I just felt like sharing a few of my older poems because they mean a lot to me although it's a time that I try not to remember, but it's a part of who I am and I just felt like sharing:

This one is just about where I've been in my life:

Remember Me?
Remember me?
The little girl who pulled her own hair
The girl who hung on
Just because she cared
About a world
Of hate and betrayal
My body is strong,
But my heart is frail.
I fear not death,
Only life itself.
I�m on my own
Nothing can help

Remember me?
The little girl who couldn�t sleep
Because I knew
That my mind was after me

Remember me?
The child of hypocrisy and lies
The child who listened; believed what she was told;
The child without eyes

Remember me?
The girl you tormented and abused
That social outcast
The one you used?

Remember me?
Repulsively blunt but utterly shy?
The one who always hated life
But always seem afraid to cry?
Remember me?

This one was about my grandmother because my aunt gave me the opportunity to say goodbye to her when she was in a coma by putting the phone to her ear; she died the next day:

Time Stops Here

How are you supposed
To say good-bye
One last time
And stifle your cry?
To explain the importance
Of one single life
Who played the role of mother
Grandma, sister, aunt and wife?
To say I love you
For the last time
As if losing precious time to silence
Would be a crime.
To know
That you'll never see that face again.
Never hear the voice of
Your family member; beloved friend.
She's watched you grow
Through all these years.
Although you will go on, for her�
Time stops here.

M-B

When we write we express stress and fear. We purge emotions onto paper and it is a catharsis. A renewal, rebirth, because we have spent the negative and opened (if we are willing) ouselves for the positive to flow in. It's up to you how you choose to view this purge and how you accept the positive energy and forces wanting to flood in. By purging, even without words, you invite the positive forces to come forth. Only you can accept or deny them.

Yes, I'm assuming much, but I feel your dispair in what you write and a continued need to purge the past. Again I'm assuming, but might it be that you are fearful to let go of this pain?

Just a question.

These are touching bits of your past. And thank you for sharing them!