Greetings all, I have been swimming around for a while but have needed to post....I have a problem and I need some guidance. Two months ago my fiance left to go to Ohio to pick up (or so I thought) a car we were going to restore. He said he forgot his phone charger and he would see me on Sunday. I phoned his mother on the Saturday, to see how he made out (conniving thing lives in Ohio too). She had no idea what I was talking about and was really nasty to me which I couldn't figure out. I later found out she DID know what was going on and she encouraged it. Turns out he was with his ex g/f from 10 years ago (they had a total of 2 years together) and our 3 years together meant nothing to him. When he finally did contact me it was to say he was moving back to Ohio because his mom needed him and he was getting back together with his ex. My heart has been broken for two months although I have been getting better, the pain is still there. I have resisted the urge to destroy him with magic (I know it will come back on me and I am not willing to pay that price), I have resisted using wicca/voodoo to break them up (again, karma). How can I get on with my life when I feel dead inside? Don't get me wrong....I don't EVER want him back....I could never trust him again the way I need to trust someone I love. It is so sad that he could be so stupid....and throw everything away. He moved to a seedy motel (fitting) and then left town 2 weeks after this happened - quit us, quit his job, everything.....It feels like I am in mourning for the man I thought he was (he was very good to me and kind and was very loving but near the end, not much so though he always said he was "worried about his mom" when I asked.) and not the man he turned out to be. The hard part is reconciling the fact that who he pretended to be and who he was are the same person. I never thought he could be capable of this sort of thing as he always claimed he was so honest, truthful and old-fashioned and for the most part acted this way up til near the end. Uh huh...right. He also hurt my son, who looked up to him like a father figure. I am so proud of my son. He never once said a nasty word or tried to get into the fight. He just silently stood by my side and when Travis was walking out the door he tried to say bye to my son and my son never said a word, never blinked and just made sure he stayed by my side. I am very proud of him. The question is......how can I heal my heart? Travis and my son and our cats are all I had, and at least I still have my son and my cats but I moved to this town, and knew no one and he took advantage of that and so until this happened, he and my son and cats were my whole world. I talk to friends back home (and am planning to move back in the next couple of years - my son wants to graduate here), but I am terribly lonely. How do I get my life back? How do I live again?

First of all, I am so incredibly sorry for how your heart is hurting. I know exactly what you mean about mourning for who you thought he was. Nothing hurts more than falling in love with a man's potential or the false front he shows you. Broken hearts hurt so much. I hate to say it because I know it sounds trite, but time really is the only thing that will heal a broken heart. Another thing I have found that is really helpful is journaling and meditation. And don't be afraid to cry...a lot sometimes! Another important thing is surrounding youself with people who love you. Talking it out is the best thing you can do. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to send me an email. I'm sorry I don't have much better advice!

I'm really sorry to hear about this.
You are really strong to resist using magic and voodoo, and I'm glad you were thinking of the consequences if you did give in and do something. I know you are hurting right now, and it's probably going to take a while for your heart to mend, and probably longer to ever trust a man again fully.

Stay focused on the future, and think positively, that there is someone out there that is going to treat you right one day. Please don't let it ruin you.

My dad cheated on my mum so many times and left her for another woman, and it's ruined her trust for men completely. She says she'll never be with another one again and will be happy to die alone. But I know she isn't happy being on her own.

I hope things get better for you.

L&L always,
Waterlily.

p.s
You could try some rituals, spells or affirmations to make yourself feel better, and possibly help you to start afresh and move on. Have a look in the spellbook, there's some really good spells and rituals in there.

Wiccakitty,

I've been in a similar position, though not exactly the same relationship. The good news is that although you feel broken in half by the pain of it now, your emotions towards him will diminish over time. The difficulty comes in learning to trust yourself and to trust other people.

I cannot claim that I've achieved complete trust in other people after my ordeal, but I have slowly and surely managed over time. The thing I cannot emphasize the most is that you should never allow yourself to be completely isolated. When you sit alone for long periods after such a thing, you slowly but surely close layers of yourself away, and it can take years to recover what you have hidden.

You said you were a stranger to that location--I've been there to. My best advice is to go volunteer for something you enjoy. Now is not the time to throw yourself into another intimate relationship, but to begin building a basae of acquantances, who may one day become friends.

Take small steps, and work hard at not being overly critical with yourself or your situation. Not being negative can be an exhausting task unto itself, and you will not succeed everyday, but work on it. Each small step will build upon itself, and you will be in a better frame of mind eventually to come to terms with your loss.

Many blessings.

I appreciate all the words of advice you all have given me I just need to do it now. The last few days have been rather hard and I was doing so well up til that point (have been surviving by watching a ton of movies - chick flix, happy stuff), but now the movies aren't doing it anymore and I am forced everyday with a reminder of who isn't here and why. To go into stores/places we had ever been together has been hard. So I am trying to take it easy. I have read his tarot cards and his future is not good....in every reading I have done it has said what he did to me, what he is going through now (financial problems) and that he will eventually try and come back. Can anyone tell me why a man who did this would even have the nerve? lol...If I hurt someone this way I wouldn't have the balls to. But that is just me. Last night I had the most horrible dream. I dreamed I was beating the crap out of his mother. I wish lol. Anyways I am probably going to be living more here at the site, and soaking up info, etc. I am going to try to do some healing spells on myself. I tried a forgetting him spell but for 2-3 weeks I was forgetting other stuff (words to things that I should know, names, etc. although I had forgotten some stuff about him). If you have any spells that you think would help, let me know, I am open to them.

Thanks again,
wiccakitty

Hi wiccakitty!

Think about this:

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."

With love and prayers to you!

The WiccanSpell