10 Things You Never Hear in Church

1. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew!

2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

4. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.6. Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

7. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

8. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

9. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

I haven't gone to Chruch since I lived in Texas (about 5 years ago.) I still remember the boreing services, and the strict rules. I did enjoy going to the Penicostal Chruch my family went to though, I made a few friends, and every first and last Sunday of the month, we'd have a huge lunch. Still, at that church... the first 2 pews were ALWAYS empty!

And I know for a fact... that it's true... you'll never hear those 10 things in Chruch, and for that I say "Thank the Gods" because if we did.. something terrible and sinister was going on in the world... and we'd have to blame the Squirrels... evil squirrels...

Thanks for the smile Lady Elaine

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

LOL that's funny.

Now there have been things I did hear in church when I did go to one, years ago, that should not have been said, the one that I remember most was just after a hyme was sung an everyone sat down, a little girl says oh so loudly, " Eewww gross, Pawpa, you farted!!". Laughter was soon to follow, and it took 10 minutes to get things quit again. Even the pastor, cut his sirmen short. Of course Pawpa was the butt of everyones jokes.

Oooo! Ooooo!
I know the eleventh thing you will never hear in church!
Me
hehehe

lol Ringill...

I think what the scary thing is is that I have actually heard people say those things...honestly!

I think the one thing I disagree with most with Christian churches is their blunt "honesty" with children...I mean, I was probably about 4 years old when I was told that some man I would never meet was tortured and killed and it was my fault because I'm a sinner and sins are bad...that really helps a kid's self-image...let me tell you...

I would never tell a little kid something like that! But I see it happen all the time...

I've actually heard number 7 many times before!

I used to cantor though, so I guess I'm not totally surprised.