make it real hard to NOT hate them.

Rant off............. for now.......................................................

EarthMother, "hate" is a pretty strong word/emotion my dear. I fully understand where you're coming from as I'm sure most people have someone in their life who would fall into that classification. However, I can say from experience, that it takes far more energy to actively "hate" someone than it does to just protect yourself from them and move on with YOUR life. The actions of those you can't stand will eventually come back to bite them in the butt. The best you can hope for is a good seat to view the show when it does. Hope all is well, or at least gets better for you.

Blessings,

Draco

I can honestly say 2 things,
1) that was THE shortest rant I have ever seen LOL and
2) Even after all the things I have taken from others all my life, I HATE no one. Dislike them immensely yes, that just means they have no space in my world. (Falls into that 'not even giving them second thought, nor the grace to piss on them should they be afire!' ) They merely, do not exist.

I'm working very hard to not hate this person.   The actions taken by these 2 people are effecting my children.  It is very hard to distance myself, to separate myself from this.  

Working on it.  I truly am.

I have 4 children, 2 are still at home, so I know exactly what you mean.  What is more difficult, is while you're trying to teach yourself not to waste your energy, you still are in the position that you should be teaching your children the same thing.  Why is this person so nasty?  What brought them to this part in their life that makes them act this way?  I don't know if your children are afraid or angry,  but maybe having this discussion with them will help them?  And you?  
And hopefully, there are avenues that you can take where you live to stop nasty behavior if it gets out of line.

Sweetie, when the children are affected in a negative way, all bets are off! Ever read any stories about what can happen when you come between a bear and her cubs? Personally, I've always gone out of my way to protect my babies. Do whatever you think you have to separate yourself from these butt heads. Best of luck my dear.

Blessings,

Draco

Any clues you can give us as to what is going on? I have to agree that was the shortest rant in history.The temptation to hate is a strong one when someone is jacking around with your kids but it only serves to keep you connected to the same unpleasant people with the same disappointing results.It sounds as though it is time to make an effort to disconnect from them if it is at all possible.
Good luck

Blessings

The situation is that my daughters Father, my ex husband for nearly 16 years, has just broken a long standing promise to her, because he's hell bent on blaming everything me.  After 16 years apart and a long term GF of 15 years, I'm still the bad guy.

In order to remain in "control" of her, one week before she graduates high school with honors, he tells her she cannot come live full time with me as is her desire, or he will not help pay for college.  

WOW...She earned this.  His hatred for me, and all the crazy assed things hes concocted in his mind bout me and the depth of my relationship with our children is such a threat to him that he is willing to compromise his child's future.

Great roll model there Jack Azz.  And he wonders why the relationship he has with his kids is so strained.  They are old enough to see through his BS and it has to be painful to see his house of cards falling down around his feet.

Wow....this dude is seriously disturbed.  I am not sure if I would want him living in the same neighborhood with me...nevermind in the same house. I can't sleep with one eye open, it just doesn't work.
I am so sorry for your daughter and I hope she understands that none of this is her fault. Not sure what I would do in your situation.
Has your daughter applied for any scholarships/grants or anything like that that she might qualify for to help her out?
This guy is a douche....

I hope she realizes that given all the means for kids to pay for college on their own, that really is.......an empty threat.

May he grow old, and pass on, with his kids having opened their eyes!  

Yeah, I'm with Novia on that one.  I would suggest to your daughter that she try getting financial aid or some other means to pay for her college.  Dad truly is showing his "true colors" to his daughter.  Sounds like he might be using YOU as an excuse to act miserly.  Has nothing at all to do with you...has everything to do with his own shortcomings.

Not sure if you're all aware, but just because a child turns 18 does not automatically emancipate them into adulthood. All you need to do is take the SOB to court. If the child wants to live with mom, at 18 yrs old, the court would have very little trouble granting this. In addition to that, because she wants to attend college, the court can make him shell out some money to help pay for it. Not sure they'll make him foot the whole bill, but its seriously worth looking into. I hate it when a parent tries to use their kid to piss off their ex-spouse. Best of luck to you sweetie. Tell your daughter congrats and go get that education and to not let her asshole father manipulate her.

Blessings,

Draco

It is extremely hard for kids to get aid and no interest loans if the parents have money and/or a stable income no matter what their obligations are....or if they are just toads. I don't want to discourage your daughter from trying to do this, but I would definitely check out the grants/scholarship angle first.
A guidance counselor should be able to point her in the right direction and help with recommendations. Since she is such a good student there should be scholarships available but it takes some digging to get there. Some of the smaller ones get overlooked....a lot of times because they are small students don't do the applications, but if you can pull enough small ones together you can make a dent in the cost too.

So the girl child and I went through the first day of orientation on campus today.  She does not consider living with her father an option, however, he refuses to pay the extra 3500 a semester for her to live on campus.  He insists she lives with him.  Well, that would mean she will need to fill out fafsa forms under her father's financial information.  He makes too much money.  Fafsa wouldn't be granted.  

Still...he insists also, that he'll only pay above what fafsa she is awarded.  

Ok idiot...what part of "needs based" financial aid do you not understand?

He and his (not so little) girlfriend live together, and that household brings in conservatively, 140K/yr.  Ummm say good bye to fafsa asshole.  All paperwork was filed under MY financial information.  

BTW her GPA was 3.973 on graduation.  

She tried to get through to him tonight that tomorrow was deadline for housing sign up.  He wouldn't give her a straight answer.  Only insisted that she not sign up for the dorms.  

He doesn't like disclosing his income.  He'd never discolse it on a fafsa NOR allow his live in GF to disclose hers.  So either he coughs up the money for college or he will totally loose what shreds of respect his daughter still has for him.

What an ugly position to be in.

Too late for scholarships for this fall.  I certainly can't afford to send her.  

I just want to crawl into the obis right now.

I gotta say all the BS rules they make parents and kids deal with when trying to pay for college really pisses me off. Its called a student "loan" for a reason- it gets paid back. I have 1 daughter in college right now and I'm paying the full tuition for her. Yet, there are some kids in her classes that just go there to meet the requirements to receive their welfare checks every month. I have no problem with someone who truely wants to make a positive change in their life. But when she tells me about these same kids and that they don't really seem to care about learning and are just going through the motions (so to speak) I get really pissed off. Your daughter, like mine, wants to learn. But the damned system that's in place seems to create more stumbling blocks rather than opening new doors to kids who really want to learn. And if you earn just a bit more than minimum wage, you're really screwed. I still think that the best way to sqeeze some money out of your daughter's father is to go through the courts. But then again, I am only hearing your version EM. Ultimately, I just want your daughter to get the education she deserves- regardless of who is right or wrong. And thats the way a judge will view it too I think. Best of luck to both you and your daughter.

Bleesings,

Draco