At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, Im posting this, simply because I feel I need a "magic-inclined" sounding board for ideas. If what I type seems a bit hmm, weird or over the top, trust me, I am right there with you. I never in my life thought Id be in this type of situation.

Before my husband ever met me, he was married to another woman. They were wed for 6 years, or there abouts, I never actually sat down and thought about it, but I think it was 6 ish years. They have a son together. As time went on, his first wife had a breakdown, and has since been diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder, and narcissism. He did try to stick it out with her, for 2 more years after she became suicidal, and off the wall emotionally abusive towards him and the child. (People with BPD have very little regard to the feelings of anyone but themselves...she cant help it, per se, it is what her brain is programmed to be.)

She began not coming home, and having affairs. She left my husband, they divorced.

I met my husband about a year after they officially split, so I was in NO way any cause of the break up. The ink on the divorce agreement had long since dried when I came into the picture.

However, when the ex-wife discovered we were engaged, she kind of went off the deep end...calling a LOT, begging my husband to come back to her, offering to give him another child, insisting the only reason he was going to marry me was because he must have "knocked me up"...and generally she had a hard time coping with the fact he moved on.

Only, now its been several years..and she is still bothering us. It has become stalking. She has followed me, threatened me via my 5 yo stepson (btw,we have him but she has him on the weekends) by telling him things like "Brigit will be dead soon". She has followed my kids at school, peeking at them on the playground, and thru their classroom windows. She has called us, screaming and yelling so we simply do not answer her calls now. she has had my stepson accuse his grandparents, and my kids, and his preschool teacher of abuse. All of the claims of abuse were immediatly tossed out as groundless. But because none of this is considered "violent" or illegal, the law can do very little.

We have done mundane things (police have a file on her for stalking, local police stalking expert knows of all this, stepson regularly sees a psychiatrist who is aware of the ex wifes diagnosis, , she has been informed through our lawyer to cease and desist, etc).

I would love to banish her, but the fact is, she is part of my stepsons life. I wish she wasnt, but it is as it is. I would love to bind her so she cause no more trouble, but Ive never done a binding.

In short, I do not know what to do to help here. Ive got protections cast over the house, cars, and the family. She is a legitimate stalker, capable of mayhem and harm. She scares me and angers me.

Any ideas?

Get a different lawyer, find a good counselor and communicate with your soon-to-be husband your fear. It sounds legitimate, and you know if she has all these things on record, why on earth does she still have visitation rights?

Try to find a lwayer that will take them away until she receieves the medical treatment she deserves in order to get better. You also need to do a research in your area for support groups. They can work wonders and offer you many alternatives to help you in a situation like this.

All is not lost, but alas, in a siituation like this, magic is only a prayer with tools....and if you have a restraining order on her, she can be arrested for even contacting or calling you, much less stalking you and your children.

Seek help....in different directions than you have already sought. This can be a very serious situation for th eboy involved too, he could be harmed emotionally from this. Make sure that the people you speak with from now on, know this as well....

May you and your family be blessed, and may this ex receive the help she so desperately needs....

Blessings Bright and Dark,

— Lady_Elaine

Get a different lawyer, find a good counselor and communicate with your soon-to-be husband your fear. It sounds legitimate, and you know if she has all these things on record, why on earth does she still have visitation rights?

Try to find a lwayer that will take them away until she receieves the medical treatment she deserves in order to get better. You also need to do a research in your area for support groups. They can work wonders and offer you many alternatives to help you in a situation like this.

All is not lost, but alas, in a siituation like this, magic is only a prayer with tools....and if you have a restraining order on her, she can be arrested for even contacting or calling you, much less stalking you and your children.

Seek help....in different directions than you have already sought. This can be a very serious situation for th eboy involved too, he could be harmed emotionally from this. Make sure that the people you speak with from now on, know this as well....

May you and your family be blessed, and may this ex receive the help she so desperately needs....

Blessings Bright and Dark,

Where to begin....

Everything you say is sensible, and I agree. Sadly, the legal workings of family court are rarely sensible. I feel she shouldnt have any rights to the boy, she is messed up, but has a real knack for turning into mom-of-the-year in front of teachers, principals, doctors and police.

In our state (and in many, the more Ive learned, the more I see that stalking laws really only work AFTER you've been harrassed to no end), unless a threat is communicated in the presence of a third party, or an act of violence has been commited, a magistrate may not issue a restraining order, unless their was prior domestic partnership. A restraining order is only good for 12 months, and must be reissued every 12 months if furth proof of illegal, threatening activities can be proven before the magistrate. The laws are antiquated, and wrong, and fail to do any good. If I was being stalked by my ex, I'd have a lot more protection under the law, due to "prior domestic partnership". As my spouse's ex has never threatened him, but only threatened me and the kids, we're just out of luck. We can get something called a 50B, I believe, which means if she comes within 500 feet of the kids and I, we can sue her in civil court for harrassment and seek monetary compensation. Which is crazy...why would ANYONE want to seek cash from their stalker, and have to spend days in a courtroom with them?

All that does is rewards the stalker with the presence of the stalkee. Which is what the stalker wants, to force you to acknowledge them, and the disruption they can cause.

So basically, unless she tells me, my spouse, or the kids "Im going to hurt you" in front of a third party, the law cant do anything besides issue a report, and make a paper trail. Which they are doing, in the hopes that she will get sloppy, say something in front of someone else, and we can prosecute.

We've got a top notch lawyer, and she and the police are working together. My spouse is well aware of all the danger this poses, trust me, he is worried too, and we've done the "mundane" legal/police/counselor/support group type stuff for the last 2 years, for us, and my stepson.

Yes, she IS harming him emotionally. My stepson is a mess, really has anger issues and is a handful to parent. So he sees a psychiatrist weekly for that. Sadly, he idolizes his mom..she is a manipulator, and has him hot and cold, love and neglect, back and forth all the time. To a child, it is confusing, and makes him very clingy with her. His teachers and principal are aware of the situation as well.

We tried for sole custody, but in the US, being the birth mom carries a lot of weight with it. Unless she were to rob a bank, she can do anything she wants, and not loose visitation rights. We spent 30,000$ last year in legal bills alone to find that out. But we did get him MOST of the time, and thats the best we can do now, much as we hate the fact.

Right now, the police have told us to document everything, and she will screw up eventually. Cold comfort, indeed.

Spell to Bind Someone Dangerous

Timing: Best performed on Saturday (Saturn's Day, to bind a criminal, one who intends to do harm, to bring someone to justice)

Supplies:

a poppet made to represent the person in question (see our BOS for instructionson how to make one)
a black candle
myrrh incense
red ribbon

Cast a circle. Light a black candle and burn myrrh incense. Sprinkle the poppet with salt water, saying:

Blessed be, thou creature made of art.
By art made, by art changed.
Thou art not cloth (or wax, whatever)
But flesh and blood.
I name thee ___________ (person being bound)
Thou art s/he, between the worlds, in all the worlds,
So mote it be.

Hold the poppet and imagine it enmeshed in a silver net, binding the person in question. Tie the poppet up firmly with red ribbon, binding all parts of it that could possibly do harm. Charge it, saying,


By air and earth,
By water and fire,
So be you bound,
As I desire.
By three and nine,
Your power I bind.
By moon and sun,
My will be done.
Sky and sea
Keep harm from me.
Cord go round,
Power be bound,
Light revealed,
Now be sealed.

Earth the power and open the circle. Bury the poppet at the time of the waning moon, far from your home, under a heavy rock.

I'm just curious if she is peeking in windows at school on your children why has the school not had her arrested for trespassing? Since she has no parental rights for those children she has no business on the school grounds peeking into the classrooms.
I would also imagine that this would scare other children and upset other parents. I know if someone was doing that at my children's school I would be furious if the school wasn't doing something about it.

Second of all as a person that has also been diagnosed as border line personality, I wanted to just say that it is an umbrella term that is thrown around a lot by shrinks. And I by no means have no disregard for others or their feelings. I just am not a people person and perfer to be either alone or in small groups. But, in my case, the "doctor" (I use that title loosely with the woman I had), found not being a people person disturbing so I got a nifty little title to go along with the depression I went to see her about.
Just wanted to mention that so you don't color everyone that has been told they are BLP in the same light as this woman, who obviously has many other issues. I actually read years ago that further testing is supposed to go along with that diagnoses as there can be anything from autism to ADD that causes the diagnoses of BLP.

I would check with the school though and find out what their rules are for visitors. If they are like most schools now days, any and all visitors should be checking in at the office and get a pass (if they are even allowed to go beyond the office) before going to a classroom. If that is their rule and she is bypassing that, their school police officer (if there is one) should be notified that a strange woman is hanging out on the school grounds and needs to be removed. Or the police need to be called in the absence of a patrolling school officer.
Even those that are known by teachers that are behaving in such a manner should be treated as a possible threat.

This may not solve your other problems with this woman, but perhaps it will help some. In any case, your children and other people's children would be safe from her while at school.
Good luck.

That is a very scary situation Lady Brigid, and if ever there is a justified reason for a banishment, yours is the case.

Everyone is correct in talking to the school and getting a better lawyer. You may also want to look into a private investigator to help build a case against her. If you have someone collecting hard evidence, stalking the stalker so to speak, it would help. If she is truely fanatical about this, teh investigator would be able to collect audio and visual material. He or she could look through their garbage once the ex takes it out.

That, short of something illegal, is the best advice I can offer.

Ive tried replying twice to this thread now, lol, the first time my one yo hit "delete" and I lost 40 min. of typing, and the second time, my pc went on the fritz and I lost it again. ~sighs~ Im going to go get some tea, and regain composure, and try not to bang my head on the keyboard..