I tend not to dwell on an issue this conflicting, but it's coming down to the wire that I do something.

My son, was born on December 2, 2004. He's already passed the stages of walking, talking in coherent sentences, and is starting to ask questions that are somewhat surprising.

I am Wiccan, and have been for many years. Although I don't participate in a coven or have a BOS that's more than 100 years old, I feel that everything I have done and do reflects on who I am, and I have had next to no troubles since I have found my path.

My husband is LaVeyan Satanist. Quite an interesting mix between him and I. Our relationship works because he has his beliefs, and I have my own without either of us stepping on each other's toes. He does his rites and I do my own.

My mother-in-law is very invasive. She is "Christian" or so she calls herself but does nothing that her good book tells her so. She sees my son every weekend, usually comes on Saturday night and keeps him through Sunday late evening. She takes him to church with her, and makes him think that living with us is wrong. When he comes home, he's been brainwashed into thinking that living with her is far better than living with us, and as a result he's very emotionally closed off from my husband and me. He'll hit us, tell us to go away, say things like "I want to live with grandma" and it really hurts us deeply.

My father-in-law has a crush on me, sadly so he doesn't care what we do to raise him.

My mother and father both are of Catholic origins, but they respect the path we have both chosen to enlightenment, and even helped us with our Pagan wedding last year.

I don't really know what to do. If I take my son away from my mother-in-law, she will find ways to make our lives miserable. We currently are borrowing her car..(long story) .. to get to and from work and school. She also has her hands in deep pockets where they shouldn't be. She hates me, and I do mean hate, for converting her son into what she hates most...even though it wasn't my doing. I must say though, the feeling is mutual for other reasons.

Any suggestions on what I can do? I need some guidance. I have asked the Gods and Goddesses for help, and the simple solution that's being offered is not feasible. Help!


~Mystic~

MM Mystic,

I love your avatar by the way. As for your problem. Bless your heart!! It's so hard when your family is at odds like that.

First of all if this is your husband's mother I think it's his place to step up and tell his mother where her place is.

If this is not going to happen, (and believe me I understand because I was married to a man once that would let his mother walk all over us), then the only thing you can do is stand up for yourself.

But, my ex-m.i.l. used to try to step in and take over my kids. But, I was just as hard headed as she was and said these are MY kids. I'm sorry you don't like that. But, deal with it.

This did cause a lot of problems with my ex husband and me. But, I couldn't help it. Those are my kids!!!

And just because he wouldn't stand up to her didn't mean I wasn't going to. My kids are the most important thing in my life!!!!

I really hope things work out for you. It's not an easy situation.

Talk to your son! He's young, and is confused it sounds like.

Let him know you love him, and try to help him understand. Keep the MIL away if possible.

Best of luck to you and your family.

Blessings,

LJ

I agree with Alora, you need to keep your mil away from your son. This conflict between grandmother and parents is very confusing for your child, and it's going to cause him harm. You could allow your mil to visit your son at your home, while you are there, but don't let her have him alone. I think that grandparents should never run parents down to children, because our children are a part of us, and whenever someone has bad mouthed a parent, he has bad mouthed the child as well. Children feel this, even if they can't put it into words, so you need to protect him from the bad intentions of his grandmother.

I completely agree with what everyone else has said. You need to end this right now. Think of how you feel as an adult going through this. Now, imagine what it would be like to be his age and have these emotions. While he may be able to talk, he doesn't have the ability to voice all his thoughts or even the complete ability to figure out what all his thoughts are. That adds more pain and confusion to the mix for him.
It also teaches disrespect and that it is ok to harm you (by fighting and back talking) which is something else that has to have a stop to it. As the parent, you and your husband have the responsiblity to raise him to be a loving person. That is part of your job. You can only do this by teaching right from wrong..and that includes right and wrong relationships in his life (ie. grandmother and her behavior).
Your other major job is to protect him. There are no ifs/ands/buts about that. You see that he is in danger and is being harmed, now you must do your job and protect him. No matter how hard it may be on you to do so.

As for depending on her for a vehicle to get to work and school. Do you live somewhere that has a bus service? Cabs? Do you have friends or other family that could give you a ride? Have either of you thought of asking about carpooling with someone you work with or go to school with? Offer them some money each week to take you to and from. Most people are more than willing to help someone out, especially if you offer gas money.
While your getting a ride from someone, save up some money so you can buy your own vehicle. It doesn't have to be a nice vehicle, just one that will get you from point A to point B and back. Then you can save up some more until you can get a better car.

This would also help you and your husband out by taking back your own responsibilities and power. You can't depend on others forever. And really I think that this situation is a hard way to learn that you need to actually make things work on your own.
If you continue to deal with this, not only will your son suffer long term emotional issues. But, you will stay in this cycle of co-dependancy. You will find yourself constantly bitching about her and what she is doing but yet never actually doing something about it.

I'm sorry if what I have said sounds harsh. I am a momma bear when it comes to my kids and I expect others to be just as fierce with theirs. You are giving her all the power, including your own, and that is unacceptable imo. If you don't want her to be able to control you and your son, you must take a stand and deal with the situation your left with.
If your unwilling to stand up or figure out another way to get around without her, then you may as well just smile and learn to enjoy your life of disrespect and learn how to go along with everything she says for the sake of your son's emotional sanity.

Bravo ladyalpha!!! Well written!

I was just curious since it has been a couple of days and you haven't come back to reply, how things are going? Especially since today is Sunday and you said your m-i-l has your son on Saturdays and Sundays.

I hope your son is doing well. And that you and your husband are able to make his life as less chaotic and as stable as possible.
Blessings,
ladyalpha

Lady Jade, thank you. I am sure that a lot of things that were written were things that were not really wanted to be heard. But, the Gods are sometimes harsh when they try to get their point across. Everything that I, and everyone else (yourself included), said were things that needed to be said. Hopefully, Mystic read them and realizes that she knew all this in her heart to begin with, she just needed to "hear" it from others to know that what she knew was true and real.
This is not a healthy environment for any of them and hopefully they (Mystic and her husband) will be able see that while change is hard and scary at times, it is essential and will be able to create the environment they all need.

As my husband likes to say "There's nothing to it but to do it". (Sounds a little 12 steppish, I know, but..lol). We are both very good at working around things, so if you need help figuring out how to make something work so you can have your independance back, give me a shout. I will do my best to help with suggestions and ideas. Although I believe I gave quite a few of them in my previous post.

DITTO ,I agree with what has been said,you need to take care of business,your child is your number one priority,get him away and yourself from that negative enviroment,I pray all goes well with you and yours.BLESSINGS TO YOU

Things have been quite interesting as of late. This weekend I ended up blowing out my knee so I couldn't get to the computer at all. As far as the MIL situation, I've not spoken with my husband about it as of yet (after what was said) because of a few other things going on in life. I find that we will work through it. You all are right, and I had the same feeling deep inside. I know we will get through this. It's just a matter of time before things stabilize again.

As for my son, he's doing great. This weekend, the inlaws came over instead of him going for the night. I'm sure my MIL was peeved, but it doesn't matter. For his sake, he needs a break from the insanity.

Thank you for your words, each and every one of you. To be honest, I felt, initially, that I wouldn't even get a response. What a pleasant surprise! Thank you!