that there is somewhere for you to go.  It wasn't that long ago that my hbby & I were makng plans for his daughter, exwife, and her son to come stay with us ......  it didn't come to be cuz I pissed her off by telling her to get off her ass and do something to change her situation, and she did it!  She's still mad at me, but she's also still in her home and now has a job ~ whatever.  Keep us informed!  Be well!